Cheated On My Girlfriend

I cheated on my girlfriend and now the past has caught up with me. I have been with my girl for 2yrs and she the most loving caring person you could ever meet. My back ground is i'm 37 she's 25, we both live in England but i hope to live in Australia, i have spent alot of years in oz and came back 3 yrs ago to sort out the process of moving to oz, anyway i had been single for 5yrs be the typical player and living in Sydney there are know shortage of open minded females. On my return to England i met Angela in a local bar were she worked and we started dated, she new i was bit of a ladies man but me being the charmer i re-asurred her that i was on the straight and narrow.

a year had passed and on couple occassions she found sms on my mobile from girls which were friends and nothing was suggestive in the txt's but it rocked the trust , anyway she left me soon after because she couldn't deal with me moving to Australia so thought no point in the relationship. This really pulled on my heart strings and i realized how much i loved her so i said to her move in and come to Australia, i had never lived with a girl up until now so i was very nervous about it plus being on my own for so long i had became quite selfish. Once she moved in i loved it she made it so esy for me, she really changed me, taught me how to except love and how to give love, so for the first time in my life i realized i was content with this person and couldn't be happier.

Then it all changed, i left my hotmail open one night and she looked in it and my world fell apart, there was emails to one girl in Canada who i slept with when i went over there back in 2006 plus pictures we had exchanged, also there was other pics girls had sent me and i kept them aswell.

I could not believe this happened because i kept telling myself to delete everything because there was no need to keep it anymore, too late i really hurt this girl she moved out straight away and does not want anything to do with me, she is so Angry which i don't blame her!! i feel sick to the stomach what i have done all i want is her back in my life, shes amazing girl one in a million. her friends and family hate me too, i just don't know what to do, i have arranged to see a counsellor to see if i can make light of why i did what i did.......
oncefluidman oncefluidman
36-40, M
25 Responses May 14, 2007

After being in relationship with Benson for five years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the Madurai, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before two days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful Dr Madurai who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the Dr Madurai, his email maduraitemple@ yahoo.com) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.

Guys, i cheated on my then girlfriend 2.5 years into our relationship do to my insecurities and commitment issues i shared a very intimate moment (a make out session, including touch and a little more, could have led to sex, but i didn't go forward with it) with another woman, the guilt killed me and i fessed up, she dumped me on the spot... I tried to get her back then and failed, i tried to prove to her that chick was meaningless, but i had broken the trust we shared... As time passed she met someone else....A brosky who worked at a gas station who was a few years more experianced than me, the dude tried to take advantage of her pain and tried to take things far with her, she was on the rebound and was VERY vulnerable, he tried to share the same intimacy i shared with her, the same experiances....... she couldn't go far with him, she tried to do this to forget me and but she couldnt go through with it, she stopped the dude on his tracks and left him blue balled. I tried to move on and by dating randon hoodrats and failed... I maybe could have interfered and stopped her from even talking to this guy, but i realized this was all my fault and that i caused her to seek a different bond with someone ele to erase the pain i caused.. but i didnt, she deserved to look for happiness elsewhere since i didnt take advantage of the love we shared and "effed" up her trust.I decided that If her attempt to find a connection with this guy failed it wasnt gonna be because of my direct interference; she deserved the chance to move on............It failed. This all happened 9 years ago almost 10, obviously that beautiful chick isnt my girlfriend anymore......................she is my wife, and i have been faithful to her for 9 years... almost 10.

The love of my life cheated on me...had feelings for someone else actually. I felt like I lost a level of importance in his life and also that I had lost myself. I will never recover from that. My life will always be a little worse because of it. He is devastated that he hurt me and wants me back but those who cheat and lie to the ones they love do not fully realize how much pain they have inflicted to their partner. There is nothing more painful. Not even the death of someone you love compares. As much as we believe that we were meant for each other and as much as I desperately want to be laying in bed on my side looking into his eyes then his mouth and to see his eyes do the same...to smile at each other and then move closer to each other until we're both breathing the same air as we fall asleep.... I am not able to trust him again. You have to trust the person you're sleeping next to. Truth and honesty are the foundation of all meaningful relationships. When they are destroyed the relationship will never recover. Recovery after an affair is all about perspective though. Many people live their whole lives never experiencing truly profound love...so, in a way, I guess I am lucky. The only thing I know is true between us is that we both love each other very much. We don't communicate bc it is too hard for both of us emotionally and I decided it would be easier to move on this way. We will always carry each other in our hearts but, sadly, sometimes love is not enough.

