Chastity Belts - Complaint And Joke

At great expense I purchased a top of the range chastity belt to protect my wife during a long business trip to America.

We spent our last delightful day together in the UK with much affection sex and fetish activities that turned us both on.  

Both of us were a little sore and in need of a shower!  

"Darling - I have a special present for you but I will need to take you to the shower first."

It was the wrong thing to do!  As my hands soaped her breasts and nipples and ruffled her beautiful pubic hair she was suddenly aroused again giving me a passionate kiss.  "Stop" I commanded threatening to set the shower to cold.

Pulling her from the shower I fondly dried her carefully with a warm towel.  She giggled at the attention I was giving between her legs and butt.

"Close your eyes and I will help you into my going away present"  A guesting game took place as first one leg and then the other was in place and she felt the padded but rigid front.  "Open your eyes now" and I showed her a key,   "What do you think of your new underwear?

"Underwear" she moaned "It's unfair - whilst you are philandering with your EP friend in America you expect me to wear this chastity belt"

"It is cheap and nasty - the key is just like one to a suitcase"   Laughing she ran to our office just wearing the chastity belt.  Rummaging through the various case and padlock keys we keep there she held one up in triumph. "This will fit" she said.   Inserting and turning the key in the chastity belt she was able to release the lock and remove the device.

Do you agree with me that the chastity belt was not fit for purpose and I am right in making a formal complaint to Trading Standards?

........... and all this is a long pre-amble to an old joke

King Arthur was getting ready to go on a Quest. He was worried about leaving his beautiful Queen Guinevere alone with all those lonely knights of the Round Table. So he went to his famous wizard, Merlin, for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he could come up with something.

A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. 'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

'Merlin, you are a genius!' said the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.' After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection. Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Lancelot.

'Sir Lancelot,' exclaimed King Arthur, 'The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'

But Sir Lancelot was speechless...


Jerryattic Jerryattic
51-55, M
Jan 20, 2013