I Have Lost So Much!

The past two years have been hell for me. Every time I think I am getting ahead, Something bad happens. Im sad, lost and would love to just disappear. Just before christmas, my relationship of twelve years ended. While we had not been getting along and it was best, it hurts. I still love him and now that I have lost him, want him back. We both made mistakes over the years that put us in this position and I own up to that. We have two kids together and that makes it even harder. After he left, I went through both Christmas and New Years without him but then one day when he was picking up the kids he settled the kids in the car, came in the house and said he forgot something. He said that something was me and made love to me. This occurred one more time and then one evening he called saying he thinks he is falling for another girl. He gave me hope and then ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I freaked out. I said and felt like I wanted to die. My sister lost her mind and called some close friends of mine and tried to have me committed. The thing is they all felt that I should have been able to get over it quicker. It had only been less then 48hrs since he told me and I fee this was wrong. I also had already reached out for help because I felt myself slipping. I did cut myself and write some crazy stuff in my diary but I reached out for help. There was no need for me to be pulled out of work and forced to go to the hospital. I am so angry with all of them. I really just want to move and never talk to them again. As for my ex, he is still coming around, telling me he loves me and wants it to work. He came and spent the night a few nights ago. I'm so confused, sad and angry. My bills are piling up. He hasn't paid a dime in child support, sees the kids and me but on his own time. Why do I love this man. This morning I found out that he hasn't even paid the cell phone bill. I've been carrying everything and he is living with his sister paying no rent or bills. Im so hurt but I love him. I told everyone that I needed space and they are all upset and freaking out. Was this supposed to be easy. I know for years I said I wanted him gone. I know all the relationship became was fighting. The things is, it wasn't always like that. We were happy once and I want that back. I want this pain to stop and for him to come home. I don't want to hurt anymore. I want to go back in time and be happy again!
Mell30 Mell30
31-35, F
5 Responses Jan 13, 2013

You poor thing....I'm so sorry for all your pain. What an emotional roller coaster you are on. I know it well from when my exhusband and I first separated. There was so much back & forth and it really does play with your emotions. I hope the pain starts to ease and everything works out for the best for you and your kids. Stay strong and sending a hug

Thank you and each day seems to get better. I have fully cut myself off from him. The roller coaster was starting to make me physically ill and was effecting my ability to be a parent. I know I will get through this but some days are better than others.

I applaud your strength. It took me much longer to finally cut myself off from my ex. Good for you for recognizing it was affecting your parenting. That's how it seems to go...the pain/hurt comes in waves. You go along fine and then WHAM! you're a mess. It sounds like you are getting a little better (at east for the moment) so take care and stay strong. Sending many hugs!

Hiii every one my name is Juliet and I have been married for 1years and I have a break up with my husband 3months ago and I was worried and so confuse because I love him so much. I was really going too depress and a friend directed me to this spell caster Dr. Mojo and I made all my problems known to him and he told me not to worry that he was going to make my husband to come back to me and in just 24hours I receive a call from my husband and he was appealing that I come back to the house i have never in my life believe in spell and but now it have just helped me and I am now so happy. Thanks to him and if you also want to have your lover back to yourself then his email is mojospiritualtemple@yahoo. com

Yes, unfortunately, it will take some time for you to realize that good relationship is gone, and this ****** one has replaced it. I am going through the ending of a teen year relationship myself. I know it isn't easy, but you need to realize that you can find another who will make you feel like he used to. Even being alone is better than feeling used. If he can't help you financially with the kids, why accept him physically?

Dont think about him. You will feel pain for sometime but in the long run you will get over it. trust me if continue to look for him, you will always go through the same pain and your wounds will never heal. Try to look for some one who will respect your fellings and emotions and most importantly your kids. Choice is all yours but i would suggest, forget about him, avoid him and show him that you are happy even with out him.

It's so much easier said then done. I still love him and am battling with myself right now. I know your advice is good advice but not so easy to follow. Thank you and I am doing my best to let go. Some days just seem harder than others. I have a feeling when school starts again this Friday things will mellow out because btw work, school and the kids I won't have time to be chasing him around.

Do you think he's playing you, using your emotions against you so you don't take action against him?

I don't even want to look at it like that. If he is I will figure that out but right now I am knowingly thinking with my heart not my head. I love him and I want my family back!