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Apparently I Cheated On Her While I Was Drunk.

My girlfriend and I were invited to my mom's best friend's wedding. I've been going out with her for 6 months now, and you wouldn't believe how fast I fell for her and how in love I am. We both say to each other that we wouldn't be able to live without the other. I never would have even thought of cheating on her, let alone actually doing it. I can never see myself finishing with her. The vicar at the wedding asked if he should pronounce us two man and wife and instead of us getting embarrased anymore, we both just laugh about it, and joke about marriage and babies a lot now. We both have admitted we would like to be with each other forever, but would like to get the university stage out of the way yet, because we are at 6th form. And we've both said, we would get married if we knew we was with the right person - hinting towards each other, but no babies until like late 20s. But what I'm basically trying to say is that she means the world to me, she means everything. My dad doesn't live with me, and he's been the most important person in my life, always, but he doesn't compare now to her. She's everything I've ever wanted and more. We are perfect for each other.

She went home before the wedding party ended, and I was left at this girl's house, downstairs, because a lot of people from the party ended up at their house, because the parents were at mine, alone, stress-free. I had had the most amount of alcohol I'd ever had in my life, and literally could not stand up, I had to crawl to the bathroom and nearly fell down the stairs 4 times on my first visit. I'd had something like 15 glasses of champagne, a pint of Carling, and then at her house; 2 bottles of wine and 3 large bottles of Bulmers. I can remember kissing this girl, who came onto me, but feeling extremely guilty afterwards. I can't even remember the kissing properly, but I can remember nearly passing out a few times while I was kissing her, and collapsing on top of her a couple of times and falling asleep - that's how drunk I was.

I can't remember anything else happening, and can't remember a lot from that night. Apparently, I had sex with her. It was unprotected as well, which is unlike me at all, and while she was on her period. Another person was in the room at the time as well, and they told me that she thinks we did have sex, but only for about 1 minute or something, because she turned away and heard a lot of moving around.

I just can't believe that I would do this to my girlfriend. I really can't. I've cried and cried over it, I sat in my shower for over half an hour trying to get myself clean once I got home. I've even cut myself on my arm a few times for it. I was sick for basically the whole day afterwards, from hang over and from what I'd done - the feeling was awful. The guilt is killing me, but what is worse is thinking about my girlfriend's reaction to all of this. She's told me that she would never ever finish with me, and it kills me that I've done something like this to her. I don't know if I should tell her. I think I should, because we don't keep anything from each other, but I can't finish with her, I just can't. I can't bear to think about life without her. She might take it better than I thought, and stay with me, I just don't know. Please help me.
cod07 cod07 16-18, M 19 Responses May 20, 2007

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I don't think it counts if you can't remember it.<br />
If it means nothing, do not burden your partner with this. You will confess to get rid of the guilt but you are just putting a Horrible burden on someone who loves you. <br />
You did the crime, you do the time, do not put it on an innocent person and make their life and decisions hell.

From a woman's perspective, my boyfriend and I are in the same position as you and your girlfriend are (I have a promise ring as well). My boyfriend still remembers the date..... He was heavily intoxicated, and a girl took advantage of him. This is the first time he's kissed another girl drunk. The second girl took him all the way. He got drunk at a concert and suddenly told me. I collapsed ( oddly dramatic I know) but I rose up looked him in his wattery eyes and forgave him. The pain of knowing you betrayed one of your loved ones you hold most dear, is enough of a punishment because you live with it. Those who love each other look at this situation as a splinter in a foot. It takes time and dedication to take the splinter out, it will also take time to heal the wound. In time your relationship will be just as strong. These are words of wisdom from a girl's perspective.

I never thought of it that way but you are correct. My wife cheated on me and I had to help her forgive herself. She suffered enough. Of course I had to get even and cheated on her. Then I had to let go and hurt someone whom I loved and loved me. (I stayed with my wife). I still suffer guilt and miss the one I had to hurt. It isn't worth it, yet I wouldn't take back the experience of loving and being loved by this person and I don't believe she would either because she told me so. Life, human nature, It is hard and sad sometimes.