i also recently left my wife of 6 years for another woman. This woman showed a great interest in me and made me feel important. my wife was always more consumed with friends and facebook. throughout our 5 month relationship my wife and i grew closer and still slept together. yesterday she called my girlfriend and told her everything. they were both at my house when i got here and the look on both of their faces literally crushed any ounce of humanity I had left. My wife still wants me but the girlfriend wants nothing to do with me understandably. I am so lost right now and literally want to break down and cry before ending my miserable life. How could i hurt the only two people I have ever cared about.

Dude I m in the same situation right now, my wide just called my gf and now the gf wants nothing to do with me, my wife trying to sympathize her way back in... I just want the gf back...

I have done the same. I was with her 4yrs we had Soo much love it was unreal. I miss her terribly. I feel that we were meant for each other. She was the one person that everyone talks about. Soul mate. Through all 4 yrs we were happy. Our friends would always wonder how we got along so well and never fought about anything. It's been 33 days since she left me. She was beautiful inside and out. She would do anything for me but I didn't take advantage of that and I would do the same. I messed it up bad. I had commitment issues.. I had broke up with her once before because of this. Because I have only been in 2 serious relationships. So I was in certain about it all. And the first one I was with her 4 yrs and she cheated on me with my best friend. I guess this couldve had something to do with it. I feel horrible. She saw it on my Facebook. I was talking to another and I said some things that I really did not mean but I did. She saw all this and it hurt her so much. The guilt is killing me. I wish there was something I could do. I wish we could work things out. I can't believe I have done this... This isn't who I am. I begged for her to forgive me.. She says she couldn't trust me again and she needs space. So I told her I loved her and to text me when she is able to. It's been 2 weeks with no contact. It is very painful. Physically mentally and emotionally. She seems to be happy when I see her comments on mutual friends posts. I deleted her from my Facebook so I wouldn't be tempted but I still see her that way. I wish she could see how much this hurts me too and we could try to work through this.. But she is stubborn and needs time I guess. The only choice I have is to wait it out and try to keep my self from hurting but it is very hard and im really suffering. The pain is relentless. If it doesn't start to subside soon I may need to see someone. I have been fighting thoughts of suicide. I'm just trying really hard to make it through this...

I have done the same. I was with her 4yrs we had Soo much love it was unreal. I miss her terribly. I feel that we were meant for each other. She was the one person that everyone talks about. Soul mate. Through all 4 yrs we were happy. Our friends would always wonder how we got along so well and never fought about anything. It's been 33 days since she left me. She was beautiful inside and out. She would do anything for me but I didn't take advantage of that and I would do the same. I messed it up bad. I had commitment issues.. I had broke up with her once before because of this. Because I have only been in 2 serious relationships. So I was in certain about it all. And the first one I was with her 4 yrs and she cheated on me with my best friend. I guess this couldve had something to do with it. I feel horrible. She saw it on my Facebook. I was talking to another and I said some things that I really did not mean but I did. She saw all this and it hurt her so much. The guilt is killing me. I wish there was something I could do. I wish we could work things out. I can't believe I have done this... This isn't who I am. I begged for her to forgive me.. She says she couldn't trust me again and she needs space. So I told her I loved her and to text me when she is able to. It's been 2 weeks with no contact. It is very painful. Physically mentally and emotionally. She seems to be happy when I see her comments on mutual friends posts. I deleted her from my Facebook so I wouldn't be tempted but I still see her that way. I wish she could see how much this hurts me too and we could try to work through this.. But she is stubborn and needs time I guess. The only choice I have is to wait it out and try to keep my self from hurting but it is very hard and im really suffering. The pain is relentless. If it doesn't start to subside soon I may need to see someone. I have been fighting thoughts of suicide. I'm just trying really hard to make it through this...

