Apparently I Cheated On Her While I Was Drunk.My girlfriend and I were invited to my mom's best friend's wedding. I've been going out with her for 6 months now, and you wouldn't believe how fast I fell for her and how in love I am. We both say to each other that we wouldn't be able to live without the other. I never would have even thought of cheating on her, let alone actually doing it. I can never see myself finishing with her. The vicar at the wedding asked if he should pronounce us two man and wife and instead of us getting embarrased anymore, we both just laugh about it, and joke about marriage and babies a lot now. We both have admitted we would like to be with each other forever, but would like to get the university stage out of the way yet, because we are at 6th form. And we've both said, we would get married if we knew we was with the right person - hinting towards each other, but no babies until like late 20s. But what I'm basically trying to say is that she means the world to me, she means everything. My dad doesn't live with me, and he's been the most important person in my life, always, but he doesn't compare now to her. She's everything I've ever wanted and more. We are perfect for each other.
She went home before the wedding party ended, and I was left at this girl's house, downstairs, because a lot of people from the party ended up at their house, because the parents were at mine, alone, stress-free. I had had the most amount of alcohol I'd ever had in my life, and literally could not stand up, I had to crawl to the bathroom and nearly fell down the stairs 4 times on my first visit. I'd had something like 15 glasses of champagne, a pint of Carling, and then at her house; 2 bottles of wine and 3 large bottles of Bulmers. I can remember kissing this girl, who came onto me, but feeling extremely guilty afterwards. I can't even remember the kissing properly, but I can remember nearly passing out a few times while I was kissing her, and collapsing on top of her a couple of times and falling asleep - that's how drunk I was.
I can't remember anything else happening, and can't remember a lot from that night. Apparently, I had sex with her. It was unprotected as well, which is unlike me at all, and while she was on her period. Another person was in the room at the time as well, and they told me that she thinks we did have sex, but only for about 1 minute or something, because she turned away and heard a lot of moving around.
I just can't believe that I would do this to my girlfriend. I really can't. I've cried and cried over it, I sat in my shower for over half an hour trying to get myself clean once I got home. I've even cut myself on my arm a few times for it. I was sick for basically the whole day afterwards, from hang over and from what I'd done - the feeling was awful. The guilt is killing me, but what is worse is thinking about my girlfriend's reaction to all of this. She's told me that she would never ever finish with me, and it kills me that I've done something like this to her. I don't know if I should tell her. I think I should, because we don't keep anything from each other, but I can't finish with her, I just can't. I can't bear to think about life without her. She might take it better than I thought, and stay with me, I just don't know. Please help me.
cod07 16-18, M 18 Responses 1 May 20, 2007