I did basically the same thing last night. My GF was out of the state. My downstairs neighbors were having a party and I was bored so I went down to drink with them. I'd seen them around, but I didn't know any of them by name. I used to party a lot before I got with my GF, but now I don't feel the need as much. I did last night though and I know it was because I was a bit lonely. I drank so much that the end of the night is a haze. I blacked out for parts of it. I don't know who initiated it but a girl at the party and I agreed to go up to my appartment together. I would have never done that sober. I love my GF very much and I plan to propose to her in a few months. She has changed my life. Lots of people have been bad to her in the past and I wanted to prove that I could be different. But then I do this. I've never picked up a girl for random sex before. I've always been in commited relationships before having sex. But I did last night. Half way through the act I stared feeling guilty, even through the drunken haze. She got suddenly nervous, got dressed and went back down stairs, saying that she'd be back. I passed out and woke up this morning. Her bra was still in my bed and my shoes were missing (still haven't figured that one out).<br />
I can't tell my GF. It would only hurt her and it would do little for my conscience. I plan to be wonderful to her for the rest of her life. She went on a vacation with friends and we were both miserable being away from each other. I won't make that mistake again. I'll follow her anywhere. And I won't put myself in a situation when I can cheat again either. I may not have know what I was doing after I was drunk, but I let myself get drunk with strangers in the first place. That was a mistake. I hate what I did. At lease, I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. Treat the people you love well. Our relationships are fragile. I don't intend to let alcohol ruin the best thing I have ever had in my life.

Regardless of what Pinky92 says Do Not Tell Her!
she may not find out, If you love her do not burden her with this weight.
I used to complain about being monogomous and my wife would tell me I don't want to know about it. I should have listened to her.

You should tell her.. Its better she finds it out from you than someone else.. I have been cheated on several times(always the same guy, stupid me staying with him.. But we were young) and not that it feels good but its better to hear it from the person you are in a relationship with.. Just remember.. You reap what you sow.

I went out w some friends & got drunk. Everything was fine until my friend was driving me to my car and suddenly kissed me :( when i kissed her i imagined my girlfriend. When the kiss was done i got outside the car and puked. That's how disgusted i felt. I feel terrible !! I love my girlfriend with all my heart ! :(:(:(:( I don't know what to do.

It was only a kiss. forget about it. Even your girlfriend would probably not put that much emotion into it.

im in the same situation,we were out last night and i got hammered drunk, we were with a few friends but i left to go out for a smoke,i remember nothing at all but my gf said i was gone for awhile so she had a look around for me and found me outside the pub and a few yards up the street kissing some girl, i remember nothing of this, we went home straight away and spent hours arguing, i dont know what to do now, iv f**ked everything up, we are engaged 1 year just gone i love her to bits,she means the world to me and i want to spend the rest of my life with her, never meant to hurt her, but the damage is done and i just dont know what to do now

I get blackouts when i drink and have twice kissed girls without even knowing; I had to be told the day or a few days after. It disgusts me and i felt sick- kinda like being cheated on yourself. Anyway they both happened in the last 6 months and today; well about half an hour ago i told her......<br />
<br />
Well ive ****** my life with the girl of my dreams through drink, i couldve spent the rest of my life with her but not only have i cheated but i lied until now obviously.<br />
<br />
Basically if you do this TELL THEM STRAIGHT AWAY!!! you have more chance of having some kind of salvation. This may sound hypocritical but this is only for people who are blind drunk when this happens; those who are sober i can't empathise with..I could never do that to someone knowingly.<br />
<br />
Anyway I'm now single, sad and drinking rum....this is a farewell drink to the vein of my life; alcohol

It is amazing how many of us terrible men have so much guilt about this. trust me there are lots of women who cheat and hide it.
For god's sake get over it.
If you can't remember it it didn't happen, or may as well not have
Anything short of exchange of bodily fluids is just making out.
I forget how crazy we are when we are so young and passionate.
It is tough at that age. Now, if my wife cheated or I did I don't think it would mean that much. Life goes on. There are so many worse things.

i feel like i'm in a similar situation. i was so completely drunk at a party, and i know i kissed someone, but i dont remember it. people are telling me that i couldnt even stand. honestly, i remember telling the boy i had a bf.. even though it was just a kiss, i still feel taken advantage of. i hate that i ruined my life and dont even remember it. i know i need to take responsibility, but i just cant believe i did this. i had the most PERFECT relationship with my boyfriend, and although hes staying with me, im scared it will never be the same. i told him the next day because i figured i had already made one mistake and i had to start doing things right from there on. im going to be the best girlfriend imaginable and hope that some day, maybe in a while, things will start to get better. its hard to deal with not only the most important person in my life hating me, but knowing its my fault. i despise every single fiber of my being and would do anything to take that night back. im in college and hes in hs, and i know i wont be going to parties for a while. even when i do, i know i wont be drinking. i cant believe i lost his trust like this, he loved me so much. it is the worst feeling in the entire world.

