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I Challenge You

EDIT: From March 2010- twistedchild , every Wednesday at 3pm, Melbourne (+10GMT) time. It archives, so don't fret if you miss it!!


I challenge your concept of beauty. I have spastic ataxic quadriplegic cerebral palsy. I can't walk or hold my own balance for more than a few seconds. My tight muscles sometimes make my limbs contort. I have a crooked smile and bifocals. I use a motorised wheelchair and am forced to wear incontinence aids due to a lack of care funding for more "bathroom breaks". The bulge caused is probably not obvious but I hate it. I have scars from too many surgeries gone awry. I am flat chested. I have not had sex in many moons because nobody local desires me.

I challenge your concept of beauty, because I am beautiful, no matter what.

I am not physically ugly, but I worry about the societal view of beauty. I cramp in the missionary position, so the quickie lover should not pursue me. I like the physicality of sex, but I am no bimbo. This is my challenge, does a partner have the compassion to spend quality time with me?

TheRealWoman TheRealWoman 31-35, F 71 Responses Oct 15, 2008

Your Response


I would certainly enter into a friend-with-benefits relationship with you, sight unseen, because you seem like a great person to chat with (intelligent, honest, secure), and that makes you attractive to me. To be honest, if I'd be required to care for you in ways that I don't need to do for the average woman on the streets, then I would shy away from getting more involved with you regardless of how beautiful you are. I'm brutally honest, it's a curse.<br />
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As for sex, I'm flexible and great with oral so you'd have no problem with cramps around me. Once I learn all the things that turn you on, watch out!!! Your heart had better be healthy! :)

Hey Doll, I can go on the conversations we've had alone.. I don't give a flying rats arse what abilities you have. You have treated me with nothing but respect, and caring. I will endeavour to do the same to you. <br />
<br />
I have a very good friend who has spina bifida, I seen the pain she goes through, I've seen her scars and been trusted enough to go with her to specialist appointments with her. I know her history too and the horrors she's faced throughout life.. It comes down to this. I love her with all my heart and would do anything to take that pain away from her if only for one day - I would in a heart beat do so. I don't care what abilities she may or may not have... She is my friend, and I love her regardless. I have worked with children of all abilities, and needs.. So yeah... <br />
<br />
I wish you nothing but the best, blessed be, and may you find your one true love who satisfies your every desire both in life and the bedroom. Take Care Doll.. and give any of em doubters hell! LMN xxxx

peoplesprincess, I'm alright. It's the men and women who might try to catch me that you should worry about. I test them well these days.

love ya babe, don't worry you will find true love, be careful babe I worry about you!

any time, i am would love to chat with you and anyone else.<br />
<br />

Oh, man...I am adding you 637robert, I can empthise. Let's chat.

hi, i am there with you!! i have c.p. also and am so lonely to hold a nude woman, but they will not even give me the time day! i am 52 and never have seen a real set of boobs and that is all i wish for, i don't want sex just a nice set of breast to hold, suck, kiss, ect. i go out dancing hoping to get luckly, but all i get is being made fun of! we have a hard life. there are so many women and guys in this world that a few of them could see our need of being loved, and touch and give it to us, but we ,or a least i, get told "no no you must not think of that" "thay are only worker and you don't say any think to upset them"! so we must keep all our feeling in, to keep from being put a way.. not fair

YOU are NOT your body - you are YOU and I admire you for many reasons, but NOT because YOU are in a 'crooked' body. I admire you for your realisation that you ARE beautiful on the inside, and for your tenacity in reaching out to others regardless of your 'disabilities'.

I unfortunately agree with Lewcifer. People, naturally try to make others feel better and generally tend to think more positively than things really are. This online forum is a safe place for those to express themselves, but who in reality wouldn't judge someone with a physical ailment. "Stigma" by Erving Goffman addresses this concept. I think that physical attractiveness is not the most important thing in the world, and although it is scientifically proven that the most attractive have the most job opportunities and such this does not mean everything. Some of the prettiest people I know are the most miserable!

You are a strong and truly beautiful person; an inspirational to us all. Your positive attitude and belief in yourself should be an example to many. It is you and your story that I think is beautiful and I thank you for sharing it with us. Many blessings and love to you.

I bet you hear this all the time but its true beauty is within not on the outside, i put make up on when i go to work but its not for the benefit of other people but for me. You will find somone who will love and respect you for who you are. You should get on a dating website not a dodgy one because some are but maybe you will find that person you want and that wants you xx

I agree with you and thanks for the challenge! I will and I will start with me. 6 years ago, I'm being afflicted my vitiligo taking away my skin color all over my body and no part has been immune. I don't recognize my body or my face without make-up. I'm afriad to date for what men may see (them being visual and all) instead of embracing my beauty and uniqueness. You helped me with this challenge and I wish you much luck!

Even if the body is wasted the complexity of the mind can also be beautiful. The human mind will respond to this as surely as it will physical beauty.

To a certain degree, what we find attractive is biological, based on the primal drive to recreate. <br />
<br />
But we also possess a higher level of consciousness than the primal. At that level, we can understand that every body and every face is a unique work of art, indeed a masterpiece. <br />
<br />
It usually takes getting to know someone to find what is truly beautiful about them. So, one might say that some souls inhabit bodies or faces that are gatekeepers. Only those who are evolved enough to see past our usually shallow and narrow standards of beauty are able to approach such souls.<br />
<br />
I personally have developed a distaste for the artificial. Today, many people only recognize beauty in that which has been altered or enhanced in some way. I have even stopped wearing makeup. What you see is what you get. If it keeps you from getting to know me, I haven't lost anything. The only thing I have lost is my dependence on the cosmetic industry. Actually, I can't say I lost it. I deliberately let it go.

