Make It Stop!

Now the evil part… the x is going to make me drink! All I wanted was a nice afternoon with my friends and I instead got his drama before and after my lunch date! He’s mad that he has to pay more. Apparently this little fact has just started to sink in and he wants my head on a platter. I’ve tried everything to calm him down including offering to submit applications for work on-line but he just wants his way or nothing. I’m tired of being yelled at, I’m tired of being told this is all my fault, I’m tired of crying! Why should I keep working a million jobs when it wasn’t just me that made those babies? Honestly I’d love nothing more than to be self supportive and not need his ******* money but that’s not the case and now I have to deal with him just to get by. I’m not lazy by any means; I’m not asking for more than my share, I’m asking that his stupid, lazy, good for nothing, *** get up and get a ******* job! UUHHGG! When I get to the car first thing I am letting out is this anger! One great big SCREAM!!! My tummy has been on fire all day, which is all stress and secretly why I really picked at lunch and brought it back with me. It just hurts to eat at this point so why aggravate things even more. He makes everything hurt from my head to my heart and I’m so sick of being his victim. Now his parents return tomorrow from Cuba and I’m sure he’ll turn everyone against me even more so than they already are. Whatever… I’m gonna work on potty training the baby and then get the childcare grant that I so need. I’ll find a way to get the childcare and take them out of his grip… all of their grips!




mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
5 Responses Mar 31, 2009

damn... o.o.. im frickin 12 and i can tell you either tell him off or ..... well ^_^ kick his *** out forever grow your kid and ingore his pleases lies etc. ^_- best of luck!


I just don’t get why it’s MY fault? I didn’t just lay there and open my ******* legs, he had some participation in the act too! OMG I’m stuck forever aren’t I? At least for another 16 years until the baby grows up. What kills me is he will turn around and show up at my door and treat me so wonderfully and sweet and make me believe that everything is okay. That I’m a wonderful and caring mom and that I’m going to succeed and be some body and then just when he has me flying on that cloud he rips a ******* hole in it and I fall to the ground! And it’s like this cycle… I see it, I live it and yet I don’t change it. <br />
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I plan and plan and yet I’m afraid to make it happen. The only thought now is that I graduate, with fingers crossed, at the end of the year. I was going to try and get into the local college for my Bachelors and, if I can make it, my Masters in Special Education. If I can get money put away and get a scholarship at a school farther away… somewhere, anywhere. Just suck it up and run. He won’t look, he won’t care, he’ll just be happy he no longer has to pay. Just gotta find a way to make it work and that’s the hard part. <br />
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Until then I’m just stuck writing crap stories to vent my frustration…

Oh that was more yapping than anything. No spending money on drinks when I'm trying to figure out the basics. Mostly mad at myself for being this weak and allowing him to win.

I'm sitting here trying to fight back tears so tired of trying to find to find a way out. So long as I'm here there is no way out!! I'm gonna look like a ******* racoon for school tonight!