Worrying About My Widowed Father...My parents were married for almost 40 years, when my mother passed away from ovarian cancer in February 2010. I'm a military spouse and live across the U.S. from my widowed father and wanted to visit him, since it'd been 2-1/2 years since I'd last seen him when Mom died.
Well, I took the trip home last month and he's not doing well at all. (He's 67 years old, by the way). He's basically "existing" instead of "living." He's put on A LOT of weight, has Type II diabetes, heart arrhythmia, and doesn't seem well physically or mentally. He's lost all desire to do the things that he loves most, like put in a vegetable garden every year, clean up the yard, repair things that broken, etc. He also doesn't do barely any housework and there's clutter and filth everywhere in the house. It's so depressing to me and I feel so helpless, because I'm a 39 year old military wife with a family of her own to tend to, who lives 1,000 + miles away.
Also, back this spring my husband, father, and I were talking about moving in with him (my childhood home) when my husband retires from the military in 2014, and taking over the maintenance of the place and letting my Dad live out his twilight years there. Dad was all on board and so happy that we wanted to do that. Then a couple weeks later he started changing his tune and getting cold feet and didn't want to talk about it anymore and said we could live there until we found a permanent place to live. I was dumbfounded about why he would change his mind?
Then when I saw him last month we got into a argument about it and he was all paranoid that we would kick him out of his home if we moved in and remove all of my mother's decorations and knick-nacks, etc. It was a different side of him I hadn't seen before and I brought up the fact that he's clearly depressed with life, and he shouts at me "SO WHAT!"
I just don't know who this man is anymore. Growing up, I was "Dad's girl", but he's really changing into a person that I don't recognize. What happened to the strong, kind, understanding father that I used to know? It's so sad to see him like this and so hard to deal with. It's like he's lost without Mom and I feel really helpless in this situation because I live so far away. It's been 2-1/2 years since she died, he should definitely be getting better, but instead he's getting worse and like I said, "he's just "existing" instead of "living."
DiamondAnne 36-40 1 Response 0 Jul 23, 2012