Nodbody Understands How Much It Hurts

People that I have spoken to about what I have been going through this past week just don't understand. They think I'm just a hopeless romantic and tell me that just like I got over it the last time I'll get over it again this time, only that I shouldn't give it as long as the last time and just "move on"; those two words honestly just get on my nerves because I know that deep down they know that emotions are not like a light switch that you can turn on and off. If they were then there would be no such thing as hearache and no one would have to dwell over a lost love. That may sound ideal to a lot of people, including myself but unfortunately it does not work that way.

My last story I shared here was about me taking things further with another guy, after prior to him I felt an interest in another guy and had found it odd and hard to deal with, and when he realized my interest he cut all ties with me. But this new person that came into my life, not only cut ties when he noticed my interest, but fueled it with inviting me to bed after our second time meeting up for coffee. I didn't give in right away because besides the fact that I was confused, there was someone else in his life. They were living a tired relationship. Everyone that knew them kept saying that they were not fit for each other, they were just too different that's why he often than not looked to others for sexual encounters. At some point when we had come really close and spent a lot of time together I thought I could be a fu** buddy, and I must admit I selfishly thought that there was no reason for me to care about his partner if he himself didn't care.

So we did take things further, but it did not stay secret for long. The other party found out and walked out. To spite him he took their pet dog with him and more than him he actually really missed that dog, but he tried to get his life back on track, even found a new roomate to share the rent with until he figured things out.

I was having problems with my family at home end ended up leaving one night and going and staying with him. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, we had talked about possibilities of actually becoming a couple even though he had already told me about his issues with commitment. But the day and two nights we spent together I began feeling uncertainty. Again we talked about possibilities but then he would distance himself a bit, had no interest in intimacy but yet would keep on saying if you're here tomorrow we can do this and we can do that. I ended up waking up the next morning and leaving while he was still sleeping, not wanting to leave his life but wanting to bring things back to a bit more normal terms than it seemed like things were going. He got really mad at me for leaving without saying anything, and would not accept any of my explanations. He said it takes him a while to forgive people but considered talking about it face to face in a couple days.

Somehow in the process his ex got back in the picture, and I think that he is oblivious to the fact that I know. Thing is we had this conversation and we had said that even if he were to come back and they were to get back together again, that our friendship would always remain because he always puts his friends first and he never goes back on that yet it seems like he is now doing just that.

I have given it a couple of days since I last tried to get into contact with him. I have so much to say and I am dying for a chance to make him understand my motives, and at least be able to save our friendship which was valuable to both of us, that was probably the biggest reason why it was a mistake to get physically involved. Even though he is not the type to take orders from no one I know for a fact that the other party is being very territorial and has set restrictions. But things haven't ended between us and I know he must miss me too, maybe not as much as I do but we just spent so much time lately for him not to care that he hasn't seen me at all.

Part of me is saying just give it some more time then try again, another part of me is saying don't let anymore time go by because there's a risk he might think I don't care anymore. People are telling me to let him come to me if he wants. I don't know what to do, but I do know what I absolutely cannot do. I can't just let the situation be, call it imaturity, call it obsession, but I still feel the need to save whatever I can from this relationship even if it means just friendship, and I can't go down without a fight.
georget26 georget26
26-30, M
Jan 18, 2013