Two Girlfriends, One Giant MessThis story starts off this past New Year's Eve.
I met this girl, lets say Jenny, at a party. We met eyes and just really hit it off. After that night I hadn't talked to her for a little while. I decided to find her on Facebook and give her a shout. We went on a date, but she said she wasn't ready to date. We became fast friends and talked all the time.
I started seeing this other girl at school in April, lets call her Brianne, and it was getting pretty serious. Summer hit and I came home and started hanging out with Jenny again. I quickly began to like her again, but knew I couldn't do anything because of my relationship with Brianne.
One night after hanging out with Jenny, we hooked up. Now the tricky part comes in that we didn't just hook up, but we ended up dating, all the while I was still seeing Brianne. I ended up being two halves of myself, almost splitting my consciousness in two, and I carried on this charade for as long as my cowardice would allow. Neither of them knew (and yes I know I'm an awful person and neither of them deserve that so if you're itching to say something about that it's not something I haven't already heard, so try saying something new that might be constructive).
Being with Jenny was probably the most fun and the happiest I've ever been. Now I cared for both of these women, but just didn't have the guts to choose the one I really wanted. Jenny found out, and was furious as you might expect. It tore me to shreds and I ended up breaking up with Brianne. The guilt I felt bore down on me like a tonne of bricks.
But I deserve the guilt right? I deserve to feel terrible, and I don't deserve either of these women. As much as I know what I did was wrong, and I'm paying the consequences, I still love Jenny and I want to do what I can to be together with her again. They say that once a cheater always a cheater, but I find that's an awfully cynical and negative way to look at it. If a smoker can quite smoking, and an alcoholic can quite drinking, why can't a man quit cheating. I need to believe that I can change, otherwise what's the point of aiming for a healthy relationship.
I've never really thought about the future, but lately I have, and Jenny is in it, or at least that's what I hope for.