My Wife Caught Me Crossdressing

For as long as i can remember I've liked dressing in women underwear and sexy lingerie. Not only did it really turn me on and make my **** very hard. It just made me feel more complete. I had hid my dressing up all my life. happily married i would cross dress when i could. One day much to my surprise my wife came home from work early. i was in sexy lingerie and ************ on the sofa. I tried to hide but she caught me me. she was very upset but we talked and for a short time she seemed to be understanding. I wish i'd been a little more careful cause she made me show her all the clothes i had saved up . then she cut them up. now she watches me close and even keeps track of everything i do.  
birandy birandy 51-55, M 21 Responses Jan 26, 2011

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that would be the day she would do that to my cloths. I live to be dressed and if she don't like it

she could leave. I have more ladies cloths than mens and I am dressed all the time.

I love being me and no one would change that I have alwayd been this way and love it.

you all take care.

love Dee

For most women, it isn't the fact that you crossdress, but that you present yourself as one person and hide a whole other part of you. Yes, some women have issues with crossdressing because it breaks down boundaries they thought were rigidly firm. But ALL women in a relationship have issues with you lying to them (One good way to lie is to tell the truth, just not all of it. Does that sound familiar?). I can't say whether or not things would have been different had you been up front with her BEFORE the relationship truly developed. What I CAN tell you is that a relationship that is going to last must be based on total trust and a huge part of that trust comes from being honest. Have you tried to pick a safe moment without distractions to try and talk about this with her? Do your research. Find some resources she can look over in her own sweet time. Then broach the subject with her. See what happens.

pam , i too hardly ever dress up anymore.i love my wife and want to stay married forever but sometimes it seems it builds up until i just lose control of myself

I too have a wife that will not tolerate my dressing. When I was caught wearing her clothes she told me to never to wear her clothes again and I haven't. But I did buy my own that she doesn't know about. I know if I caught again I will be thrown out of my house so I rarely dress anymore. I also know that a marriage has alot of give and take and if I want this marriage to last I will have to give up my dressing. I quess it's a question of priorities. Do you want to be married to your wife or do you want to dress? Good luck

I love you girl.

I know and many of us fully understand.

Their comes a time when you need to decide.

Think about it girl?

Love you Louise CD

yes but so will making her deal with it . i taking the lesser of two evils

I've been there. This can be a deal breaker in a relationship. You may connect on other levels, but if you're not in sync on this, on some level, it won't work. Because like I say, I know you won't stop, and you shouldn't have to. So she will have to bend, at least tolerate it. If she doesn't, and you stay in the relationship, you will do it in secret anyway. And that could cause problems, obviously.

your so very right i wish id done exactly that .i did hint around but the reception wasnt good i just dropped it. shortly later is when she found me. almost like she planned it.the way she came home early with no reason.and yes i dont know if was understanding so i wouldnt lie but that is the way it happened

Are you saying that she pretended to be understanding in order to get you to admit more? Am I understanding that correctly? If so, that is messed up. That's really a betrayal of your trust.

I don't blame you for hiding what you were doing. I've done that too, and it hasn't ended well for me. But that behavior is perfectly understandable. You fear rejection and maybe you have some shame about what you are doing. I can relate. I just think it's better to admit to something like this earlier in the relationship because some people just can't handle it and it's better to find that out sooner rather than later.

yes it was deceitful but i know how she react after it happened we talked and she got me to admit alot about myself. it seamed liked she was being understanding just to get me to tell her more.

You're right, Other, she is not not being accepting but controlling. She is out of line, I do agree. But my main point is that I can see how she would be angry in this situation. I can understand that. And some people will never accept cross dressing no matter what.

It's like if you were a Christian and you married someone who was secretly Buddhist and then you discovered their true religion. You'd be angry if it was important to you to be married to a fellow Christian. It's all well and good to say you shouldn't care what religion the other person is if you love them... except what if you do care?

She should have thought this through a little further now you get to buy all new clothes,lucky you, maybe you should take her shopping with you and let her pick out some of your new outfits. You are who you are deal with it!

That's the best possible outcome and I'm glad that's how it worked out for you. But I don't know if it that's possible in all relationships. Not all women will be so understanding and accepting. She could examine her reaction and hopefully she will. Maybe her initial reaction was just an angry outburst and a prelude to healing and acceptance. Hopefully that's the case.

I do think she overreacted, and what she did was very hurtful and she treated him like a child, which is not right. But I can see her being angry. There was some deceit on his part. And some women are just not ok with this. They are entitled to their opinion and their preference. The desire to cross dress goes deep and is really a part of us and who we are. I know this. But other people don't have to be ok with it just because we can't help it.

Something has to give here. I'm not saying he should give up cross dressing. First, I don't believe that, and second, it wouldn't happen anyway. Like I said, it's a part of him (and you and me). But either she has to accept it on some level, he has to give it up (or pretend to, or agree to do it only when she is not around), or they have to go their separate ways.

It will be hard no matter what. I have sympathy for all the parties and hope they come to some kind of resolution that works, on some level, for both of them. But this shows that it's really best to be honest upfront about ourselves, no matter how difficult that may be. That is something I am trying to practice too.

That's just awful. I can understand her being angry. But still, that wasn't right of her. Best of luck to you whatever you decide to do now.

you all are so right each of you have points. i just feel so very stuck

I can't believe she did that, thinking it would fix anything? Only you can decided what you are going to do next. You need to talk to somebody that understands and help you figure out what you are going to do. It is not going to go away. It is part of you, too bad she didn't understand that. Good luck, my friend.

Its so sad, seems, she really don't understood this. In this weekend I met with a friend of mine and I told her everything, okay, she saw me before, and I said few things to her. Her reaction: its okay, I understood it, they are much more comfortable; OK, not all of them, but the mostly, they have better style. She said, everybody should be dressed as he/she want. Thats the fine attitude... Sadly many years earlier, she wanted only a friendship from me.... Can I extract this understandings from her mind and seed it to everybody's mind???? It would be nice. She had fine, that I wear high heel as I want, why should I torture myself to be somebody, what I'm not... She's a great woman!!!

tessa i so much wish see let me be myself but it is not going to happen .just have to hide which is such a shame.

i'm amazed thats all she did, but you know you cannot stop dressing up so maybe now that she knows you can just be yourself a little bit more

Oh that is so sad... she doesnt realize that you will never stop and that It is a part of who you are. I hooe you can find a way to express this side of you, because if you dont it will come flooding out at some point. Good luck, i hope it works out for you.