Changed My Life

Okay, now before you think I'm some cold-hearted *****, here's some background information...
I was with my girlfriend for five years, but only one of those years was happy. She had some issues that she refused to address and instead seemed to take comfort in using me as her crutch. Our relationship became less of a romantic one, and more of what I used to describe it as "more than friends, but less than girlfriends." We never did things that the usual couple does- hold hands, kiss (not once), have sex. I was starved for actual love, and this intense need for some type of physical human touch sent me into a deep depression and I began to see myself as the problem. It led me to cut again, hit myself, starve myself and puke my guts out.

About a year after I began the purging, I decided to do something useful for my life and went back to school. Within the first week, I met a boy who I ran into a few times and got up the nerve to approach. We hung out a lot, neither of us having many friends on campus, and by the second week, he was all mine. I DID feel guilty, don't get me wrong. I still had a girlfriend back home (sort of), but the term "cheating" didn't really occur to me until I texted a friend who got upset with me and told me what I was doing. I knew that I had to do the right thing and break up with her, but couldn't get up the nerve.

Three months passed before the relationship was officially declared over. I crawled in bed next to my man and cried/laughed on his shoulder in a mix of emotion, feeling loss and victory at once. He's given me everything I wanted in a relationship, but could never have with her strange ways. I got my diploma, and we both left school together. Now we're living together, have gotten married, have a child on the way and are looking into renting a house.

I used to keep up with my ex on Facebook, and the last I saw, she'd found a new girl online not long after the breakup, which is good for her. Someone she doesn't have to touch seems more suited for her needs.

I'm not saying that cheating is good. I should've just told her that I'd found someone else when I fell in love, but I was afraid that she might do something to herself. I was in a relationship that just wasn't going to work. Ever. I found an opportunity for happiness and took it.
warclaw warclaw
26-30, F
1 Response Nov 28, 2010

Good for you. You cannot live your life for someone with whom you can't have a real loving relationship. Glad to hear that you now have that in your life. And I hope for her sake she will find happiness too.