I have done the same. I was with her 4yrs we had Soo much love it was unreal. I miss her terribly. I feel that we were meant for each other. She was the one person that everyone talks about. Soul mate. Through all 4 yrs we were happy. Our friends would always wonder how we got along so well and never fought about anything. It's been 33 days since she left me. She was beautiful inside and out. She would do anything for me but I didn't take advantage of that and I would do the same. I messed it up bad. I had commitment issues.. I had broke up with her once before because of this. Because I have only been in 2 serious relationships. So I was in certain about it all. And the first one I was with her 4 yrs and she cheated on me with my best friend. I guess this couldve had something to do with it. I feel horrible. She saw it on my Facebook. I was talking to another and I said some things that I really did not mean but I did. She saw all this and it hurt her so much. The guilt is killing me. I wish there was something I could do. I wish we could work things out. I can't believe I have done this... This isn't who I am. I begged for her to forgive me.. She says she couldn't trust me again and she needs space. So I told her I loved her and to text me when she is able to. It's been 2 weeks with no contact. It is very painful. Physically mentally and emotionally. She seems to be happy when I see her comments on mutual friends posts. I deleted her from my Facebook so I wouldn't be tempted but I still see her that way. I wish she could see how much this hurts me too and we could try to work through this.. But she is stubborn and needs time I guess. The only choice I have is to wait it out and try to keep my self from hurting but it is very hard and im really suffering. The pain is relentless. If it doesn't start to subside soon I may need to see someone. I have been fighting thoughts of suicide. I'm just trying really hard to make it through this...

i feel the same. unhappy, crying and i want to bury my self somewhere dark and silent and never wake up again. i don`t want to die because i have a daughter and a family<br />
i been dating this girl for 6 months, i can`t tell it was a great experience at all, she was insecure, scared. low self-esteem ( due to past experience) she called me names. really mean names, she makes fun of me all the time, i am attractive and smart. there was moments when i was so happy and just feels great. most of the problems comes from facebook, it felt unjust she had 800 friends and most of them were men( some of them sent her email`s pic of their dicks.. etc) she never said i have a boyfriend, stop bothering me. one of her best male friends sent her a video of him self ******* off( i hacked her computer and i found it which wasn`t nice i know.) i just felt sick,, unwanted and useless most of the time, i found my condolence talking to other women who found me charming, Hot and smart and they wanted me. Lately ( two weeks) i was on this dating website and i found this girl, 2 days after talking we meet and boom, it was just amazing, she was gorgeous, loving , caring, i kissed her 5 minutes after she walked in and it felt delicious and amazing. it felt like i know her for a long time, we got along very well, we talk for the whole night( at that whole time i wasn`t talking to my gf we were taking a break ..with the new girl i even had Greatest sex of my life, my girlfriend kept telling me my penis is small and she fakes sex with me all the time. i know i sound idiot to be with such a person but i thought maybe she is just scared and insecure and i thought i may help her change,, but u can`t help someone to change if they not willing to do so. Today my gf ( the mean one) was here at my apt the whole weekend,, the other girl come over without telling me and that`s when the drama started, thank`s god nothing escalated to the point where they had to fight, my gf just sprayed bleach on all my clothes, i lost over 10 jeans and over 20 shirts and one of my very favorite blazer jackets ( paid $259) for it,, sucks,, she toke two shirts and a tie she got me for my birthday, even the toilet paper and shampoo she bought for me. she left and i just went to the park with the other sweet heart, we smoked the whole pack of cigarets over coffee and we talked, we both cried and hugged each other . it was painful and hurtful but i enjoyed it, we went back home and we had a sex session and i have had a spiritual ****** if that makes any sense but she said she can`t take it, she saw me as a soooo good to be true guy, like a dream and she lost trust me and she want to stay away but asked if we can remain friends. i am not proud of my self nor of what i did, i hate my self, i cried all day and i still want to do. i just wish the best for the girl and i wish she can go thru her insecurity and find peace inside her, i want to become a better person and not cheat again, cheating is a deal killer,, its terrible and its the worst thing you can do to someone, i pray to God this pass without any further problems and they i can find my self and forgive my self so i can move on, i decided to give some time to the new girl, as for the old one i don`t think getting back together will solve anything but make it worse, so i don`t really want her. i understand each experience of everyone of you and you guys have my whole sympathy and understanding, talking this and venting is the first stop toward healing . i wish best of luck to all of you

My heart is heavy, my eyes are watery, and whenever I close them I see the girl i cheated on busrt into tears right before me. I'm so glad I'm not the only one. The guilt is killing me, i truly understand how tsamba would stray to suicide as relief. My story is pretty much the same as all of you, a beautiful and perfect girl and I just ****** it up by cheating. My question is when does this guilt fade? When will my heart feel light, and when will I stop feeling so godammed depressed all the time. I've done a terrible thing and Ima stupid ******* for it, I just want to know when I can stop feeling so terrible and when she might start talking to me again.

