I Care For My Mother Who Is 89

Your story is heart warming, the care I see from families of elderly parents is inspiring, I am a CNA in a facility and I love caring for the residents, it is so healing, God bless you and keep being the angel you are. CindySue

I really empathize with your story. People are changed by their experiences, especially by illness, and disability, or the increasing frailty of old age, and this does seem to make them a different someone to relate to! My mother suffered a stroke a year ago, and I've been her full-time carer, as her daughter, ever since. We lived together before, but it wasn't like it is now... She was just as mobile as me, back then (it seems such a long time ago now, even though it has only been a year since it happened), and I'm still adjusting to the change, kind of day by day.

I feel glad to have been available, as it turned out, to be in a position to care for her. Whereas my brother has a family, and commitments of his own. So this makes me realize how unattached sons and daughters are a useful thing in a situation such as this!

In a way, what has happened has strengthened the bond between us even more. I like to think that, well, she has always been there for me, so I want to be here for her, now that she needs me.

And being a Carer is something of a learning curve. I feel it has made me a more mature person. The insights, and lessons are endless. Plus, the past takes on a different kind of hue now. I often find myself reflecting back on how things once were, remembering my mum as she used to be.
Sort of 'The way we were..."

This makes me sad sometimes; but I also remember a lot of fun times. And all the support she has given to me down the years. So now I just feel I'm giving something back for all of that... for all of the love and care which she has given to me, her only daughter...

you are an angle brought down from heaven to warm your mother's heart...she is your mother still, she simply has transformed...we all do, each day of our lives, you will too...my Mom died a diabetic and both legs were amputated..I saw her at the home she was placed for 5 years, she developed alzheimers too and she always recognized me although communication was minimal and she also had incontinence, poor eating habits, all of the bad things but I took it the way that iswas ....it is what is is...please don't dwell on the things that were, enjoy her now and today because when she is gone, you will notice!!! God bless you.

Parents are like God.u treat them like God den m sure God will make ur wishes come true :)

What a great daughter you are to be caring for your mother. I truly believe she is aware of all your kindness and concern. Keep up the great work even though it is a challenge. Growing old is not for sissies.

I wish my mom was still here. I could tell she was going soon. I knew that I was not ready and I couldn't stop the inevitable. She went suddenly one night at 81. I miss her so much. She was getting pale, frail, white haired, a little slower but still sharp. God took her too soon for me, but, I know she was tired and the last of her 8 siblings to go. Thank you for keeping your mother in your care. It's like child care in reverse. If you had kids you understand this. It's a phase of life. She is still your wonderful mother, but, very old. I am only 55, but, I am not the same mom-person that I once was either. I am cranky, tired, not much fun and overworked for many years.

i was an only child and it fell to me to take care of my father. I gave up my home, job of 13 years and came so he wouldn't be in a nursing home. i had to...he was a good father to me and my mom died when i was 12. It was hard and i still haven't been able to retrieve my life, but it was worth it and i had no regrets when i buried him. God bless and keep you in strength. Hope you have a supportive person to walk thru this with.

very touching and amusing. Your such a warm hearted and im sure you will recieved many blessings from God... That is a challenge in your life hope you'll stay at your moms side and stay as her sweet and loving daughter to her...Good luck and God Bless you and to your mom.
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I too send you lots of heart felt support with your care giving. Depending on the parents health, care giving can really be a challenge that takes the life right out of you. When my mother was dying of cancer I took care of her everyday, and my father was there for her at night. Hospice provided medicine advice, bathing and mental support for me. They are the best! Toward the end of my mothers life (3 yrs ago), my father developed Parkinson's disease. Just about the same time my youngest child moved out of the house. I raised my children as a single parent with zero support from their father (no money either). So I started care giving for my father who has digressed hugely over the past 3 years. I am a single child, so it's me by default to care give. The part I find so frustrating is I was so ready to get my life back after raising my children and that is not going to happen. I will be too old to enjoy the plans I'd made for myself. I feel like I am constantly putting out fires as all the problems arise from my father and children. On top of all that, I am disabled and need time to take care of myself too. I guess I am saying there is not enough of me (anymore) to cover all the bases I am responsible for, and money is not readily available. I know it must sound like a poor me story, but that is not how I mean it. I need to be capable of putting out all the fires, and I am feeling less capable as time goes on. Wishing you all the best to all of you wonderful people who are care giving your family at home. That is the way our society should do it, with the exception of certain health cases that require the aging parent to live in some sort of assisted living facility. God Bless!

I very much understand your losing your best friend. I am in the same situation with my mother. We had always discussed everything. Without going into great detail, I'll just say that I have to keep everything very simple now and cannot discuss anything with her other than "Are you comfortable?", "Are you ready to eat lunch?" May the Lord bless you for what you are doing. We must stay strong and fight the good fight.

I know exactly what you mean. My dad has changed so much, he's not the man or father he once was. It seems the older physically they get, the younger emotionally they become.

my boyfriend's aged gradmother has had a stroke , he looks after her, holds deown a regular job, has a 3 year oldd daughter. Lately , i can tell he is not coping well. I want to be there for him as much as possible but how do I do that without seeming to be ALL UP IN HIS BUSINESS. wE'VE BEEN DATING FOR A MONTH. i wanna know how to be there for him.

I also took care of my mother for many years when she became unable to care for herself. I did it because like you we were not only mother and daughter but best friends. No one else in the family even seemed to notice that she needed the help and I was more than happy to step in and take care of her. I was there for her through several surgeries and illnesses. I was also there for her through quite a few years of pain and the last few years of her life she was in almost constant pain. That was hard to deal with because the constant pain did change her personality at times but I understood that. Sometimes she would go from the sweet loving person I had always known to someone who picked apart everything I said or did and lashed out at me but deep in my heart I knew she didn't mean the things she said. It really wasn't her talking but the pain she was in.

Since we were both female I was able to help her shower and dress so I didn't need to get help to come in for those things. But I did take her to an adult day care center once in a while when I needed a few hours to myself. She seemed to enjoy her time there and it did me a world of good to be able to get away for even just a few hours sometimes.

Caring for my mother was one of the hardest things I have ever done sometimes but it was also one of the most rewarding things sometimes. I would do it all over again if I had to. Now that mom is gone I miss her so much and I don't regret a moment of the years I devoted to her care. Sometimes I think it is just hard to reverse roles and have to parent your parent but the only other option was putting her in a nursing home which I would never have done. I needed to know that she was well taken care of and loved and i knew that when she was with me.