Help, Please. Need Someone To Talk To.

Hello, I am new to this site so forgive me if i seem like an idiot.

Well, I am 16 years old and i was going out with the girl of my dreams. Everything is fine, until one night we both decide to lose our virginity to each other. A few weeks later she tells me she missed her period and got a pregnancy test, she said she was pregnant and claimed to have done the test several times with the same response. Now, I know that alot of girls that age (16) want to tell their boyfriend that they're pregnant for various reasons. So i dont know what to believe, because I wasn't with her at the time she had the pregnancy test. Anyway, she said she was going to have an abortion. But it doesn't end there, a few weeks later her dad died. Which left her really sad, I tried my best to help. I kept telling her that i loved her and that I would always be there if she wanted to talk. A few weeks passed and i recieved less phonecalls and text messages. Whenever i saw her it was only for her benefit (like i would drive her to her friends house). I told her how i felt, i said i was feeling a bit used and thought that after 2 months of being the pushover it was time to take a stand and i told her that we should take a break from dating for a while. Eventually this led to more arguments and then we broke up. I was so angry that in the heat of the moment i sent her a text message saying that she was ****.

The next morning i got a phonecall from her cousin sayin that my girlfriend had commited suicide, and that she didn't actually have an abortion, but was still pregnant. Omg i feel so bad, i never knew it would come to this. I regret that night, I regret everything.  I wasn't allowed to attend her funeral, and im not even allowed to know where she is buried. How do i know if shes lieing about her death? how do i know what to believe.



This happened a month ago, i still cry myself to sleep.

lolguyz lolguyz
18-21, M
7 Responses Mar 2, 2010

Hey man your story is pretty messed up and i want to help you i cant say i feel your pain but i can say im here for you man if you ever want to talk im here

Its quite hard dealing with this much grief,<br />
Thanks for all your comments

I feel the first thing you need to do is find out the truth. You should be able to look up on line if there was a death announcement in her community. You may be beating yourself up when it is not even true. No matter what happened you can not blame yourself. She sounds like she was very emotional and unstable. The pregnancy and death of her father may have put her over the edge and instead of reaching out to you she pushed you away. As the mother of a teenage girl I can promise you they can be very dramatic and emotional in everyday matters much less things of this proportion. You did not cause this to happen and you tried to be supportive. She must have been scared and could not have coped with the future. Please find out the truth and reach out to your parents or a trusted adult to help you get thru this.

Thank you everyone for your comments.To answer your questions SingleMom77, No we do not live in the same community. We lived at least a 20 minute drive away from each other. And I didn't attend her father's funeral. I wanted to, but I think she may have not wanted me there, because she thought that i may have not wanted to go.I don't even care whos fault it is now, It just destroys me everyday to think about her. I miss her so much, im just so scared about where she is. I still love her so much, I cant get over her. Sometimes it literally just drives me crazy, i haven't told my parents because i don't want them to feel scared that i might commit suicide. But my brother knows.She left me alone, she was the only person i could ever truly open up to. She showed me a whole different side of myself, i honestly thought she would be the one I was going to marry. Im just so confused. I feel so pathetic, she had no trouble leaving me (whether she committed suicide, or not.) but im sitting here, crying my eyes out.

you cant blame yourself, because that is what it sounds like you are doing, what is done is done, im sorry for you and my sympathy probably doesnt help much, but its not your fault, not really anyone's fault. You tried your best and that's all anybody could have done. and i agree with Galaxy7, dont hold it in, i held small feelings and misfortunes in and a few years later, i completely broke down, i was depressed all the time and then i opened up and shared my feelings and i felt better. so dont hold it in, find someone who you trust.

Okay I'm a little confused. You don't even know if she's lying about her death? I mean, do you not believe she really committed suicide? I don't mean to ask hurtful questions, I'm just trying to understand. Does this girl not live in your community or go to your school? Have you spoken to her mother? And, I'm not sure if I should even suggest this, but chances are good that if she really has passed away...she's buried next to her dad.<br />
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I'm not sure if this is a case of a teenage girl trying to hurt you by making you believe awful things or a case of actual reality in which you have been thrown into a very cruel world.<br />
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If I proceed with the thinking that everything that you know to be true IS actually true...let me relate a story to you. I'm a high school teacher. Several years ago, we had this beautiful cheerleader at school. Her daddy was a very popular teacher and everyone just loved her. However, she had a group of "mean girl" friends as most girls do during the high school years. Shortly before Spring Break, there was an awful fight among her and her closest friend. At that point, her friend got very upset and told her that she hoped that she would never see her again. People say things in the heat of the moment...it doesn't mean that they were actually intended. Needless to say, within a week, the poor girl had been killed in a horrific accident. Her former best friend, the one who had uttered such harmful words, literally went crazy for awhile. She had to wake up to the fact at much too young of an age that EVERYTHING that you say matters in some way, shape, or form. The poor girl left behind ended up in an institution for a couple of years. Later, she was able to come out of the hospital, finish school, and move on with her life. I won't say that she didn't have struggles afterward, but she had learned coping strategies to get her through them.<br />
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I tell you all of this for one main reason. You MUST talk to someone. Go to a counselor or to a friend. There must be someone. Counselors will not tell your parents anything unless you are trying to harm yourself or someone else. They cannot, legally, divulge any of your confidential conversations. Their offices are supposed to be a "safe zone". If you are truly feeling at fault for any of the tragedy...you need to talk to someone and get help. If you don't, you will unknowingly destroy your own life.<br />
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If your girlfriend honestly killed herself, you have to take the bulk of the blame off of you. She was heartbroken, I'm sure, over losing her father. She was probably freaked out about the real or imagined pregnancy. When someone decides to take his or her own life...it's not usually a decision based on one factor. She was a teenage girl. I'm sure that she had been called a B***H before. You cannot allow yourself to feel one hundred percent at fault. And, honestly, she wouldn't want you to if she loved you. <br />
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I'm sorry that I wrote you a novel in response, but I am very concerned. This is a day to day conversation in the world that I live in. I have kids come to me with very similar stories frequently. It's heartbreaking. Just don't allow your current state of mind to lead you to things that it shouldn't. Hang in there. People are listening.

Thanks, Galaxy7.<br />
Its good to know that somebody out there is listening. <br />
thanks for your kind words.

You have been through a dreadful experience, I feel so much for you. To go through this at such a young age is a real burden for you. No one would know the guilt you probably feel (unless theyd been through something similar) You tried to reach out to your girlfriend, you were there for her and she turned you away. Instead of reaching out for you in her time of need (when she discovered she was pregnant and when her dad died) she seemed to have withdrew. You tried to help her you sound like a good person. We all say things we regret in the heat of the moment so dont beat yourself up over the text message! You have nothing to feel guilty over by the sound of it, you did try your best. It will take a long time for the hurt to heal but please dont blame yourself for this incident. Your girlfriend seemed very fragile and just couldnt cope with all that was going on in her life. Get some couselling from an older friend or relative if this helps. Dont blame yourself or hold it inside or it may ruin your future. I hope you can heal and be happy again. My thoughts are with you.