The Worst Decision I've Ever Made

My now ex-boyfriend and I were together for two and a half years and knew each other a year before that. We go to college together which is great, but we always have problems whenever we come home because he tends to neglect me and treat me badly. Last summer, we were really bad, just like any other time we're not at school. I cried and fought for him every day, but he simply didn't care. I felt like he no longer cared about me and was just dragging me along... At some point, 2 months later, I stopped caring about him and the relationship. I began to be pulled towards his friend who gave me a lot of time and attention. I never had any feelings for him but I guess I was attracted to the emotional support he gave me. It has been six months since then, and my boyfriend found out about me and his friend through a auto-saved conversation on AIM. A lot of crazy crap happened between my boyfriend and his friend, which is still on-going. This was the worst choice I have ever made in my life. I loved my boyfriend with all my heart and I loathe myself intensely for putting myself in a situation in which I could have hurt him. The point is, no matter what you're going through with your significant other... no matter how terrible and hopeless and hurtful it seems, it's better to keep talking to your significant other about it or just break-up completely. Never ever look to someone else for what's absent in your relationship, because once the problems are resolved, you will feel like the biggest idiot in the world for messing up a really good thing.g

elden elden
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 26, 2010

This EXACT same situation happened to me. College boyfriend, two-and-a-half years, totally in love, but during the summers when we were away from each other, he would barely make an effort to contact me. It just wasn't enough, and I began to resent him for it. I told him a couple times that I wasn't completely happy and that something needed to change, but he hardly changed. It sucked. I cried so much during those summers. Then when school started again, I, like you, checked out of the relationship and focused on other things. I started hanging out with my bf's good friend, who was also my friend. Like you, I was never attracted to him and never had feelings for him, but he was giving me attention and I liked it. He made me feel special when my boyfriend didn't. I slept with his friend drunkenly one night and broke up with my boyfriend a day later. I have never felt so disgusting in my entire life. I couldn't eat or sleep because I hated myself so much. I still do. It was by far the worst thing I have ever done in my entire life. I loved my boyfriend so much, and even though I gave him chances to fix things, I still should have tried harder to make things work. I have never met anyone else who understands me like he did, and I feel like I will never love anyone as much as I loved him. It's almost been a year since everything happened, and I still think of him everyday, but I know, even if the stars aligned and we met again and wanted to be together again, it wouldn't work. I would have to tell him what happened and it would absolutely crush him. <br />
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This got long, but I want you to know that you're not alone. I also feel the same self-loathing and have learned from my mistakes. I will never cheat on anyone ever again. It's just not worth it.

I understand how your ex feels. It's sad that some girls talk to our friends instead of us who really is the issue of the moment.<br />
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Good for you to realize this early on.