What Do I Do ??

My mother had a stroke at xmas time when she had her stroke she was visiting me at my place which saved her from dieing no doudt.The problem is when she came home she decided to move in with me and me wanting to help her I thought it was the best thing to do however I know that there is no other choice I'm the only one she has .This makes me angry and frustated I love my mom but she has never been there for me she has helped with a few things over the years but this isn't the first time she has lived with me and it never worked out before but this is different she has no where else to go.She takes over my life follows me around the house ,stares at me all day it's like i'm 2 again .In the past when she lived with me she took over my life wanted to do everything I did when I has a date she came down to the living room and sat there not taking just watching.She was a big reason my husband and I split up as she lived with us when she needed help .What do I do ?? I have a heart I can't say no to her I can't leave her stranded no matter what it does to my life .I just want to run away and leave forever .I always thought that this situation was possible and I always said I would never abandon my mom for anyone but until you live it you have no idea what a person goes through these aren't children even though they act that way at times .How do I get over this the situation won't go away but my attitude has to How do I get my life back without my mom pouting and making me feel guilty about everything I do ???
anysuggestions anysuggestions
51-55, F
7 Responses Jan 16, 2013

It sounds like a dilemma that many face. It's great that you're asking for help instead of internalising your problems. Do you have friends and family that can help? Usually having a support network can help, or you can look at getting care from experts e.g. care homes, home care etc.

Thank You so much your letter is very real and experienced in this field .I can tell when people have been through what I'm going through.You are also right about boundaries your mother sounds so much like mine the hard to keep friends thing .I will for sure have this talk I haven't yet because she has been so ill but It's better done sooner than later .Once again thanks for the letter.Strangers have been so kind and I appreciate all the advice and concern

It's hard not to feel guilty when someone is so helpless, but you have to take care of yourself too. My Mom is 91 and in December fell and broke her hip. After surgery she wanted to come and live with me, but had to go to rehab first, funny thing is she enjoyed the rehab and wants to go back to the Nursing facility. Go figure.

When I thought about my Mom coming to live with me, I knew it wouldn't work. What I didn't realize is that it wouldn't have been good for her either. She needed to be with people her own age, people with the same afflictions to talk to. The Nursing facility proved that. Trust me, my Mom does not make friends easily, but she was forced to, and she did. If you can't have your Mom live somewhere like assisted living, then you need to have set boundaries, it may sound harsh, but you have to draw a line in the sand, so to speak, and get your life back. You need to have a talk with her and tell her she has to respect your right to have a life or she needs to leave. I know that sounds horrible, but more than likely she didn't have to care for her parents so she has no idea what it's like.

I know it's hard, but you have to get rid of the guilt and stop letting your Mom ruin your life, no need to be mean, just firm and look for some outside help to give you a reprieve. You are being a wonderful daughter taking her in, give yourself some props for that. I hope things work out. :)

This is so helpful just to type it out it's like yelling it out loud lol but just to type relieves the stress glad I found this site where there are people that understand what I'm feeling

Lukes80 yes you just hit the nail on the head I don't like to fight so I give in .With others I stand up for myself but with her I'm a push over always bailed her out

Thank you Pretyyinpink just having someone say I understand what you're going through helps .I feel alone and depressed and just to hear that from someone anyone helps

wow, isn't it awful how at our age, we still are being 'led' by our parents...while it's totally commendable what you're doing for her...you are the one suffering in the long run. I'm assuming there's a reason why she can't be in a senior facility?...it's a little bit similar to having an addict in the house (which my son is)..you have to set boundaries. She must respect your privacy, and that you're a big girl living your life. As "caregivers"...we spend too much time 'doing' for the other person, that our own life goes on hold.
I realize i haven't really given you any suggestions....but i do get it.