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I Cant Take It Anymore

All I ask is, why me? What have I done to deserve this?

 

where do I start? I am 22, an unemployed graduate, and my life sucks. My mum is an alcoholic and has been for as long as I can remeber, I feel embaressed and ashamed by her behaviour, she is verbally abusive and even sometimes tries to get physical. She refuses to talk about it when she is sober, and just agrees for the sake of agreeing. After she has been on a binge, which could last over 5 days, oh her consuming vasts amount of wine and absolutely no food. The aftermarth is her not talking to us, as though we have done nothing wrong, and when she decides she wants to talk to us we have to act as though all is fine, otherwise it will be a stint of being blanked. As though she has to be right to treat me this way. I love my mother, i wish she would get help, but only she can help her self  and i dont no how much of this i can take, its tiring, and i cant take it anymore.

I want to leave, i want my own place where i can do what i want when i want, and not have to come back to that nearly ever day/night. But due to recession, i only have a part time job in a chip shop and so I cant afford to do so, i do not know what to do but i cant stay here much longer i just cant take it.

 

I feel so alone, spending my days online wanting only for time to pass so the following day to come and so that in turn will end. I hate myself, physically, emotionally, i wish i was strong i wish i wasn't so scared. I wish i could do something. I jsut odnt know what

melistar melistar 22-25, F 6 Responses Jun 23, 2009

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She is deep in her disease. It"s her terrible addiction that is making her behave in such a horrible way to you. You have an absolute right to feel such hurt and anger. You show such wisdom when you say you say only she can help herself. But know this: She acts as if you did nothing wrong because she knows all too well YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!! You have every right to feel embarrassed and ashamed, but multiply that 100 fold and as a mother, that's what she's feeling. No mother wants to do this to her children. I do know what you are going through! I was exactly your age when I experienced this. My mother was so far gone, she should have died many times. But something clicked. She found the right help. She is 86 now and hasn't had a sip of alcohol in 35 years. Have hope. Go to Al-Anon. Keep sharing your feelings, but do not take any blame or guilt upon yourself for the way you feel about this heartbreaking situation. I pray you get to know your "real" mom someday. She just may have more kindness and wisdom you could have ever imagined...just like my mom.

I know how you feel. You feel trapped and worry that things will never change. You can't see a happy future and that destroys you. I get that.

It's all well and good people saying to you to move out and get away but like you say, you only have a part time job and so can't afford to move out. I am in the same position. It annoys me when people think it's that easy, if it was we would all have been doing it by now.

All I can suggest to you is if you have friends, keep seeing them as they will be your lifeline. Spend time away from the house just going for walks or to a coffee bar alone, it will help clear your head. Also keep searching for jobs as something with more hours may come up.

To keep my earnings up I do a lot of nannying work, would you consider this?

I really do hope things get better for you.x

Go to Alanon

Cheer up. There is ALWAYS a way out. A positive way. Do you have any friends you can move in with? Get away from your mom. Even if you continue to live with her. Try getting HAPPY. Listen to some uplifting, fun music. This is going to sound really cheesy, but go on Youtube and find funny videos. Just laugh. I don't care if you're severely depressed. On Youtube try looking up some hilarious videos by smosh or ShaneDawsonTV; those are my favorites. Go work at your local Food Bank or volunteer around town. Hope I helped. (:

If I were you, I will not live with her. sure there are lots of people who can employ you.

She don't have to trat you that way. she should have at least some respect for you and herself so she don't drink alcohol. She loves drinks more than you. So stay awy from her until she stopps such ashaming behaviors.

If I were you, I will not live with her. sure there are lots of people who can employ you.

She don't have to trat you that way. she should have at least some respect for you and herself so she don't drink alcohol. She loves drinks more than you. So stay awy from her until she stopps such ashaming behaviors.