hi im looking all this stuff up bevause i love my girlfriend more than life itself id do anything for her!!!but i stayed at my friends house the other night but earlier in the day i got really drunk ,i was in a bad place in my head and i only get to see my girl two or three tomes a week!wev our hole lifes planned out togeher even baby names!all my life its been tough i had sucidle thoughts bullied alot and stuff as younger.but i slept with this girl i like put it in if you no what i mean!biut i was poluted drunk.now sober it feels like living hell on earth:"""( because shes so good to me icant tell her because i dont want to hurt her.i havent been myself lately and it was completely the drink!i no i love her and i no id forgive her if she did it simply because i love her so much!i never loved anything or any one but her.life is extremely short im only eighteeni cut im sorry into my chest and thought about suicide but i wont do it because my heart nose what i want and its my love!but my stupid head drove me to do something iwould never do!!!!!it feels like it wasnt me contolling my body and you no why its because it was an accsessive amount of drink.noones perfect and not one person reading this partener hasnt found another person sexually attractive!!you love her,protect her,dont hurt her.because i look at this as a lesson from god to a yuong kid!hes saying keep your love dear to you and make sure nothing ruins it NOW SHUT UP AND JUST BE THE BEST IN THE WORLD TO HER FROM NOW ON!!!THE PAST IS GONE!INOONE IS A SAINT

dont tell her, i didnt we are fine as fook

Ok. by experience.<br />
I think you should tell her.<br />
I did not cheat on anyone, but they cheated on me.<br />
And trust me, it's better knowing the truth now.<br />
How would you feel if it was her that cheated on you and not tell you? And you're both like if nothing went wrong? When really you know you've done something bad?<br />
Tell her before someone else does.<br />
When there's love, there's honesty...

Thank you for this. I've been trying to find an answer and believe that my boyfriend does really love me. I am pregnant and we were a month away from getting married. He just recently confessed that on Halloween he was drunk and had sex with a friend. I am really mad at him and want him to hurt as much as I do. I really do know he loves me and can't get over the fact that we could had had a beautiful life together. I haven't decided what I want to do yet. He regrets telling me because he thought I would stay with him, and inside I almost wish he wouldn't had told me. We would be happy. <br />
<br />
Honestly, I don't think you should tell her because you will be good to her and love her. Maybe, someday later on you can tell her.

i've been cheated on while they were drunk. its the worst feeling. can you cheat on someone and genuinely feel bad about it? i can't imagine cheating no matter how drunk i get...it kind of seems like a cop out. i want to believe that *** cares but it's so hard to believe what they say knowing that they f___ someone else!

Man i have done the same stupid thing. The girl that my heart belongs to and that i love. i got drunk and i didn't have sex but oral was in there. i have never cheated before and i don't want to tell her b/c i love her and don't want to hurt her over a drunk mistake that i will NEVER NEVER NEVER do again. I just feel like i could die

Man i have done the same stupid thing. The girl that my heart belongs to and that i love. i got drunk and i didn't have sex but oral was in there. i have never cheated before and i don't want to tell her b/c i love her and don't want to hurt her over a drunk mistake that i will NEVER NEVER NEVER do again. I just feel like i could die

You tell the other person for you. It was already a selfish act, and telling your girlfriend is another selfish act that will only hurt her in your attempt to purge your guilt. Sometimes, not telling is the kinder, harder thing to do. Just don't let her find out.

chalk it up to immaturity and leave it alone. Obviously you are not a "cheater" or the guilt wouldn't bother you. again, leave off the sauce and forgive yourself and move on.

You're young, you make mistakes. Learn from this - don't drink so much that you lose control anymore and this won't happen again. As for telling her - it really is your decision. I would not because I believe in this: When you tell her, are you telling her to make you feel better or telling her to make her feel better? If its to make you feel better (and it will hurt her) then maybe you should keep it to yourself. You will have to find a way to forgive yourself for it though, or it will eat away at you. That's where this site helps.....