I Cant Take It Anymore
All I ask is, why me? What have I done to deserve this?
where do I start? I am 22, an unemployed graduate, and my life sucks. My mum is an alcoholic and has been for as long as I can remeber, I feel embaressed and ashamed by her behaviour, she is verbally abusive and even sometimes tries to get physical. She refuses to talk about it when she is sober, and just agrees for the sake of agreeing. After she has been on a binge, which could last over 5 days, oh her consuming vasts amount of wine and absolutely no food. The aftermarth is her not talking to us, as though we have done nothing wrong, and when she decides she wants to talk to us we have to act as though all is fine, otherwise it will be a stint of being blanked. As though she has to be right to treat me this way. I love my mother, i wish she would get help, but only she can help her self and i dont no how much of this i can take, its tiring, and i cant take it anymore.
I want to leave, i want my own place where i can do what i want when i want, and not have to come back to that nearly ever day/night. But due to recession, i only have a part time job in a chip shop and so I cant afford to do so, i do not know what to do but i cant stay here much longer i just cant take it.
I feel so alone, spending my days online wanting only for time to pass so the following day to come and so that in turn will end. I hate myself, physically, emotionally, i wish i was strong i wish i wasn't so scared. I wish i could do something. I jsut odnt know what