Searching For Intimacy

I'm a 32-year-old married guy who has been with his wife for 14 years. We first met in Manchester, England, whilst at university, and the attraction was immediate. We got engaged quickly and, after convincing her parents we were compatible (we're from different racial and religious backgrounds), we got married and settled down together.

Everything was perfect until a few years ago, when my sexual desire and attraction for her simply faded. I still loved her, but the desire was no longer there. The upshot was near celibacy, which I managed to live with for a couple of years, until my need for intimacy literally overwhelmed me and I started looking for opportunities to sate that need.

To my shame, I quickly slept with a number of girls, but felt detached from them. However, recently I have met a truly sensual and sexual 20-year-old (yes, it does feel like an early mid-life crisis) and she has blown my mind. I only get to have one night a week with her, but the sexual explosion that happens in mind-boggling and I feel hypnotised by her intelligence, warmth and beauty.

I have no idea where this will lead, nor why I am writing this on this site - its neither graphic, nor particularly interesting, so I doubt it will generate much interest but I guess it feels cathartic - however, I have now committed an even more cardinal sin of falling for her and need to work out what I want from life.

I'd be curious to know if others' have a similar situation - any advice would be appreciated from others who have been through this?
stillcurious1980 stillcurious1980
31-35, M
2 Responses Feb 27, 2013

Something very similar happened to me. Been married almost 20 yrs. never was a lot of passion in our marriage. I dont know, I guess I just figured that was the way it was. Almost two years ago, not really looking for it, I began a passionate affair with a coworker who is 13 yrs younger than me. The passion, intimacy & chemistry we shared was incredible. I could just kiss her for hours! It was awesome!

I also fell deeply in love with her, as she did with me. But I was not going to leave my wife & the life I had built over the past 20 yrs.....which I think is something I now regret.

To make the story short (you can find my story if you want to read the whole thing) it has ended in hearbreak for me. She could not stand to be the other woman anymore (& I hate calling her that. She was so much more than just "the other woman").

I'm now really searching & wondering if I can continue with out her.....if my life will ever be the same again. If I will ever truly be happy.

Think long & hard, my friend. This could be a life changing experience for you. It has been for me, but I am yet to know if it changed for the better or not.

I am female and if you read some of my stories you will see I have a situation going with a married man. His wife stopped wanting him and he thought he would never even kiss again but then I told him I had a crush on him and he saw it as a chance we do have a line we will not cross although we get close to it. I think you need to decide if you still want to be with your wife or has it gone so far that there's no point in carrying on or that your new love is the one for you but that she also wants you in the same way. I know he won't leave his wife and to be honest I am not sure I want him all the time so there would be no point in us taking it further and you need to make similar decisions. I do hope that made sense and that it helps.