My Life Is Better Without Him And He Doesn't See It

i married ben when i was 20 years old, i see now that was too young and i did not realize what i was doing but, at the sametime i did love him. i had been dating him since i was 16 and NO. i had not lost my virginity to benjamin. He had proposed to me when i was 18 and i had told him that first he had to prove to me he could be mature and responciable. i've been 13 going on 30 since my father died, atleast in taking care of myself. so for me to love someone enough that i trusted them to take care of me was huge. but, i was wrong. when i was 20 benjamin had joined the US Marine Corp. and came back from bootcamp a different man. 3-4 months after he came home from boot we got married and i moved in with him....and his family. He had promised we were going to find our own place that same year....that never happened and then there wasn't enough space in the house so we were forced to move in with one of his marine buddies. because of the move i was forced to quit my job. his friend asked for rent money about 350 dollars and he never got it. He never got it because benjamin went out and spent it on new video games. then insisted since it was his paycheck he could buy whatever the **** he wanted and it was my fault for not having a job anymore. i tried to leave then because, ben had blamed all his mistakes on other people and then expected his mother to bail him out of them. 3 months later ben shows up at the place i'm staying to tell me he's found a decent job, has rented a place for just us, and is making enough money that i won't need to get a job, i can go back to college. One year later, after moving to ohio, going back to school so i can find stable career, having ben play video games 6 hours a day, ben blames me for not having enough money, ben gets fired or quits a job every 2 months, have to use all the money in my own saving accounts, ben guilts me into having sex everyother day(making me feel more used than loved) and he gets us evicted. I FINALLY SNAPPED. It tooks 7 years of being with this man for that line to finally be crossed. i feel like an idiot for letting myself deny all his faults, the only reason i had was i loved him at some point. HOWEVER AFTER MARRIAGE I GREW UP AND HE TURNED BACK INTO A SELFISH, SPOILED, IRRATIONAL, ******* WHO MANIPULATED ME INTO STAYING WITH HIM. I CANNOT WAIT A YEAR TO DIVORCE HIM. I HAVE ALREADY FILED LIMITED DIVORCE PAPERS IN MARYLAND AND HAVE STARTED GETTING MY LIFE BACK TOGETHER. THE MOMENT I FILED THOSE PAPERS I COULD FEEL THE PHYSICAL STRESS CAUSED BY BEN'S BEHAVIOUR LIFT AWAY. I'M NOT EVEN ASKING HIM FOR ALIMONY AND HE OWES IT TO ME (I PAID FOR ALL HIS MISTAKES) THATS HOW MUCH I WANT HIM OUT OF MY LIFE. I DON'T NEED TO WAIT A YEAR IN SEPERATION, I'M NOT GOING BACK TO HIM EVER!!!!!!
maggiejb88 maggiejb88
22-25, F
May 6, 2012