I Can't Believe This Happened

i've been dating a this girl for a long time now, and i really love her, which would often scare me into thinking, what if this is the last girl i'll ever sleep with? so i always told myself, if there was ever a fool proof opportunity that i could sleep with another woman and she'd never find out, i might as well do it. before and during our relationship i've always had a little addiction to meeting girls online. never in person, but somthing about talking to new random people attracted me. before i knew it i was having skype sex with random women all over the country. one day i met a woman who i found out lived not too far from me. we started videochatting and it became clear we were both physically attracted to eachother. next thing i know, i'm driving to her house one day. she meets me at the door and we both have this strange feeling, like, **** i just met someone on the internet, the one thing parents always tell us to avoid doing. so we started flirting (which is pretty awkward knowing you met this stranger online) and decide to get right to what we met up for. she made it clear that she doesnt like one night stands with strangers, so we limited ourselves to oral sex. i went down on her and after she started giving me head, which she seemed to be a pro at. prior to this, girls have only sucked my **** halfway, this girl put the whole thing down her throat, which really blew me away. i came and she swallowed and thats when the guilt slowly started to set in. it wasnt even specific, i had yet to consider my girlfriends feelings, it was just a general feeling of wrongness. we hung out for a little while, i left and it was like it had never happened. i told no one. she told no one. as the guilt started to subside later that night i realized one thing that brought it back full swing. what if i caught my girlfriend cheating on me? i would kick the living **** out of that guy. and i know she would never do that to me. as soon as i thought of this, a gut wrenching feeling of guilt came over me. i ****** up. and theres nothing i can do at this point. ive been told a guy can think with his **** and his heart. my heart tells me to put it behind me, forget it, and never do it again. i could never break my girlfriends heart so i would have to live with it and get over it. my **** wants to do it again. knowing i went and did that without anyone finding out, only makes me want to go do it again. so what now? i bought a ticket for an emotional rollercoaster. i got strapped in and realized i didnt wanna ride it. im gonna keep feeling like **** until the ride finally ends
animal52 animal52
18-21, M
1 Response Jul 28, 2010

I went through the same thing. Accept.. My gf is my world. End it with miss *****. I know its fun to mouth **** the **** out of her and such but.. It can only end with a money shot of pain