So Well, I Cheated...

Like most stories of this type, there's no explanation of why it happened.

After a tragedy love story, it took me years to recover. I met the person who would be my girlfriend almost after two and a half years of being lonely. In all honesty, I started dating her just because I didn't wanted to be alone anymore.

The first months of my relationship with this girl weren't really good. It wouldn't even call it a relationship. A normal date with her would consist on picking her up at her house, go to the place she wanted to go, pay for everything, sometimes even take her friends to their houses, and finally get her back home. Most of the time, not even a "thank you" would happen.

She was selfish, even sexually. Really selfish. Six months in the relationship, we had our first fight: "I feel like you don't care", but these words came from her. I couldn't believe it.

After this point, I realized, or so I thought, that we were together just for the pure pleasure of partying, getting drunk and having sex. And in the beginning, I was ok with it. I "agreed" to do everything, pay everything, etc.

Time went on, and my personal situation got really bad. Problems at my house, with my friends, college. I was a mess. I no longer wanted my "party girlfriend", I wanted a real girlfriend, some one who would listen to me, respect me, and made me feel loved. But none of it happened. Reciprocity never happened.

Not everything was bad, we shared really great moments. But after a while I just wanted to end the relationship and I didn't knew how. More and more things happened, she would lose control whenever she was drunk and sometimes do terrible things afterwards.
The second fight came over just after our first year: "I feel like you don't care", again, from her.

I was really confused. Wasn't I doing enough? After all, she was telling me these things for something, but I just couldn't understand. What was I doing wrong? I stopped seeing my friends, sometimes even my family. My whole life and even personal economy revolved around her and it still wasn't enough.

Everything changed when one day I recieved a call from an old friend. She's older than me, and married. When I agreed to see her, I never thought of doing anything. We met at a pub, started talking, and I was shocked at how much she was interested in me, in a good way. It was really special, my whole being really wanted to kiss her, and I did.

I started dating her, secretly. I don't know if I would call that an affair or something, but whatever it was it really made me feel amazing. I was really happy. Some people agree that cheating doesn't count if there's no sex involved, others don't. Even if it didn't happened, the fact that there were feelings involved made everything strange. I was really confused and didn't know what to do, and I knew it wouldn't last forever.

One day, my girlfriend found out. Maybe she was suspicious or something, but she checked my cellphone and found her messages. I told her everything: how I was feeling; why I think it happened, what I thought was wrong. And in the beginning, I even thought she wouldn't mind. Of course, I was wrong. She bursted in tears.

Maybe this was necessary, I don't know; things got better for a while, but afterwards they got even worse. We kept dating, until she finally broke up with me.

I tried to get her back, and actually succeded. Those last months were some of the most happy I've ever had. But things are not like in the movies. After 6 months of "non-formal" dating, she decided it was time to finally end everything, she couldn't forgive what happened.
Dudelio Dudelio
22-25, M
6 Responses Jun 21, 2012

This happened 3 years ago, and some months ago I was told she was cheating on me, too, even before all this happened. She cheated on me with two different guys, one of them was a work partner (she and I used to work in the same place).We both cheated. The difference is that she knew what I was doing, and I didn't knew what she was doing it.

When I caught her (she left her Facebook open), she was denying all of it when we talked through the phone, so I sent her a copy of all of her conversations; all she could do was cry, she realized she was a hypocrite all along. She can't even talk to me now or look at my face, she's so embarrased.

Sounds like two people using each other as crutches. Better to move on and live a true fulfilling life.

This is pitiful, I just saw your own responses. I miss her, I feel terrible, I don't regret it at all. You're going to be one of those teeter totter people that floats through life with nothing special. God bless you karma. Judgement given.

Are you that Nacrissistic? You started this relationship saying you didn't care. You just didn't like being alone, and partying and having sex was fun. Obviously, she was going to pick up on that, and she was persistent in saying she felt like you didn't care. Doting on her is considered CHIVALRY which you CHOSE TO DO.

She wasn't taking advantage of you, you could have talked to her about it. Here you are, cruising along, thinking ehh.. this looks good. Nah, wait... yeah I think so. I'll do this for a while. I mean, who cares, makes me feel good right? You dehumanized her. You didn't want love, because you didn't want something that requires work.

Love requires work. And I'm so disgusted you would intrude upon another man's family. She was married, back off. The part that really gets me is you're so blazee about all of this. You're one of those insecure weak people who latch onto other people like a parasite. I never understood why anyone would treat another human being like that. You're the problem.

Like I said to someone else in my story, the whole point of The Experience Proyect is to share experiences. There's a disclaimer in this reply box, that I urge you to read, which invites you to act with respect.

It's not my intention to share more than two years of relationship. Short story: yes, she was taking advantage of me. I was her personal driver (of her and her friends), someone who payed for all of her parties, I went to every family commitment, and so on. She was my life in every aspect for more than two years, so "work" is something out of topic.
Yet, she didn't even had the respect of something as basic like remembering my birthday, showing the smallest reply of gratitude upon any of my actions and so forth.

That doesn't mean I didn't loved her or that she didn't loved me. As a couple, it just didn't worked.

On the other hand, the married woman and her "man": In order for it to happen requires two persons, so it's not all my fault. It was hers, mine and now that I think about it, maybe her husband.

We live, we learn, we make mistakes and learn a little more, and then we keep living and do it all over again.

I know from experience that when you cheat, your actions effect EVERYONE involved, not just you and your gf. It takes time for the wounds to heal...I am still wondering myself if they will ever heal. I wrote about my experience just today.

I totally understand why you did what you did. Any self-loving person would have done the same. Of course HOW you did it is questionable, but you were trying to better your situation.

It seems like you've had quite a stormy period in your love life. Quite an experience. if you could go back in time, would you prevent it from happening? I think not.

I experienced something similar with one of my past girlfriends. One day I confessed being attracted to some other girl. I didn't do anything. I was only attracted... But I felt bad enough to tell her about it. She burst into tears (mayb because she came from a religious family), very much like your girl, and never really trusted me since then. Eventually we broke up, not because of this exactly, but we were just not right for each other.
Still, I was heartbroken for a long time since I really loved this girl.

I think what happened with your girlfriend is quite similar - there was not real "cheating" but still, it tipped the relationship over the edge. If you were more right for each other, this would not have happened.

Still, looking back now (after being married to another girl for 10 years) I don't regret it. That old relationship has taught me many things about myself.

If I could back in time, I wouldn't prevent myself from doing it. I know I miss my ex with all my heart, yet...