Trapped In A Cage

My story begins 6 years ago when my mother was engaged to this one person that I will call "Brian" Now Brian seemed like a nice enough guy, he would play games with me, teach me things and it was a great time. But Brian was a drunk, around christmas that year we had a non alcahol caused accident where my mother was driving, and an old lady chrashed into us. Brian was swiftly put on disability because he claimed he could not work anymore even though he was the least injured out of the three of us, so he sat at home all day doing nothing. Now every once inawhile he would get drunk and violent and there was one night where it was particuarally bad. 

He took my mom, and started to tackle her into the couch, at this point I was awake and I saw him trying to strike and strangle my mom, I was too paralyzed to do anything, eventually my mom forces her way to the answering machine and records his drunken rant. She convinces him to go on a walk and calls the police while he's out.

He ends up getting a restraining order and two weeks in prison, natually this angers me because I saw him beat my mother, two weeks seemed too short for what he did to her and to us. From then on I started to have flashbacks of the whole situation.

Fast forward 5 years to my main story. I thought we were done with him, but a weight loss program which I will not name here that my mom had been using and he had intoduced her to caused her to have a stroke. My mom came to pick me up from a friends birthday party and when she came in she collapsed on the floor and she still drove me home, when we got to my grandparents house (where we went)she had to be taken to the hospital.

SInce then I have entered highschool and had a living nightmare, my mom's unemployment and disability are barely enough for our living expenses and have become a burden to my grandparents now, she is in a unstable mental condition (her mind con not process logic and her short term memory is shaky to say the least, the only wayshe can show emotion is by crying which is awkward in public and all she does is sit around all day.

It annoys me because she bothers my with pointless things quite often, but worries me because I know her lifestyle and condition isn't healthy. Because of all my stress trying to take care of my own mother, my very controlling grandparents and my slipping grades because of the stress I have also realized that I am gay. >.<

I have a boyfriend that I met on a trip to visit my dad who lives in another state and we have been dating for about 4 months now, It's a healthy relationship and the only thing that keeps me from going deeper into depression.

My mental state is split to say the least, on one hand I can be a considerate, polite caring (sort of flamboyant) person but I have, not so much mood swings but a complete shift when I go to a quiet, contained, moody (very metalhead/goth) person.

Now the reason I am posting this is because I have no one to talk to about any of this, my friends are immature because they never have experienced anything like I have I guess, they just never understand, my grandparents are very catholic conservative and my mom is...not all there  and my dad lives out west. I need to find some help so I can go back to worrying about the things that truly matter, my life, my mom, my grades, my BF.
Hebichan Hebichan
18-21, M
Jul 29, 2010