Mom 78 Has Lived With Me For 21+ Years....her Declining Health Is Wearing Me Out

Hi I joined this group because late at night after getting up to help my mother I can't get back to sleep. I will tell more of my story as we go along. THIS time she came home from Rehab/Nursing home after 10 days (after 3 weeks in hospitals) and they said she was ready to be home. This has been my third go around with major hospitalizations since 2006 when she had a double bypass. However they sent her home cause she was walking "200 feet with her walker". They neglected to say that she cannot transfer herself in or out of bed, she cannot stand without help, she has to use a wheel chair (she can't use her walker on a regular basis) and she is mostly incontinent at this time. If I had been fully informed of all of this I would have insisted she stay until these basic(transferring and standing at least!) physical therapies were complete.

I am VERY fortunate that I had her buy long term care insurance 10 years ago. SO I do have enough daily benefit for her to have a certified aide her from 9-7 daily. However the other 14 hours are mine. My grown daughter has a 3 week old child she had by c-section and she is staying here still as she needs help while "daddy" is at work, so she cannot help me this time, my other daughter goes back to college Sunday. I am up every 2-3 hours at night to get her on the bedside commode (if I am lucky) or changing a diaper and sometimes some wet bedding. I then sleep during the daytime.

I have to go to the chiropractor 3 times a week for my back ( my mom weighs 250 lbs). I am not small by any means but she is a challenge to move around. She also came home with oxygen and a bi-pap machine to wear at night as they found sever respiratory issues this time around. And her ongoing kidney and heart problems all coming out of her Type 2 diabetes. DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN NOT TO GET THIS DISEASE!

I haven't worked since December 2007 when the mortgage company I had worked for for 7 years went under. Well I worked for 4 months last summer and then 2 months last winter but no real steady career or income. I can't get a job as I am what i would deem unreliable just because I don't know if I am going to be exhausted from one day to the next. or my mother suddenly needs a higher level or care which she has needed about  half the time since my career went belly up. Oh yea and I am also in that menopausal transition somewhere which has thrown me for a loop besides the mom thing.

I am stressed 90% of the time and I know I am going to end up ill like her unless somehow I can really take care of me! I am joining this group hoping that I can get some emotional and mental support and maybe share tips on how to stay healthy myself while being a good caregiver to my mom.

That's all for now. Just enough to let you know where I am at and what my major stressors are in this situation. My husband works, and he is AWESOME at support when he is here. We just no longer have enough income with our savings and unemployment gone to make sure utilities and food, insurance and car are paid for. Had to stop making mortgage payment in June on a house we have lived in for ten years. ARGH! Sometimes I just feel like screaming!!!!  Thanks for being there and listening to my whine.
latanak latanak
46-50, F
2 Responses Aug 3, 2010

That's very kind of you. Since I wrote that my mother has been hospitalized two more times, ending with kidney failure and she is now on dialysis. What saved my sanity and everyone else's was having her dr put her on Paxil, an antidepressant with great anti-anxiety properties. For you go to this site and find communites---this has been my blessing caring.com.

Hi there,<br />
<br />
Thanks for sharing your story. <br />
<br />
I understand what you're going through and how much stress taking care of a parent can be. My dad recently tripped and while getting that taken care of, we uncovered several other problems he had, and identified other problems he wasn't taken care of. One of these problems is a type II diabetic.<br />
<br />
We have some help at home because we all work and it's impossible to help him get around the home while recovering, but he hasn't been handling himself well. He's moody and it makes everyone around him tense. And although we try to reason with him telling him the situation is only temporary if he continues to take better care of himself, he gets upset. It's really difficult. <br />
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Anyway, I just wanted to drop you a note to say I'm sorry for what you're going through and hope the situation improves in some aspect. It is good that you have a support system around you -- do you have friends you talk to around there? Is it just you? <br />
<br />
Hang in there.