The Quick Satisfaction Was Not Worth The Pain
when i was in college i had my eye on a girl, who i eventually started to date. we were incredible together in my final two years of college. we could not keep our hands off each other and it was the greatest two years of my life. there are a lot of other details about our time together, but alas, this is a topic of infidelity. when we graduated, we moved back to our respective homes, which were only an hour and a half away. we maintained a relationship...but the move separated us from what we knew, and we began to grow apart. she also had a, for lack of a better word, recurring baggage in her hometown. she never wanted to leave the life we had in our college town. i didn't know what other choice i had, as i was unemployed, trying to find a decent job. when we were apart for most of 2009, we tried so hard to get back the love and happiness we made, but it just was not there. i moved down to be close to her, she was unemployed trying to find a job as well. it seemed like the kiss of death was looming given the hardships we had to overcome. i guess you can say we fell victim to stagnation and arguments. i actually got a job in our old college town, hoping it would bring us back to what we wanted. it seemed like she began to grow further and further apart from me. she was ready for the next phase of her life after college, but i was still a kid to some extent, and could not make the transition. when i got settled back into our old hometown...i got drunk one night and slept with someone. it goes without saying, the next day was the worst day of my life. i have never been a cheater, i never did anything unfaithful to anyone before...and i just did it to the girl i was in love with. like a coward, i broke up with her...without admitting what i did. after that ordeal, i tried my hardest to get her back, but i could see that she flat out did not trust me. rightfully so, i did do a terrible thing. we have spoken a lot since then, but she was reluctant to take me back. it just was not the same. she and i both said to each other we were still in love with one another, but i think the trust between us was breached for eternity. she is engaged to be married, i am dating someone else...we are both attempting to move on. i know we still both have strong feelings for each other based on what we said...but it won't ever be the same. i struggle with this everyday. i hate myself for betraying her and she is always on my mind. i never thought i would have to face this, but i do. its a harsh reality. i just hope someone reads this and understands, because i need help. she says to me she will be in love with me forever, and i feel the same way, but it just won't happen. it sucks. thats what it does, it ******* sucks.