...and I Don't Know If I Want To.

My husband and I used to be friends. We would talk. He would listen when I talked. Not so much anymore. We completely lack intimacy, especially since the first kid was born over three years ago. We've been to counseling, but to no avail. I'm always on the defense, and I'm not an easy person to live with, especially if I'm not connected. In fact, I've been able to sever relationships very quickly and easily in the past when things got this way. Of course, I don't want to do that now. I love him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. That's why I married him. But, it's nearly impossible for me to open up to him. A lot of it has to do with trust. I have a lot of trust issues. I'm convinced, I suppose, that he is going to cheat on me and leave me completely ******, as my dad did my mom. He also really sucks at talking about anything emotional. His own emotions, or mine. He (as is typical with men, in my experience) wants to find a solution to my "problems", when all I want him to do is listen and understand (as is typical with women, right?). But it's more than that. It's like we don't even like each other anymore. We'll have moments where we'll make each other laugh, and if we can discuss issues and get beyond the argument, we come out of it talking to one another on a deeper level. But that's not often. And it's not easy for me to say, "Hey, can you stop playing WoW and hang out with me, because I need you". Just writing that sentence ****** me off. I shouldn't have to ask him.

Oy. This could turn into a whole other issue if I don't stop writing now.
earthlycreative earthlycreative
36-40, F
Jan 12, 2013