Ruined 13 Years

My bf and I have been together since we were 14. We were each others first and only. We have 4 boys together. We had our first son when we were only 16. Our relationship was a good one. He was good to me. After the birth of our 4th son I was not coping well. Sheen he was born I was told he had a hole in his heart. I had a rough time with this I cried all the time and I withdrew. I didn't think I was getting any support from my bf. He plays a lot of xbox and I felt that he was spending more time nonlinear than he was with me. Eventually I began to confide in a coworker. It was compleatly innocent I never meat for anything to happen but he said nice things and listened. All the while my bf was getting more distant. I decided to not initiate conversation with him just to see what would happen. He didn't talk to me for 2 days. He would get home from work look at me not even come upstairs( we had a bilevel) go play his xbox till 2 am and go to sleep. I got so mad and hurt that even when he did realize what he was doing to me I figured he done blew his chance and I left. He begged me back but I was bitter and stubborn and still talking with thus other guy who had begun to take me places and just hang out. One night while we were together I got a phonecall from the bf that made me angry and I did the most horrible thing ever I slept with the other guy out of spite. It was horrible and I bated myself for it. I confessed my actions to the bf and he cried with me and forgave me and being the self centtered ***** I was I didn't come home. I continued hanging out with the other guy and we did stuff and I slept with him again. I don't know why I did what I did. It kills me to think about how during the three months the bf and I were seperated I did things to hurt him I did things that were so far out of charecterfor me that it was almost as if it wasn't really me. Eventually I came to my senses and realized how much I was hurting my bf and my kids. He let me come home
tornil tornil
26-30, F
Jan 14, 2013