Hiding In The Dark.
I been with my boyfriend/ common law husband going on 13 year's, we have two children together. I first caught him Jacking off quite a few years back even before we had kids together. I got mad of course because I like to have sex and am willing to do it whenever, where ever and whatever. I thought it would stop over the years. But he just got better at keeping it hidden like when he takes a shower or when I am asleep or when I am gone. Most of the time I caught him or he would be lazy and not throw away his tissue and I find it when I clean.
I thought we could be adults and talk about it, He said he would stop and of course I be lived him. Time passed and all was going while when of course the tissue showed up again. I would ask him to threw it away himself because I'm not cleaning a mess that I was not involved with. His excuse was that it was from his nose. (yeah right whatever)
So I learned to not say nothing so we don't fight, But now it got worse before he would just look at **** or the magazines or something off T.V. Now he does it to pics on my space. He has over a thousand of nasty girls showing there butts or boobs. I let him know that what he was doing was something a single man would do and if he wanted to keep doing that, that soon he would be single. He just told me what I wanted to hear at that moment. I told him how he made me feel by doing this. His COME BACK WAS (i don't do drugs i don't drink and i don't hit you this is all i have) He miss the hole message i was trying to get across to him. So I let it go like I always do hoping he could see that all I want is for him to come to me at times. .
One day he caught me looking at his my space and got angry with me because we talked about privacy. When we talked about that I thought to myself what is it that he is trying to hide from me. We fight and said nasty words to each other... Nothing got solved nor did he stop.
Last night was what drew the line in the sand. We haven't made love (what he like's to call it me i say do it or sex ). It's after three in the morning and I usually wake up to turn off the T.V. So I am looking for the remote on the bed and notice he isn't't there. At first I lay there thinking where could he be hiding in the house Jacking off. Then I hear him in the computer room. I TRY to be quite you know not stepping where the floor squeaks and I did it half asleep and Dizzy because I am sick. While he has the door open and i ask him what is he doing sitting in the dark and he jumps and turns around in the computer chair does a second look and puts his head in his hands as to say of **** i got busted and says the computer screen isn't't even on. Then it takes him a couple of minutes to come to the room and answer my question. First it was O I was seeing if it was raining then when I didn't't answer him he said while I thought i heard something. So I was just sitting there to listening for what I heard.
When he seen that I was getting my blanket and pillow to go and sleep down stairs with the kids. He stuck to his story I just agreed to everything he said. I was sick and tired of fighting for his ****. He told me that he was tired of my attitude and I told him that I was SICK AND TIRED LAYING IN BED WAITING FOR HIM TO HAVE SEX WITH ME. I WAS TIRED OF MAKING ALL THE FIRST MOVES AND ASKING TO HAVE SEX AND THAT I WANTED TO FEEL SPECIAL LIKE I MAKE HIM FEEL. He didn't't say nothing to that.
It took him a while before he said that he knew what the problem was, I will delete some of the girls on my space sit here with me and watch. I walked away telling him that was no longer the problem that I learned how to not letting that bothering me. It was the fact that he has a lady who is laying in the next room hoping one day he will wake me up just to have sex. The way I do to him telling him it feels nice don't it. while that's what i wanted.
Now I been talking to him with no emotions and not starting the conversion.