PainfulDo you ever feel like you are walking through life watching everyone else live? Standing in line waiting to get on the ride but the ride never arrives. Waking up each morning and the first thought in your head is more sleep. Walking through the motions like an empty capsule feeling nothing but motion. You go to work everyday because it’s expected and the routine becomes a predictable waste. Have you ever driven somewhere and not remember driving there…that’s how I drive my body around daily. Smiling because it’s what they want to see, saying a lot of nothing which seems to satisfy the illusion that you are really there. Feeling dead but breathing and wishing you could just stop thinking. My mind is constantly thinking and with all this thinking I find myself without any further or better understanding. No epiphanies, no plans, nothing remotely useful just more empty thoughts. Trapped in a mindless cycle and if I am not living then I must be just waiting to die. “Maybe you need meds”…yeah…so then I won’t know that I’m walking through life dead inside. No thanks, I’ve come to think of this pain in my chest as an old friend…it reminds me that my body still exists….when the pain stops my body and soul will finally be one…that’s when I will find peace.
deleted 26-30 4 Responses 2 May 12, 2011