My Father-in-lawMy husband's father had been living alone for 6 years after his wife died tragically in a car accident. He's now 71 years old and recently had a stroke. This old man hadn't been taking care of himself at all before the health problems, and it was eye opening to find out how bad off he was then. His feet should have been rotted off because he hadn't been able to take a shower in over three months (probably longer by the look of them). He didn't tell anyone, even his doctor didn't know. He smoked cigarettes, drank beer and ate nothing but fried food all day long. It's a wonder that he hadn't had a heart attack or stroke long before he did.
When he was hospitalized we had a big decision to make. My husband had lost his job a few months beforehand and I was working in a fastfood place. So moving out here wasn't that hard of a choice to make. I quit my job and we put in our 30 day notice. The first few days at his house were unbelievable. It was infested with mice and cockroaches, holes in all the walls. The man never cleaned and it stunk something awful. I washed the walls because the filth on them was just caked on. For the life of me I can't understand how someone could live like that for that long! After a month of cleaning and erradication of the pests it was at least somewhat livable. We still get the occassional cockroach and mouse, but we live in the country so it's expected. And at one point we had a family of racoons living in the ceiling, lol.
When the old man came home from the assisted living rehab center, things drastically changed. I'm stressed beyond measure trying to clean up after him. He refuses to eat with us in the kitchen and so spills countless crumbs and food in the livingroom carpet (not to mention fingernails and toenails he just throws on the ground). He will leave a dirty napkin on his side table for days and continue to USE it. OMG! He has full use of his facilities; goes to the bathroom by himself and can make his own food. But if left up to him it would be nothing but meat, fried goodies, and cookies. So I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner. When my husband is home from work, he offers his dad a shower every two-three days, but more often than not he will refuse. His excuse - he's not doing anything to be dirty. Oh, oh...and what the hell is that crap in his bed? Looks like danduff times ten! The first sheets i took off his bed, while he was still in the hossy we had to throw away it was so soiled. I wash his sheets once to twice a week. Yet when the person sleeping in them doesn't shower for that long, and doesn't take care of themselves, the results are GROSS!
The attitude of this man boggles my mind. He seems a sweet guy for the most part, but there's something 'off' about him. And my husband says he's always been like that. He acts like he doesn't care about anything. He's never said, "I love you" to his son in the three years that we've been married. And since we've lived here, he's said thank you to him about three times (we've been here 5 months). The medication the old man is on is enough to make him sleepy all day. He sleeps 12 hours at night and dozes on the chair all day. I mean that's fine, he's old and tired right? Oh, but that should mean you don't need to drive. And he still does - to the bar and hangs out with his friends.
The reason we moved here was to take care of him and ALL his needs. That includes taking him places he needs to go. I feel that since he has the 'good' health to drive to a beer joint and go pickup food (yesterday it was more cookies), then he should be able to live alone. don't want to do this anymore. To live with someone that is disrespectful, doesn't appreciate what I do, and is dirtier than my three year old. I'm at my wits end and feel like we're stuck! My husband doesn't want to just up and leave. He feels like he would be abandoning his father. Everyone I know keeps telling me he needs to make a choice between his father and his family. You want to live with people that love, respect and show it? Or live with someone who doesn't appreciate, acts like a stranger to you, refuses to talk to you, and is just dirty as sin? Yeah that's your dad...but come on!!