Loaded Down

I have been trying I mean seriously trying.  Read some of my stories.  I have bared my soul and I am working to get better.  I am seeing  myself for who I am and for what I have gone through.  I can't take anymore.
I mean I seriously can't take anymore


My ex has not done his taxes since I left in 2008.  He had my 14 yr old daughter do them at the time. 
He made good money when we were together .....that being said I have only sceen 8 months of support in a total since that time. 
We lived together and therefore didn't see a lawyer and i have the kids.  So not a custody issue.  He gave me for a few months then he told me he lost his job.  I was understanding.  he was good for 4 months again.....then same thing.  It's now 4 yrs later and nothing.  He dosent see the kids no support .....just calls them and tells them he has no money and when he gets some he will come. 

Nice huh......btw he has a gf who drive a mercedes and owns a sex toy company.  .......Lives with his dad and is 46 yrs old. 
So dosent do taxes dosent send support.........so I tell him this.......he tells me you try to get blood from a stone.

Back to me........my goverment is looking for him through me.  I receive child tax benefit.  They have decided to review me back to 2007 and are demanding me pay back over 35k. 
I have gone to my MP.......I was promised I would not be penalized.....

Yet I got the notice today..........

I cant do it anymore. 
I can't fight the world. 
I'm just little old me. 
I need help
flodials flodials
41-45, F
2 Responses Mar 26, 2012

I can relate somewhat. My story is a bit different in that my ex common law of 11 years abducted my son for five years, to Ecuador. I finally got him back (he's now almost 17), but if I were to try to get tanf or any assistance other than my ssdi check, they want my help in hunting down the kidnapper. So, I have to just accept this will never happen. I don't want the freaks money anyway, poor or not, we will make it. I will leave it to Karma. My heart goes out to you. Sounds like this person was a true jerk. Karmic prayers and wishes I send your way. I know it's frustrating. Peace and Light

I am sorry for your pain. Your strength inspires me. I know I can get through....just seems like some days I would rather not fight. too much ......and my Karma.....well. I am a good person living with someone elses Karma. Seriously

Don't ever give up. Stay healthy and strong. The good days will outweigh the bad ones. Just seems that the good stuff in life comes a bit slower than we'd hope. On the days you feel the fight is too much, take some down time (if you can) for yourself, meditate and picture in your mind your dreams and take all the small or large steps it takes to get there. You are strong too. You may not even know how strong. I was so weak and felt so useless at many points during the hell we went through, but finally the strength came. I still have my days though and believe it or not, crying as much as I can (usually alone) is such a relief and opens my mind and free's some of the pain a bit. Peace and Light to you.

You can get through this. It is hard, but like princessesofricky said above, you can get through this if you are strong. It seems to me that what really bothers you is HIM, and not really the fact that you are being told that you have to pay back a lot of money. As far as the money is concerned, I think it can all work out good for you if you stay as calm as you can about it, and talk it through with the proper people that you need to talk to.<br />
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Your real problem seems to be that you are concentrating on HIM and what HE is doing. Not good, concentrate on your children and yourself. Be good to yourself and gentle with your children.<br />
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Try not to spend you days talking bad about HIM, then all the kids hear is negativity. I'm sure they are tired of hearing about all of this grown up, adult drama. Try not to stress the kids out. Just try and move on gracefully and calmly. If HE calls, after he talks to the kids, don't badmouth him for the next two hours. Just stay strong and focus on being good to yourself and talk nicely to the kids.

yea like i said on the other story.........way off.....I don't speak to my kids about the drama.....do you read the stories I write???

thanks for the input.....keap ......i think you may be talking about your experience.......i never said anything like what you comment on........thanks ....but.......

No, as I said in another one of your stories that I commented on, I have not read all of your stories yet. However, I wanted to immediately comment because I can feel your pain in going through something like this.

No, I'm not talking about my own experience, it is just that in reading your stories you sound like you are really going through a rough time, and sometimes when people go through a really rough time they tend to act out with certain "textbook" behaviors.
The bottom line is that I wish you well, you can make it through this. Sorry if I was way off base with my comments, but your stories have moved me so much that I had to comment!

I don't mind comments but my children are dear to me. I have avoided at all cost to have my children see what was truely happening in life. It honestly is not a good thing to hid as I am finding out. My ex is a horrible man whom I put on a pedestal. He is really selfish and mean and is still abusing us from afar. Very difficult to go through. I have only been on here for 1 month I am trying to heal as much as possible so pouring out my pain. HE is not my problem HE is my abuser. and the father of my children. Very fine line to draw with children. Since we are still in the middle. I just need relief. I can't do much other then try to admit my pain and let it out. This story however is based on something that JUST HAPPENED! I left 4 yrs ago.....got out. Now he continues to well be HIM. I appreciate comments. I am still very tender in dealing with this. Since so much is swirling around me without help.....this is where I turn.

I totally can relate to pain coming from a ex. It sucks to realize that the person that you have had a child with can be a complete jerk (understatement). My son's dad punched me in the face so many times one day that I heard "swimming" in my head for 5 months. I was calling the police on him, it seemed like, every other week. Yet, HE would tell my son what a bad person I was! He was telling everyone and anyone that I would not let him come and see his son, that I was infringing upon his rights as a dad, when the truth of the matter was that the whole time he was living RIGHT NEXT DOOR to us with a woman who had 5 kids and was a CONVICTED child abuser. Giving her money, telling her all of MY personal business that he had learned about me when he and I were together. Right. Next. Door. to us. Havin' sex, ordering pizza, threatening ME. Not across the street, not a few houses down, but right next door. And it was in an apartment complex, so our WALLS were connected. None of my family lived close, so he felt like he could terrorize us without repercussion. I, too, tried to avoid having my child see what was truly happening. You are right, it is a very fine line to draw. But you can make it through it, you ARE strong enough!! You CAN and WILL make it through this.

pain coming from *AN* ex (grammatical correction)

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