Regret Is Knawing Away At My Soul.

This just happened two days ago. I was at a friend's birthday party in a social house and got really drunk. I love dancing and haven't gone clubbing or dancing for almost an entire year. I really let loose, danced with a bunch of guys (including other guests at the party that I had never met) and had a great time. Unfortunately the party moved to the birthday boy's house and that's where the problem started. I'm in a long distance relationship with a loving boyfriend and we've managed to stay together even after 4 years of being mostly apart. However I really miss him, emotionally and physically. We are both very sexual and it's the biggest problem for us, not being able to have sex. I've never been tempted before to cheat or even think about being with someone else just for the sex. That night I was just spilling out all of my deep dark sexual secrets (ie i'm really into bdsm) with people I had never met before, I'm not sure why. I'm usually very conservative but there was too much alcohol flowing through my veins. This one guy (let's call him Ted) was really keen on me: always touching me, groping me and even stuck his hand in my underwear. I was really testing my limits, and I was sure I drew the line at having sex with strangers. Unfortunately it happened, and when it was happening I really wanted to say "No, I don't want to do this. I love my boyfriend and I could never hurt him like this". I'm not sure why I didn't, instead I just kept my mouth shut and felt like crying the entire time. Now four people know and I'm really hoping they keep it to themselves. I don't want to tell my boyfriend, I think it's hurtful for him and i'll probably lose him. I did this and it's my fault, I should be the one to suffer the consequences. A bit about me: I hate HATE regret and guilt. I grew up with it, my mother used it on me all the time. I try to never do anything that i'll want to kill myself over later, but this time I didn't find my voice. Now I'm paranoid that he's going to find out about Ted and I'm really going to want to jump off a bridge later. Anyone have any advice???
pepelondon pepelondon
1 Response May 13, 2012

You will NOT make anything better with this coming out. Best if u enjoyed it learn what to do next if you didn't then don't put urself into that place again. Just realize some men enjoy a girl that is a **** so long as she is HI s ****.. that is a bdsm thing as well