I Cant Take Dd AnymoreLet me preface this a bit by saying I love my daughter dearly and wouldnt trade her for the world. However,
I cannot take her anymore. I have not had a real break from her ever and she is nearly 2.5 years old. W/ her brother(whom my MIL abducted when I kicked H out for being a drunk in the hopes that he would find some help under the pretense of "making things fair". DD was 6 mos. old, DS was 2.), it was the same way. I always got stuck w/ him while H got to go do everything he wanted outside of the house. If I had to go and do something I had to take 1 or both children w/ me always.
H keeps putting off when I get a break. I was supposed to be working this summer at least 1 day a week. He and MIL said go ahead we will take DD so you can go and work. Lo and behold, i kept getting cockblocked after I got accepted-"oh we cant take DD H has to do x thing for x friend, and we are too busy" etc. Then they both cannot understand why I am so raging mad all the time. This is not a new thing by the way, I was just hoping this time would be different.
DD doesnt listen, doesnt follow instructions, destroys everything of mine she can get her hands on, strips her clothes and diaper constantly, pees and poops all over the house, screams/throws fits constantly more so if she doesnt get her way. I am so exhausted I nearly in tears writing this. I have been trying to handle her, but I cannot take her anywhere due to funds/her throwing literally constant fits. She also will not take naps at all anymore, and she doesnt go to sleep until at the earliest 11:30pm. She gets 0 caffiene and minimal sugar and I have kept her away from all of her known allergies. She is almost like a ferral animal. I never had this problem w/ her brother.
She is only like this with me though. On the rare event her dad (H) shows up and takes her and me to go grocery shopping, she behaves. Outside of that it's crazy all the time. No one will take her though. I cannot afford daycare, & trying to do anything w/ her here is a joke. I've tried. She is very smart, but I have no way to stimulate her anymore. Im currently 18 weeks pregnant and she is to the point of giving me anxiety attacks and making me claustrophobic as she will not leave me alone, and I can do nothing as far as "me time" b/c that is all taken up by the chores that have to get done as quietly as possible in the rare event she goes to sleep which means even less sleep for mom(yay).
I have lost most adult social skills as a result of never being around adults or really any other people for that matter. My friends dont exist anymore due to years of either having to take 1-2 kids to anything I did w/ them and or having to cancel b/c after being told for weeks I could go to something, magically other plans appeared leaving me to have to cancel as I now had 0 childcare. I also have 0 money to pay a babysitter or do anything that has free childcare attached.
I feel like Im on the verge of a nervous breakdown constantly. I have been crying at least once a day for awhile now. I can feel myself cracking but I know MIL will use it against me if I do. She has already on numerous occasions called me a **** wife and a **** mother. She is doing her best to make everyone think she has custody of DS when she doesnt. She has tried to legally screw me over multiple times as well as tried to get me to sign over custody so I could "get daycare"-ie she would take custody then charge me child support which would mean I would be homeless and she could take the money and give it to BILW(MIL is notorious for being horrible w/ financial matters, and from what I can see HATES DD and only wants DS. She would be giving it to BILW b/c she convinced both her and BIL to quit their $40,000/yr jobs to live off her-wish I was joking. She needs everyone to be completely dependent on her or she goes berserko.)
I have no idea what to do.