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I Write My Feelings Down

I can't talk to people. I'm not mute or anything...I'm just too afraid to talk. There's only a few people I really feel comfortable talking to, but I still can't really talk about my problems to them, so I write about them. I had a livejournal blog, til some guy started posting some creepy stuff on it, so I quit. I write some stuff on facebook, I just recently started here and have written a bit. But I also have a box of notebooks in my closet. It's not even hidden or anything. It's just sitting on the floor. I think I secretly want someone to read them all, but I doubt anyone ever will. Maybe after I die and my parents find it when they come to pick up my stuff. But I write all my problems and feelings down, and after I write long enough, most of them either dissipate, or I figure out a solution. I just wish I didn't have to write about them, that I could actually talk to people about them. But when I do talk to people about them, I start making stuff up and I'm pretty sure the person can tell I'm avoiding the real problem. So I just write instead.

 

EDIT: I forgot to say why it's so easy for me to write here or on facebook or even chat to people... I'm so used to writing. My notebooks are like letters to a friend I don't have, so in my mind, I've always been writing to someone, so writing to real people here or on facebook or chatting...it doesn't seem much different. But actually talking...that's almost impossible for me. And phones are even worse. If I'm talking, I want to be able to see the person's face, to see how they react to what I say, so I can tell if they're even paying attention. I've actually just stopped talking to someone mid-sentence to see if they're actually listening. You'd be surprised how many times the person didn't even notice for a few seconds, a minute, or until I got up and walked away. How's that for a self-esteem builder?

KaBe22 KaBe22 18-21, F 13 Responses Mar 16, 2010

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I want them to know my feeling but I don't want them to do anything about it ... sound impossible

i know how you feel, at least i did. one time i got in alot of trouble, and im glad i did if i hadnt i woulfnt have been as close with my parents as i am now. its good to be open with people because good advice could go along way. its never a good feeling to always feel so alone, and honestly youre not. if you want to start talking to people about your feelings you should start with talking to people you already trust. it doesnt necessarily mean you have to talk to them face to face, you can start off with something as simple as a tect or phone call or if you prefer, writing, write a letter. kinda like in school passing notes to each other. it will give you alot of closure and maybe some more confidence because youd be able to live life without burdens or words unspoken holding you back. in certain situations, i find sites such as this one, to help people with their problems, and at least then i feel as if i helped someone even a little maybe have a better day then what they were. so ill leave off with stay strong, remember youre not alone and someone out there will always love you, and most importantly, you cant allow or accept love from someone if you dont allow yourself to love the person you are today despite whats written in the past, you always have the opportunity to write your future and maybe start a new chapter.
new year new start right.

i feel your pain and can totally relate to you. I exepress my feelings better when i write than when i speak because there iz no one to interupt or to jump to conclusions.

i dont know exactly how you feel but i feel almost the same way that its like no one is listening and when you get up and walk away they dont even care, i really wish i could write but i just feel like even when i write no one is listening even though the only one that could would be me but then it would just mean im not even listening to myself... i wish i could be like you able to post stuff on facebook but i cant even do that cause im to afraid that no one will understand and when ever i do post stuff up on face book im right i post up my true feelings but no one even cares they all take it for real but even when i try to talk to people i end up exaggerating every little detail... if you would have any advice to help me i have some for you, even when no one is listening just make them cause eventually some one will care you just need to find the right person... but i do know how you feel in a sort of way and i wish you luck with al the problems you may have in the future.

I totally understand what you mean. At this moment I am in a very difficult situation. My girlfriend is going to go away for college at the other end of the state. We both love each other very much but she hates the city we live in and so do I but I have no choice but to attend the local university because of the expenses. She has scholarships for her university. Were the tables turned, I would not leave her behind. I know I'm more passionate and more romantic than the average person. But like you it is difficult for me to express myself by talking. I don't express myself very well when I talk, I get nervous. It kills me because I know being away for so long will make the feelings fade and she'll probably meet another guy. She says it won't happen that we'll get through it. But I know better. Of course she says that now because it hasn't happened yet. Most nights I cannot sleep as my thoughts try to eat my mind alive. So I get up and I write my feelings as if I were writing to her. By the time I'm done I feel so much better and relieved that I can finally fall asleep. When she does go away I plan to send all the letters I've written to her so she can understand why I'm ending it though I don't want to. I hope she understands why and I hope she doesn't hate me. Just writing this makes me feel better. I've never shared this with anyone.

Things happen for a reason, as the saying goes...perhaps if you open the door a few inches, the air would come in to your room & blow away the mist of your problems.
You use a lot of adjectives to describe a lot of inconsequential matters. Why don't you use verbs to take action on what's bothering you.
I'm here to listen...analyze & help you find a reason to live life to the fullest!

Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy peopleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Writing is easy, especially if your only audience is yourself. Sit down with a notebook and pen, or a computer, or whatever you want to write with. If you can't figure out how to start writing about what's bothering you, write about something else: politics, fashion, sports, whatever. Then just let it flow. Don't censor yourself, don't worry about what others will think (just make sure that you don't let anyone see it if it might get you into trouble), just keep that pen moving. And if you still can't get started, doodle. Draw something. As long as you've got that pen moving on the paper, you're letting a bit of yourself out. Sometimes even just scribbling angrily on that paper helps you clear your head.<br />
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I don't know if that will help you, but that's what I do when I can't get the words to come out.

i have tons of things on my mind and am wanting to write them down because i cant talk to people bout how i am feeling but idk how to start

I do the same thing. There are several boxes in my closet. I love talking to people but when they ask me a personal question I can the subject without answering normally.

Hi, I know how you are feeling. I could almost burst at any time now cause i keep so much inside me. It has now been over 14 years and i still have not talked about my true feelings inside. I cant for the life of me talk about my feeling with anyone. I don't know what i am so scared about.. I feel I am gonna ruin my relationship with my boyfriend over this... I feel like i was never taught how to share my emotions and feeling, but is that something you actually get taught how to do. I have an amazing family and great friends but there is a side of me no one knows but deep down i wish someone knew. I am glad(but also not glad) that there are other ppl out there besides me. I also have a book that i used to write in, it helps alot i think anyways... if you find the answer on how to overcome our fears, let me know. take care!!

If you talked to me in person, you'd see how little I actually talk about myself. Hearing my own voice bores me if I talk too long (even if "too long" is only my opinion...my friends tell me I barely talk). I don't want to be the focus of the conversation. If I'm asked a question, I answer it, then ask them something, to put the focus back on them.<br />
I don't see where you got the narcissism idea from what I wrote. Maybe you read it differently, but what I see is that I said that I can't talk to people, and when I try, I'm basically ignored.<br />
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I don't fantasize about my parents (or anyone) reading my notebooks. What I post online for strangers to read is almost always heavily edited by the time I actually click post. There's a lot of things I don't want my parents to know I think about.<br />
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"don't always expect friends on the phone to hang on your every word"<br />
I don't. I quit trying to talk about important (to me) personal stuff with friends on the phone, except with my sister cuz I only see her in person when I can afford to go home. I just wish that once in a while, someone other than her would give me their full attention for a couple minutes. I don't say much when I talk, and I think it's at least respectful to listen to someone when they're talking to you. If you don't want to listen to the person, then politely excuse yourself and go back to whatever you were doing, instead of pretending to listen.