I Write My Feelings Down
I can't talk to people. I'm not mute or anything...I'm just too afraid to talk. There's only a few people I really feel comfortable talking to, but I still can't really talk about my problems to them, so I write about them. I had a livejournal blog, til some guy started posting some creepy stuff on it, so I quit. I write some stuff on facebook, I just recently started here and have written a bit. But I also have a box of notebooks in my closet. It's not even hidden or anything. It's just sitting on the floor. I think I secretly want someone to read them all, but I doubt anyone ever will. Maybe after I die and my parents find it when they come to pick up my stuff. But I write all my problems and feelings down, and after I write long enough, most of them either dissipate, or I figure out a solution. I just wish I didn't have to write about them, that I could actually talk to people about them. But when I do talk to people about them, I start making stuff up and I'm pretty sure the person can tell I'm avoiding the real problem. So I just write instead.
EDIT: I forgot to say why it's so easy for me to write here or on facebook or even chat to people... I'm so used to writing. My notebooks are like letters to a friend I don't have, so in my mind, I've always been writing to someone, so writing to real people here or on facebook or chatting...it doesn't seem much different. But actually talking...that's almost impossible for me. And phones are even worse. If I'm talking, I want to be able to see the person's face, to see how they react to what I say, so I can tell if they're even paying attention. I've actually just stopped talking to someone mid-sentence to see if they're actually listening. You'd be surprised how many times the person didn't even notice for a few seconds, a minute, or until I got up and walked away. How's that for a self-esteem builder?