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I Wish....

I understand how hard it must be to care for elderly parents although I never got the chance to find out as my dad passed away while still at the hospital. I remember at the time I would have given everything I had just to have him come home with me and get better. He never did. Looking back now I wonder if I would have had the patience one needs to take care of them and manage your own life also. Anyway.....just venting! thanks for listening.......Leasa

leasafb leasafb 51-55, F 9 Responses May 6, 2008

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Amen wannabenurse!!

I'm sorry for your loss Leasafb. Eventually you will realize that, no matter what you could have done, it wouldn't change the outcome. I am a true believer that things will happen...even if it has to travel a road with obstacles...it will still happen. I lost my son at 21 in a fatal car accident and I used to think too...what if... and what if... but I was always glad it happened at 21 and not at 16 or 18. I had him for 21 years! Let the good memories keep you going, they will make you feel closer to him! I'm sorry I wish I could explain better. Take care!

Wow! It is a fine place to put what you wrote! it adds to what you had in the first place, kind of "the rest of the story". I am glad you shared the story. *hugs* CindySue

I wanted to comment on Ivan's comment! I can relate to you becoming resentful of the person you are caring for and thats so sad when it happens like that, I think you made the right choice in that situation. My dad was very healthy working full time at 76 years old. He woke in the middle of the night last winter, drove himself to the hospital and layed in a room for 3 days till they could figure out why he had such awful abdominal pain. Finally they told me they thought he had a twisted bowell and they were going in to do emergency surgery to fix it. The surgery went well but they kept him partially comatosed so he could not have to feel the intence pain. They started to wake him up a week later and of course he was very sick with the ventilater and couldn't talk or say anything to me. Well it turs out that his bowell was not twisted at all. It was his hernia patch that was used in 2003 to repair his hernia that "fell apart" wrapping the broken string around his bowell strangulating it. He layed in that intensive care for another 6 weeks and then we were told that his insurance was running out and we would have to move him! Also when they performed the surgery, they released sepsis into his bloodstream and when he finally could talk again, he did not make any sense. My dad was gone and some crazy, cranky old man took his place. My daughter was so mortified to see her grandfather like that she walked out of the room and never saw him again. He talked of crazy stories about his younger days. I don't think he knew who his wife was but he knew who I was. Anyway we moved him to a critical care facility where he seemed to be getting better. I saw him early in the day on the day he died and he was cranky like he just couldn't take any more. He said lets get the hell outta here and please drive the car (he thought we were in a car) and all the while I knew he just wanted to go home. Well he was so cranky that day that I left and went home, I told him "see you in the morning" Later that night I got the call that no one wants. It was 10:30 p.m. I told them "no, no you must have the wrong room, I just saw my dad today and he was ok. Then I started to realize they didn't have the wrong room. I never got much info about what happened that night they said something about he was having trouble breathing and they just couldn't save him. I didn't want any details, I was broken. I called my kids. For the next 6 months I just went through the motions of living. I got a laywer, he took the case. If that mesh patch didn't come apart inside him, I wouldn't be writing this right now. Then to find out that the mesh patch was recalled!!! and was all over the news. Anyway this is crazy long but I just started to recall the events of that night and had to get it off my chest. I should have put it in a different place other than the comment section but.... too late now I'm not typing it over. Anyway I hope Inever suffer like that and I go quick because that was very painful for me to watch everyday..

My parents passed at a fairly young age as well but I then became one of the care givers in the skilled facilities and it was my way of having the family I miss, I love working with dimentia and Alzheimer's I never go home with out having tons of smiles and more love then when I came into work. *SMILES* CindySue

My parents passed at a fairly young age as well but I then became one of the care givers in the skilled facilities and it was my way of having the family I miss, I love working with dimentia and Alzheimer's I never go home with out having tons of smiles and more love then when I came into work. *SMILES* CindySue

My mother, whom I love deeply, suffers from severe dementia. My family was taking care of her at home for a long time. Her care was so demanding that I spent more time resenting her condition than I did about caring for her.<br />
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Fortunately, she had a few accidents (not major) that really pointed out to us that we just weren't able to provide the kind of constant, intense physical care that she needed. We wound up putting her in a "skilled care facility" (the lockdown ward of a nursing home). It was one of the saddest days of my life and very difficult for her as well.<br />
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She's been there for a while. The cost of her care is bankrupting me and my family. However, my relationship with her has improved significantly. All things considered, though, I would rather be bankrupt than have her pass away while resenting her or while she is supposed to be in my care.<br />
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I love my mother and I miss her so much.

Hi Leasa,I'm sorry that you did not get to bring your dad home with you. It is somewhat frustrating to care for aging parents but also rewarding. You sound very caring,I'm sure you would've done just fine helping him and I'm sorry that you didn't get the chance.