I Made a Mistake

I cheated on a girl Ive been with for a little over a year now. I had cheated on her once before and had thought it best if she just didn't find out, and she never did. I cheated again on new years, the second and last time. I was at a party and got completely trashed, and this girl who went with my group and I hooked up. I was so trashed I did not really think about who was watching and if it would get back to my girlfriend. I told people I was on a break with my current girlfriend, which i was... she just wasn't aware of what break meant to me. That night I called my girlfriend to tell her we needed to break up. I told her I would much rather not hurt her by cheating on, and that I thought it was best if we broke up. It completely crushed her, not to mention the fact I did this on New years. I feel like a coward and a liar ( two things I know i am ). She never deserved what I did even though i had asked to be on a break. And now past all of that... when i go back to school I am apparently going to get the beat down of my life. I'm not afraid of being hurt, its just a sad thought so many people don't like me, i feel like i am alone. I told my girl friend what happened and she just cried. It broke my heart, but I think I did what was right by breaking up with her. I have no idea what my next steps should be. The girl I cheated with and I are probably going to date, but I think that will just make my life worse. I don't know what to do... 

baseball34 baseball34
18-21, M
1 Response Jan 2, 2008

I totally feel you man, I did exactly the same with my ex-girlfriend. And yes you are being a coward and a liar and its hard I know to not be as I was to. I understand you were trashed but you need to have iron solid principles about your relationships like not cheating and not lying. If you follow an honest set of principles you wont need to be a coward and a liar in the future. A solution for now - well what I did was to cease entirely communication with my ex-girlfriend and stop seeing the girl I cheated on her with. I made a clean break and I had low time for a couple of months where despite having no more troubles with it anymore I was plagued with constant guilt/shame and a sense of unworthiness. I think that this will also bug you to. You just have to deal with it. You could decide to also be more choosy in your women, or find the one you love even so that you dont feel tempted to cheat on one that perhaps you dont care about so much and I think you'll start to feel better and more centred.