I too recently had same situation happen to me I cheated on my gf of 3 years. with my ex and my ex told her. i'm a mess right now I really don't want to write too much about it but I'm dying because I will never have the most perfect girl in the world again. She what my college sweetheart and I hurt her so bad. I hurt myself and my family they loved her so much. I'm not sure what drove me to do it either. I really don't know what to do. I want to give her space but I feel like she's gonna fall in love with someone else if I give her too much space. I don't know what to do what to say. I feel like **** because I know we won't be around eachother to work on it. This is the worst possible timing for it. Im leaving for Europe in a month and she'll be in med school. I'd do anything to get back with her I'll forgo my soccer career anything. I feel like a hopeless ****. Anyone have any advice. There is something about me I'm not sure what it is i feel like I'm a good person but yet I've done this terrible thing.

Hello,<br />
<br />
Well its almost comforting to know that so many other people make mistakes because I cheated too, on someone so perfect and so beautiful, i did the worst thing u could ever do, she was my best friend and ive been out for 9 years now but it was not only ehr first relationship but with a girl too, i gave her everything then took it away by sleeping with my ex off and on throughtout our whole month relationship, what possessed me i still cant answer, my ex loved me so much and did literally everythign to get me back, the most romantic acts ever.....<br />
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i lost both when my ex was so angry she couldnt have me that she told my current gf everything, the **** hit the fan and im glad it did just because the truth was out and i couldnt have lievd like thta, i genuinally felt i loved 2 girls not that that is an excuse, a day after the revelations, i hung myself. i still cant believe it, i felt so guilty i thought death was the only suitable situation, how low can you go hanging by your neck from a bridge, waiting to die, having the air sucked out fo your lungs, feeling utter remorse,e xcept somehow a miracle happened, out of nowehere a truck drove under me and a guy jumped on the truck and took my weight, he literally saved my life<br />
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he saved it for a reaosn i must elarn from this and never do it again ive lost everything my reputation two girls i loved nad do u know the crazy thing the beautiful girl said to a friend that she loevs me so much if i went back and begged for forgiveness she would take me back she truly loved me, she said i was her one true love<br />
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god im gutted i have empathy to all you guys out there who cheated and more so to the people cheated on, i felt so bad i made a evrys erious suicide attempt and it would have worked cos i was going unconscious as i got rescued but i wasnt meant to die and i have to face up to this and NEVER DO IT AGAIN<br />
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Im so so sorry to the girl i hurt so much

2005 I was walking down brixton road london, I saw this tall blonde girl, who seemed to me to have a great figure and was attractive, i spoke to her charmed her walked her to the tube and got her number. from that moment we were never apart, this girl was an amazing caring loving person ( like most women) and i remember thinking right I'm 26 its now time for me to settle down and have a real partner, plus the fact that everyone around me was saying the same thing. everything was great we got on we laughed joked spent all of our time together went for walks etc.... but one major thing wasnt working, matters of the bedroom. Now im not gonna go into the specifics of what was fundamentally wrong as it it will be undignified for me to do so, but there were major problems plural. at first i thought oh its nothing we can get through this and theres more to it than that. i was telling myself this for almost three years, at which point the problems began to spike, so much so i became increasingly frustrated more resentful, unhappy, unsatisfied and alone we talked about it but it was hard for her to face these problems so many times we swept it under the carpet. at the peak of these emotions along comes this Australian girl, who practically swept me off my feet. everything about her was amazing the sex the personality everything. it lasted about three months before my partner found out and you cannot believe the sheer pain that was on her face. it made me feel sick i tried to tell her how and why this happened, which made the situation worse. she said she would have preferred it if it had just been sex, but for the fact that i started to fall for this Aussie girl was even more hurtful. the Aussie girl didnt know either so when she found out she jumped ship pretty quick. me and the missus tried to stay together after that, but the relationship was forever on a knife edge, she would be checking my activities online and so forth and i still would be my usual playful flirty self thinking everything was okay at home and we working on things. One day i get a call from an old school friend, we had a good catch up then she told me that her and her boyfriend were having a baby, i gave my congrats and when my partner got home I told her this. she looked me in the eye and said "where are we going"? i said what do you mean?<br />
she said after everything that has happened, are we holding on to a pipe dream? are we gonna get married are we gonna have kids? and to be honest i still dont trust you coz you really hurt me and knocked my confidence. we talked right into the early hours of the morning and came to the conclusion that it would be best to call it a day, before we had another relationship car crash. it was hard and painful especially coz we both knew of the problems that led me down this path and chose to ignore it, we had even gone to a therapist but to no avail, this is where we were and it was gonna be final. of course i helped her get into her new flat contributed to the deposit and all that, but man I miss her so much it is killing me even though we both knew it was for the best and that we still are friends coz there is so much love, the reality is shes gone and it hurts. I found her valentine card she bought for me this year and burst out crying. I suppose the reason why Im sharing this is to say that there were reasons for my cheating not excuses and had I been truly content I would never have done it in the first place. I love her and miss her and i pray that I can get through this, i pray that she will find someone who can overlook the problems coz I wasnt able to. find that person that makes you satisfies you and makes you whole and there will be no need to seek elswhere.