Well, l find l have to agree with Lewcifer's very first comment about the biological basis of attraction, but that is all l agree on with him and agree with beckyboo that this guy is definitely a pretentious knob-jockey.<br />
Anyway.<br />
Outer beauty is all very well & good for the initial attraction, but then the ball gets handed over to internal beauty and if there is none of that then let me tell you straight out a guy will be gone in a heartbeat.<br />
I've dated 'beautiful' women and 'ugly' ones, but they were all very beautiful inside.<br />
I can't remember the exact wording, but l once heard a comment like "Come for the show, stay for the meal", and it is much the same with most relationships.

THey say Beauty is only skin deep!<br />
<br />
Over the months I have been with E.P., I have come to <br />
admire the person known as The Real Woman!<br />
<br />
..The beauty she exudes is spectacular!<br />
<br />
Yes T.R.W.....You are a beautiful woman!!

When I first read your tittle up there...I thought that you perhaps meant that you were like me...a plus size women living in a skinny world so I read on. <br />
<br />
Because we are human beings we tend to let the world tell us how good we are at something or how pretty we are in our clothes, our skin or just in general. But we keep forgetting that we own the rights to ourselves....and we are the only authors of the only dictionary which defines us...<br />
<br />
And the world is always trying to tell us what beauty is...but beauty is as we define it, sure people respond to visual stimulus of a handsome man or woman from time to time but that doesn't qualify as the only source of beauty in the world.....not even. <br />
<br />
And I don't think its sappy, or sentimental or sugar coated words with no meaning to tell someone like yourself that I too also find you quite beautiful. I like your spirit and energy and how you view things quite a bit. After all true love surpasses old age, wrinkles...plastic surgery...and a nice body.

YOU ROCK SEXY CHICKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
This is why society has gone crazy because even people with the kindest sexiest most beautifull sould go unrecognized.<br />
<br />
I salute you<br />

beckyboo- Pretentious a-holes soon get their come uppence. Thanks for your lovely comment.

Well Lewcifer-arent you the big (intellectual) man-good on you. You are whats known as a dream squasher. Your attitude stinks and just cause you know what you know doesnt mean you couldnt respond nicely. TheRealWoman you are awesome-despite everything you are positive and vibrant-dont take any notice of pretentious A-holes.

First. TRW.. you are a beautiful peson. beauty is a concept, nothing more. You have a beuatiful heart and spirit. Period. <br />
Second: society grows when conventions and precepts are challenged. Period.<br />
<br />
And last but not least: As i read Lew. YOu are definiting a bio-chemical response. In that you are almost correct. but I would challenge you to review recent developments and finding in that sutdy before quoting it as fact.<br />
<br />

Damn skippy!! We're all beautiful!!

*smiles*<br />
Everyone floors me with their lovely comments.<br />
<br />
Coyotegray, I didn't think I had "groupies" but it seems I might....and hey, I actually wouldn't mind company. Thank you for your support! *kiss*

I don't know that i have a "concept" of beauty. I deem anything that is pleasant to my senses as beautiful.<br />
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You, are probably not what i would consider beautiful in a physical way, the way that society is so fixated on, but its clear to me that you have value as a person that is not as simple as physical beauty. Because thats what physical beauty is, its just the most obvious, most primitive and simplistic form of beauty. Physical beauty fades, it is eroded by time and destroyed by circumstance, but mental, intellectual, and spiritual beauty, can survive a thousand life times, and be cherished and coveted by millions and millions of people, long after our physical bodies have returned to the earth.

you are beautiful within it shines out beauty , and as far as i can see ur pic are gorgeous ,,

i salute you my friend... you're an inspiration. keep it up (-;

Beauty,as with many words is subjective,and it is my considered opinion that it can not be defined in absolute terms.

Inspiring post TRW! Many wonderful replies.

Wow. A lot of great comments here. <br />
<br />
Lewcifer: TheRealWoman wasn't attacking you personally. <br />
<br />
She wanted to generate some discussion and position that within a context of reconsidering what people classically term beautiful.<br />
<br />
I don't recall her saying that she was insisting that she be a massive turn on for you in terms of overall attractiveness, so perhaps you need to clarify that distinction a little.<br />
<br />
We are all *very* clear on the fact that you know what you like. <br />
<br />
But that doesn't mean that you couldn't change your opinion of what might be included in that at some point in the future.<br />
<br />
By the same token, you might be hard-wired to like exactly the same thing, whether you call it beauty, attraction, or any other description from now until death.

Therealwoman,<br />
Here I was feeling sorry for myself today because Mother Nature blessed(?) me with my hormonal weight gain and my week of pure hell.<br />
I have had the task of trying to find my own beauty since I was a little girl and never quite felt like I was attractive enough.<br />
Yet I read your story this sunny morning and the lightbulb seemed to flicker on!<br />
You my dear, are the embodiment of true beauty in every sense of the word. It is through your words that people like me become inspired to challenge perceptions and rethink the concept of beauty.<br />
<br />
Sooo..I guess what I am trying to convey is that I am tired of trying to fit my (very) round peg in the skinny square hole that society pushes as "normal" and I am going to be more kind to myself.<br />
Thank you so much...Perspective is everything. :)