Broken Girl

Well my nickname is Kittie, and Im fifteen and turning sixteen on May 13, 2012 and Ive been cutting since eleven but I haven't done it lately lots of things can make someone cut themselves.. 
       When I first moved to this town, I was in 5th grade. I moved into the house my grandmother died in, and spent so many summers and weekends in. School was alright, I did real well, and had some friends. I was popular, but I had some. But I decided to go and ruin everything, but I did something nice? Everyone knows of that kid in your school, that no one really wants a thing to do with. The kid that just is literally all alone. Well I felt sick inside. I questioned how could kids be so.. Disqusting? So cruel and horrible to someone. I decided to befriend her. I knew I was doing something good. I didn't care that Karma would have liked it. I was proud of myself for trying to make a change. Help someone feel not alone. Well being her friend literally ruined my life. A rumor started that we had sex in the bathroom stall (of course I cleaned the exact language up). It hit me like a ton of bricks. I told everyone is wasn't true. They would say don't lie. I tried ignoring it. They would say Im just hiding it. All through the rest that's what I dealt with. And sixth grade was the same. I had lost all my friends. Legit I have none. No one wanted anything to do with me. I remember getting into the car almost every day of 6th grade in tears begging my mom to not make me go back. So for seventh grade I swore to my mom I wasn't going back. So we had to find a new school to go to. We did but my little brother and I "caused too much drama" So we couldn't go back. And I swore I wasn't going back to public school. So I had to be put in homeschool.
      And now the rumor that is hovering over my name is that I'm a stalker. The story behing that is, I actually use to be friends with this girl and I would always go to her place to hang out. Well her brother was a pot head. So he thought it'd be funny to start a rumor that I stalked him. Although even know I was always at her place I never saw him. Well I deep down want to be a normal girl so on facebook I'll add friends from my town. Well these cool skater guys, I'd be funny and they would "lol" And we would talk on the phone BUT when Bob (lets just call the brother of the girl bob) would tell that guy that I stalked him, instead of asking me they would stop talking to me. So now I can't make friends because all the stoners band together and spread the rumor that I stalked them. But that confuses me because if they say I'm cool and we can talk and just have a fun conversation once they hear the rumors they drop me. 
      These rumors have literally torn me apart. This small town has torn me apart. I have no were to go.. No one to hang out with.. Nothing all I've been doing for the past 4 years is practically just stay home and listen to my music.. I cry, until I can't cry anymore questioning why Im so wrong if this keeps happening to me. Obviously Im too young to move. I have two more years of being completely alone before I can move. People say don't let rumors define you. How the heck can I make someone believe the truth? Kids just care about being cool, no one will take the chance to get to know me.. How can I go out and make friends when, when I try, they will say "No stalker go away don't stalk me either"  or "Aren't you the girl that f***ed Amber?" How can I?
KittieCriesDiamonds KittieCriesDiamonds
18-21, F
May 8, 2012