Two Girlfriends, One Giant Mess

This story starts off this past New Year's Eve.

I met this girl, lets say Jenny, at a party. We met eyes and just really hit it off. After that night I hadn't talked to her for a little while. I decided to find her on Facebook and give her a shout. We went on a date, but she said she wasn't ready to date. We became fast friends and talked all the time.

I started seeing this other girl at school in April, lets call her Brianne, and it was getting pretty serious. Summer hit and I came home and started hanging out with Jenny again. I quickly began to like her again, but knew I couldn't do anything because of my relationship with Brianne.

One night after hanging out with Jenny, we hooked up. Now the tricky part comes in that we didn't just hook up, but we ended up dating, all the while I was still seeing Brianne. I ended up being two halves of myself, almost splitting my consciousness in two, and I carried on this charade for as long as my cowardice would allow. Neither of them knew (and yes I know I'm an awful person and neither of them deserve that so if you're itching to say something about that it's not something I haven't already heard, so try saying something new that might be constructive).

Being with Jenny was probably the most fun and the happiest I've ever been. Now I cared for both of these women, but just didn't have the guts to choose the one I really wanted. Jenny found out, and was furious as you might expect. It tore me to shreds and I ended up breaking up with Brianne. The guilt I felt bore down on me like a tonne of bricks.

But I deserve the guilt right? I deserve to feel terrible, and I don't deserve either of these women. As much as I know what I did was wrong, and I'm paying the consequences, I still love Jenny and I want to do what I can to be together with her again. They say that once a cheater always a cheater, but I find that's an awfully cynical and negative way to look at it. If a smoker can quite smoking, and an alcoholic can quite drinking, why can't a man quit cheating. I need to believe that I can change, otherwise what's the point of aiming for a healthy relationship.

I've never really thought about the future, but lately I have, and Jenny is in it, or at least that's what I hope for.

Yours sincerely,

Scott King
calebscottking calebscottking
3 Responses Jul 23, 2010

if you find the real right girl you wont want to cheat. trust me. i hope i can get better too. ive cheated on the people i cheat with. i have about 6 guys strung out at a time. its sad. but i hope to get better one day i mean im young why not have fun

In a perfect world, everyone should be upfront and open and say something like "I date more than one at a time". You can bet that a lot of women do this also! If you are not married, then it's not wrong and you will most likely date a lot of women before finding the one. Don't worry about the one just yet. Just get out there, have fun, use protection, and don't get all guilt ridden.

Honestly, I don't think what you did was that terrible. Until there's a ring on the woman's finger, it's just "dating". Unless you told both women you were with that the relationships were exclusive then it really wasn't cheating, especially since it sounds like you were only seeing the first girl for just a few months. Also, one way you can tell a "chronic" cheater is if he/she enjoys the adrenaline rush of seeing someone else on the sly, but it sounds like you didn't enjoy that at all. <br />
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Finally, the most important thing is to be true to yourself. In other words, you have to know what you want out of a relationship before you can commit to anyone. I learned the hard way, like you did, too, so I can relate. But after being in a situation similar to yours for a while, I realized that I was still learning about what I wanted out of a man. Once I understood this, it was easier to just "date" with no desire to commit until I met the RIGHT person. <br />
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Best of luck to you and your future relationship(s)!!