I have the same problem wright now. I am with my gf for more than a 4 years really strong relationship, but how ever.. I had cheated on here several times in beginning of relationship, but she did it too.. actually after 2 years of being together I caught her when she was cheating on me in the club with one guy, which, of course, I knocked out in the same moment.. after that I brake up with her for 3 months, of course we were meeting for at least 1 time a week... after a while I forgive to her.. now it have been more than two years since that happened..<br />
and now its my turn... there was some times when I was hanging out with some other girls.. even in the same party where we went together with my gf, but I was doing nothing, max just flirting and talking.. also there was lot of times when I went to the clubs without her and after that some people (we have lot of common friends) was telling on me, that they saw me with other girls.. of course, they didn't saw that I was kissing them or going with them to the taxi to go home together (because I didn't ) but any way, there was a fact that I like the company of other girls.. nothing else.. <br />
how ever, just today my gf called me and said, that someone saw me with one girl kissing, and she told me this girls name surname, i found her on internet and i remember the face, but I can't remember that I have been kissing her..maybe I was so drunk that it would be impossible to even notice when somebody is kissing you.. but it's not the main thing... now after that she says that we can no longer be together (last 2 months - it have been a hard period for us, I lost my job, have no money etc.) and she doesn't believe me that I didn't do nothing with this girl..because the source which told on me to her is 100% sure that I was kissing to that girl..<br />
Please, some one.. help me.. how to get my life back with her? I really love her...couldn't imagine my future without her. HELP!!!!!!!! What should I say or do to her, to make everything ok?

I cheated on my GF of 3 years. She took me back but I stuffed it all up by staying in contact by email with the girl I cheated with. She found out when she cracked my email account, I guess the trust was gone. The thing is I would never actually cheat on her again, I hated myself for cheating on her, absolute hatred for myself. <br />
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I miss her so much and she is the only girl I ever loved, dont know why I did it. Ive got to live with it. I just wish I could take it all back. All the hurt I caused her, I just want to hold her for the rest of my life. I miss her and its all my fault.

