I Cheated On My Girlfriend At The Begining Of Our Relationship.

i have been with my girlfriend for about 1 year and 2 months. When i first met her i liked her she was funny, kind and everything else but i still felt something missing i never knew what it was i didnt have feelings for her.
3 months in to meeting her iwas at a party and like some kind of joke i kissed another girl twice. i woke up the next morning and knew it was wrong although was able to forget about as our relationship was in the early stages. our relationship continued to grow i fell in love with her and with every day that passed i love her more i knew i never wanted to be with any one else in my life i wanted this girl to be the mother of my children the thought of being without her made me sick to the stomach.
the months went by and we had our year aniversary in april this year things were great better than ever.
one week i had been to a party and people their had been taking cocaine and iused to take it now and again but realy cut down touching the stuff as my GF didnt like it understandably!
my GF found out people at the party were having it and i knew at that point shed think i had. she then asked me if i had any and i told her no i sorted it out for the lads theire as they went in to town and i went home. this was a lie and the truth was i sorted it out for the hours before i left.
i told her this was a lie an hour later.
we argued and i told her i never wanted to lie to her again and that i was so sorry.
the following morning we had a show to gether and jokefully she said to me "you have lost of secrets you sneky boy" i lughed and knew i did not....
just as she said this i remebered that party that horrible mistake 1 year ago and i felt physicaly sick i could not stop thinking about something that hadnt eneterd my mind in a year !
i then started thinking about us and how much we loved eachother and if we were realy going to go the long haul as i wanted i would have to be honest regardless of the consiquences that night at her home i plucked up the courage to tell her i hated my self but also knew that wasnt the me she knew so well.

i love this girl more than anything and will never give up trying to win her back.

but she is adiment we are over and this is killing me.

she has accepted to try and be friends and will see me one day this week for a few hours and then a weeek later on her up and coming birthday.
i obviousley, one day want us to be back together no matter how long it takes.

i cant loose this girl and i dont think she sees why i told her something that could ruin us and how hard that was.
she believes she could never forget about it and i dont think she sees that the majority and best parts of our relationship happened after i made that horrible mistake.

sorry for the long winded post but i needed adivce :(
reecehanlon reecehanlon
18-21
3 Responses May 13, 2011

I am going through the same thing with my girlfriend. On thursday I was harmlessly texting a guy i am friends with, but instantly i felt panic overcome me because I knew I lied a little over a year to her about sexting this same person at the beginning of our relationship. I broke down and told her the truth about everything but she thinks I would've done it again and that I only told her because she caught me. I say I feel for you because I want to spend the rest of my life with her, that mistake was made long before I knew how much I would grow to love her. The decision to not tell her from the beginning is my worst regret. We are still together, but this distance and mistrust I've created is eating away at me. Time heals all wounds, but I don't know how to emotionally survive ev4eryday. I have discovered social networking is a huge stress increaser in my life so now to create more trust I've deleted my facebook and instagram in order to combine my girlfriends facebook into "ours" to create more trust. You have to fight for love. I will be honest and say after trust is broken not many couples survive...thats my biggest fear.

Your right and i have, i was never realy a big user/fan any way. and the thing is i dont want to move on and wont :(

You should leave the cocaine alone hands down..she deserves a man that isn't gambleing his life in more ways than one. Also, I think you did the right thing by telling her..and maybe with some time and space she will accept it and move on to. It was wrong what you did..but I think you took the first steps of making it right by being honest. Kudos.