A Return to Passion...

I am a member of the "sexless marriage" group.  It took me 18+ years of marriage before I completely fell out of love and got to an apathetic state for my marriage. I have tried and tried to re-kindle a bond with my wife for many years.  There seems to just be no passion there anymore.  I am willing to try anything to get that back, but it takes two.  Last December something changed in me.  I do not know how or why, but all the anger, sorrow and frustrations have somehow left me.  Since then I have opened up to a co-worker I have known for 13+ years. Come to find out we both have had MANY unspoken thoughts about one another for a very, very long time.
We finally shared our first kiss. All the feelings of warmth, passion, tenderness, togetherness came back to me. I thought I had lost all that. Just one kiss...

If we never touch again, I will be forever grateful for just that one special kiss.  I feel alive again!!!

But I long for more.  I long for that next wonderful, tender, passionate kiss.  Time will tell.

ggzo ggzo
46-50, M
17 Responses Feb 7, 2008

I miss you...<br />
<br />
It hurts inside today as much as it did two years ago...

I have not been around much lately...but I am feeling quite down and wanted to post another comment about wanting...needing that next kiss....<br />
<br />
Funny...I re-read my comments from a year ago...and how true they still are today. It must be the time of the year...self-reflection, wanting to be with the one you truly care for, wanting everything to be perfect.<br />
<br />
So I guess I will just re-post my words<br />
<br />
"...having a down point in my day....<br />
I want so badly to be with her...."<br />
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Happy Holidays to everyone. I hope you all find what makes you happy.

Thanks Love...

...having a down point in my day....<br />
<br />
I want so badly to be with her....<br />
I have not seen her in many weeks<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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And I know exactly what I have to do to get there (divorce). I just don't know if I'm ready to do that to my kids. I know eventually they will understand. I know eventually they will be glad. But right now I don't think I can be the cause of that amount of pain on their precious little souls.<br />
...No matter how much pain it is causing me...<br />
...No matter what I will loose

Thanks all. I still struggle inside. I am not sure I can leave my home even with zero love left for my wife. And I know by that choice I am probably going to lose my friend. And that hurts so much right now.

Forever grateful for the one moment of passion... reminds me of White Nights by Dostoevsky. Great story man.

Francesca... I agree with you, though I feel he should move forward, it should be done in the appropriate manor, the toxic relationship needs to end before he can ever move forward.

I admire the two of you for not taking this relationship any further than that one special kiss. I'm pretty sure I know how difficult this is for all involved.

Lion02... if you do not have anyone who can tell you, I can. Children are very unstable in a loveless marriage. Sure, mommy and daddy are both there to take them to the park, but they do not learn how to love themselves, how to share intimate affection for one another, how two people "in love" are supposed to bond as one in the simplest of ways, such as holding hands, or saying I love you with valid emotion. This, in turn, creates another "walking icecube", one that will prob get married, have children and have a wife that didn't grow up like that screwing every one at the office because she needs that "kiss"... and obviously you know the one I am talking about, we all do, or we wouldn't be on this site reading/writing right now would we? Do you want your child to be on here one day? Or running along the beach holding hands with someone with whom he can evenly exchange his/her love with?

Be strong in the winds of change... do not vary your course... forge ahead and never look back again... "nothing ventured, nothing gained", you sometimes have to ask yourself "is my world flat"?

Wow....<br />
Thanks for the support guys. It has been some time since our kiss. We have become close. I do love her. I struggle with my decision I have to make about leaving my wife and starting over and all the trama it would cause my two wonderful girls. That versus me living a lie of a life. Living without love. Teaching my girls how a couple should not act. I fear they grow up not being able to express love as they don't see it in their parents.<br />
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My affair of the heart friend struggles with me being married. She is currently getting a divorce, but also struggles with going back to him for the sake of her son. It is hard on both of us.<br />
But again...the wonderful feelings of love, passion, warmth, tenderness are worth all the difficulties. We still have not kissed again since that first kiss, but our bond has grown.<br />
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Good luck to all...