Wow, guys I feel ur pain, really..Especially cause I'm in the same boat at the moment...<br />
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After 4 years in a happy relationship with the most wonderful woman I could imagine, I suddenly cheated on her when I was out of town for 3 weeks. I was so shocked about what I had done, and I just couldn't hold back but call my girl on the phone and tell her what happened - cause I couldnt live with keeping a secret on my mind, which now I think I should have done perhaps in order not to hurt my darlings heart so terribly..aahrg. I said I was sorry and all...and she didn't say much of course...but for whatever reason there was still some sort of strange attraction going on between me and the other girl, so that it went further than what had only been a kiss...<br />
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Damn...I could only keep my head straight while it all happened cause I figured this is just the natural flow of things and that apparently this just means it's over between me and my girlfriend and that's the way it's supposed to be...After those three weeks tho I just felt so incredibly terrible, and I'm still feeling so. Of course she broke up with me, I moved out, and I gave her some space... Now we meet occasionally, but it's really strange:<br />
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After about 3 months of almost not meeting, she seems to be testing me or something...Which is awkward, but it gives me hope that she's still interested in me, cause honestly, I learnt a huge lesson this summer from my big mistake...And I feel that if I was given the chance to be back together with her I would make her the most happy woman on earth. Seriously. I know how it is to lose her now, and I don't want to ever experience that again. I've learnt heaps about myself and about relationships, and I hope that I can apply that wisdom with a second time round with THIS girl, cause she's the one! And yes, I have detected arrogance and selfishness in myself concerning the issue... I was somehow got hooked on the approval and admiration that the other girl was giving me. It made me feel great in the moment I guess...perhaps something I had been missing from my own girlfriend a bit. I was also selfish cause I knew damn right that it was a mistake but I didn't have the integrity to calm down and stop the whole cheating thing out of respect to my girl... I think feeling attraction for other people is really normal, but we have to learn that it's not necessary to act upon that attraction but rather use it as a constant awareness-booster for lighting up the relationship with ur own girl, if she's really your soulmate. <br />
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Now I don't know what to do... still tryin to give her space...tryin to take care of myself and not express my loneliness to her if possible... Next time we meet I want to sincerely apologize once more.. and if there's any chance that she wants to start dating once more, I'll be willing to put in whatever it takes to win back her trust.<br />
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But at the moment her position is: "Nothing would change if we were back together...we'd end up in the same crisis sooner or later.. face it, this is the end and we're not supposed to be together". And when she says these types of things usually a tear rolls down her face... it's terrible...<br />
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Damn. Tough ****. I don't want to give up believing...<br />
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It would be great to get some feedback on my situation from you, cause as I've made my mind up to try to win her back, I'm getting into an almost strategic mindset and want to do the right thing!!<br />
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And though people who say that they have no compassion for cheaters are perfectly right to do so (let's face it, what we did was terrible for ourselves and our significant other) I do believe we shouldn't brood over our mistakes but just learn to become better and not reapeat the mistake next time. Although it's hard, and I personally am nowhere near there, we really need to start forgiving ourselves, too...right'?<br />
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I feel 100% compassion for all of you!! Wish we could all sit together and talk about what's going on in our minds, but probably we'd just drown eachother in our own self-pity ;))

As a person who has been cheated on.. I would like to respond to Derrikmwa444 who made the last comment on this story... <br />
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It's not just the 1 - 2 - or 30 times a person cheats that is the biggest hurt to the recipient of the bad news. This loss of trust is big forsure, but what really affects the one who is cheated on is how all of a sudden there is an identy crisis happening in their life. The security one felt is all of a sudden lost... no matter how independent and strong you are... when someone is your best friend and lover there is an attachment formed that you internalize. This is normal when you take on someone in your life that you value and trust. <br />
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In my case, even after the bad breakup, we still tried to keep in touch, because I really felt he loved and respected me so much as a person... I was in shock though... it took me time to realize that he was extremely sad that I found out -- He got caught. He really couldn't understand the extent to what happened.<br />
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A person that has a wonderful partner and still cheats is saying that they have emotional issues about themselves that they need to be open and honest about, IF they are really interested in change. People find quitting chocolate difficult... even if they are adament about quitting they still cannot. Learning to know what motivates your bad behaviour will be harder than quitting chocolate or cigarettes...<br />
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The girl in your case, probably like me, will never tell you the great extent to how much their life has been affected after the breakup... It's probably much more than a bad week or two of not eating or sleeping properly. A giving - kind - loving person will likely have given a lot of themselves in the relationship. This can easily be taken for granted if one does not hold the same qualities and values. <br />
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I'm considered beautiful, intelligent, and a wonderful girl... but I still got cheated on by an unhealthy person who is quite charming and good at manipulation.<br />
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Lying and/or cheating to a partner takes all their choices away... and this is not fair to do to anyone, whether personal or job related. <br />
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You are lucky to have contact with her, but I really do not think you realize how much damage to the 'other' you have done. It's selfish for you to get-off (because that is what you are doing I'm affraid) on any contact with her... I'm guessing but you probably still have texts/email/connections with girls that you are keeping around for when you feel better... right? <br />
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Arrogance and selfishness is hard to detect in oneself... Everyone thinks they are 'good' people and it was just outside forces that caused the mess...

