Masochist, Crap Family, And Insecurity

I've been talking to this guy online for about 3 years off and on. He's cute with dimples...which makes him twice as cute. Ugh. We met in high school,and then started talking frequently thrgh facebook im. I trusted him, I fell in love with him by playing this stupid game called "Truth"
When I finally found guys interested in me, he got mad and started calling me crazy and a ***** all over facebook . Granted, he was 17 going on 18 at the time-and teenage boys are just idiots. Well, for almost 2 years I stopped talking to him. I hated him. How dare he make me fall in love and then put me on blast for everyone to see? He started stalking/cyberbullying me. And, because I'm a masochist, I let him because I wanted to hurt him TOO. The thing about the truth game is that I know all his weak spots, and he knows mine. So, we use it to our advantage- to destroy each other. Anyway, I finally added him again because he had blackmail on me(nothing serious. just a picture of me in the ocean looking like a damn whale. Detect the sarcasm.)

We ALWAYS go back to each other. He doesn't hurt me like he used to when I was 18/19...I grew up. Words from pretty man-children mean nothing. I screenshot it and send it to all my friends.

Well, we started talking a lot (like we used to and on im so it's not a real friendship) and I told him about how I cut myself on my stomach until it bleeds. (His Response: With a sword? Me: No, with your girlfriend *****) and I told him that people with my condition(I'm Bipolar) are likely to die on the medicine that is supposed to "stabalize" us because it destroys our liver. Ha...and I told him I had 6 years left to live. He freaked. Anyway, that was just my twisted humor. Where was I? I told him how will power can do a great deal in extending your life but it's a matter of the Fates(I didn't say God because he doesn't believe in Him. Not like there is anything wrong with it. I do call him Anti-christ sometimes. Just to be a byotch) I told him about how I was going to make a difference by working at a nonprofit and eradicating stigma from those whom are inflicted with mental disease. I told him serious, silly and messed up things. And I just KNEW he was going to tell everyone. So, i kept on telling him all the things that I'm going to do, and the troubles that bipolar people face and suicide and everything the media doesn't care about.

Me: I don't know why I'm telling this to someone I sorta hate..but you are all I have.

LIE! I'm telling his phony self so he can tell other people and the message will be spread.

Well...besides that my mom says "Baby, you are too pretty to be fat" and my dad side hates biggie

Doesn't everyone?

Sorry. I thought I could go somewhere with the last two.

Advice? Please don't give me that hogwash about how I'm a bad person.

We are all a little messed up inside. It just takes someone fearless(i.e-stupid/crazy) to let it on display
DelusionalClouds DelusionalClouds
26-30, F
Jul 21, 2013