ggzo, I can relate with you. After tucking all emotions away for such a long time, then you meet someone and brings it back up to the top. It's quite an emotional experience. You begin to feel alive again, realize what you need in a relationship. S

Ox - your post is not irrelevant at all. I fact it is more relevant now serveral months later than ever.<BR>My wife still knows I feel nothing for her. I have been absolutely honest about that. She is trying harder than ever, but I fear there is just nothing left in me for her.<BR><BR>My co-worker and I certainly have had what could be considered an emotional affair, but we still have not shared more than our one special kiss. She is in the process of of her own divorce and several other emotional issues that she needs to resolve, I have told her I love her several times, she admitted for the first time (just today) that she loved me, but couldn't bring herself to say it before.

Why let it get out later (you and your co-worker) in the <br />
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most unnapropriate way (leave wife for another <br />
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speratically) and then have hard feelings after that?<br />
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You need talk to your wife and figure out your situation. Maybe your wife can accept to let you have an affair, but dont you think that after all that you will fall head over heals for your co-worker and then what? Leave your wife<br />
or vice versa? Not only that but "if" your wife "allowed" you to proceed with this lady, what are the chances of your wifes and your relationship ever going back to the old days, pretty slim considering you've ttried, she's tried... no passion anymore no love.. why bother? <br />
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Arn't we supposed to be content and happy with ourselves and where were at by the time we are retired?(just sayin) or attempt to be, if this isn't happening then something isn't right (OBVIOUSLY!) Don't you think that your children will live a healthier and happier lifestyle if they don't have to be in the middle of this? Wouldn't it be a more pleasent and positive place to be if both parents were happy doing there own thing even if they arn't living with one another(your kids will understand maybe not today but someday)? When you have sex with somebody you are connected instantly, and well quite frankly it sounds like you two(coworker) already have some sort of connection(emotionally). It's going to be a emotional load that will not be very healthy for you(if you proceed to have an affair behind your wifes back), your wife and children to be in . Do you think you have a future with this other lady? If so why not follow your heart.. if it's recipocated.. which means you need to talk to this other lady and see if it's something worth divorcing over. dont we all deserve to be satisfied in life and just be "fufilled"? I'm a beleiveer... but I don't belive in dying in vain. <br />
by the way no pun intended on you baby I just hope you figure it all out sooner than later, for the sake of your well-being. What I have seen from your posts you seem very open minded so I'm sure you'll take charge and make some positive changes in your life even if that means safrificing for it to happen because yeaa know there is ALWAYS something positive that will come from it! Including Divorce! Sorry for this humongous post, and for all I know it could be totally irrelevant. Take Care ox

Thanks Mikebob.<br />
To answer the question - I am still married. We are trying to work on things. This situation makes that even more difficult. I know that. I would not be in this "affair of the heart" had the rest not happened. But it did and here I am.<br />
At this point in my life - I guess I am still a bit of a romantic and yes, the kiss was better than sex. Sex is what follows when everything else is right. It suffers when all else is out of balance. Sometimes I wish I were...but I'm not one to jump on anything with a pulse. My "friend" and I have built a strong bond over many years. We never crossed the line until now. More may happen. Maybe not. But as I said, I am very thankful to know I am not dead inside and I still have that passion and warmth inside.

ggzo, I can so relate. I have not done it but desire it almost as much as sex. I would probably be quicker to do it (than sex) but it would have to really be the right person... <br />
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cuteprincess... is it wrong to kiss another while still married? If your wife won't and hasn't for so many years you can't remember?<br />
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We kiss less than we have sex.

wow...amazing story ... i just want to know u left ur wife correct .. u didnt kiss someone else while ur still married to her.. just so u dont feel any guilt ... u know to relive that kiss u cant regret it..13 years to feel about someone and to hide it ... thats hard and ur still alve..? how did u sleep at nite? anyways im glad u feel alive.. its better then feelin like ****......so kiss on forever..