Thank you. I was on the receiving end as well. He proposed and then a few months afterwards went on a cheating rampage behind my back. It was strangely comforting in some way I know I had been nothing but 100% perfect and had given this relationship 100%. It was completely his own selfish fault. Lying, cheating on, hurting someone is never justifiable. No problem can be solved by creating more problem. Guys, the first step is to admit that you are completely wrong and selfish. No excuses no buts. Second, if you want your girl back, do what she asks you to with military precision and commitment. If you can't do these 2 things, leave her alone. She doesn't need you around to "fix" anything. She's better off without you. The sooner, the better. So she can move on and be content on her own or with someone who treats her the way she deserves.

ok here is the deal. I cheated on my girlfriend of 3 years 1/2 years. This was the most beautiful women i have ever laid eyes upon, from the day i met her, to the day she through my **** out. She loved me as much as a women could love a man. during the second half of our relationship, i fell into old habbits of casual sex that i developed in my late teens. This time It happen with 2 people, 3 times. I then lied about it when she went through my cell(who could blame her). I never felt so much hurt that i ruined this womans life. A life we built together. I felt so much guilt and remorse i fell into a deep deppression and i cried over her loss for a week. lost sleep, loss weight, and the thought of her being gone made me physically sick. I sought help from spirtual elders in my new congregation, and now have a monthly session with a psycholgist. Im amd doing better now and have learned to control my actions. the funny thing we kept in contact the whole time txting and sending pics...not usual for a women who had been hurt so bad. We cried together over the situation and talked about things and issues in our relationship that we never talked about before. Although it had only been a month now we have been in contact most of the time. I love her and she loves me i think...she asked me to tell her i loved her one night when she was on a trip up in the bay area..she says we cant be together, but we talk on a level that was like when we first started to date.....should i give up...or does this sound it like she is waiting to see if my change is for real?..need help if i should just keep it pushing and deal with the loss of her..or wait it out to see if she want to reconcile one day?

When you are cheated on.... or abused... etc... It is easy to do this to someone else. Crazy that something you could sooo hate being done to you... you could actually do to someone else. <br />
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This happens when you are treated like an ob<x>ject. This is how prostitutes and pla<x>yers keep going on.... They treat others the way they have been treated. <br />
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Human behaviour is mimetic.... To be aware of this helps in understanding why we act in ways that we do not want to. <br />
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Be around people you respect so that you are influenced by people that are healthy... Pla<x>yer friends for example, will get you thinking that behaviour is acceptable... you may even start doing the same thing.... and becoming what initially you never thought you would be. "Awareness".... very very important

I have cheated too...it's not worth it at all :(

I did a very similar thing and it is the most regretful thing I have ever done....It has been a huge struggle with guilt and regret....I am trying to get through it but it is hard to know that I was capable of doing the very thing that I hate...I know exactly how it feels to be cheated on....the experience of being the cheater is the most painful thing I have ever experienced....I am not a cheater...but I cheated and I would never do it again...I feel sick that I hurt the woman I love like that...not to mention I lost her too...

the same way and feel exactly how you do.. Life is so hard now..

About 20 years ago, I had a sex partner on the side for 6 years. There wasn't anything hetersexual that we didn't do. This petite black lady could satisfy me like no other women could. This was one of most exciting encounters that lasted like no other thru my life. But all good things have to come to an end. After the sex, I had to go home and act like nothing happened. So I went thru a sexual high then I would have back to going home to feeling nothing. So I started feeling down all the time. So I finally had say goodbye. I had to tell this lady I going home to stay with my wife. It was bad enough everytime we met that I had to explain why I was having sex with my wife. She would get so jealous. Now she was real angry and hurt that I would never come back. To this day I wonder what happened to her.

to justlearning, mayb this is wat he needed to change ,its this that has made he "learn".

In sorry but I don't have any sympathy for cheaters, you don't deserve this woman, go find someone who compliments your lifestyle because I don't see you changing.

NORMAL? IT HAPPENS VERY OFTEN NOWADAYS? AND GIRLS DO CHEAT TOO.

Yikes, nothing like learning the leasson the hard way. Does she know that you are going into counselling, because for me, that would make a HUGE difference, especially because you decided to do this on your own, not at her prompting. If there is anyway you can get that info. to her, it might make a difference. Eitherway, good luck, and i am sorry for your loss.