Im So Hurt And Dont Know What To Do Now

i dont even know where to start! i am in love with someone who which i cheated on. im so in love with her and she is so dead inside at times and its really hard on me. i was . confused badly about if she really loved me or not. she said she really did but always cast me away and made me feel not wanted or loved and abandoned. so i started texting other people simply for attention bc i felt so lonely and unwanted. i made the mistake of meeting one of the people and getting drunk and sleeping with her. im so regretful of my actions. bc im so in love with the other someone i cheated on. i wish she could understand how i felt and still feel. understand how sorry i am. i would do anything for her and to be with her! im lost and dont know what to do. im so hurt i keep thinking of suicide bc without her i feel that i dont belong here. when i first met her i hated my life and suicide was a important option in my life. after i met her that changed. i feel like i was meant to be with her. im very much in love with her. i messed it up and desire her forgiveness. is it even possible? i dont know what to do!
adamedison adamedison
31-35, M
4 Responses Mar 7, 2013

First - stop blaming yourself. YES, you messed up. YES, you screwed around. You did what most people do when they need attention - they go seek attention. It's simple. It's a natural reaction to being in a loveless relationship. We all are trying to make ourselves happy.

Second - stop thinking of hurting yourself. Again, you acted quite normally. This happens all the time, because it is a part of Nature. Let me ask you, when you were with your gf, why were you trying to meet other women? BECAUSE you wanted to be happy. Now that she is gone, you want her back, and why is that? BECAUSE you want to be happy.

The happiness you seek is within. Do you love yourself? Do you enjoy your job? Do you like your living condition? Are you happy with your body?

I find that by loving myself, I am not so hard on myself and can see myself as a flawed individual JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. We ALL make mistakes, there is no reason to come down so hard on yourself for being normal.

If this relationship is to be, then it will. Simple as that. IN THE MEANTIME, work on yourself and once you are happy, people will want to be around yo and you can find love again.

Good luck and keep us informed!

I don't get why you cheat then regret it! You to figure out why was the reason why you did what did she's lacking of something made you did what what you did if it keeps bothering you I believe you might have to confess to her

first off, hurting yourself wont get her back or fix what you are going through...
second, i get where you are coming from. i cheated & lost the person i love, too. all you can do at this point is be sure she knows you are sorry & give her space to heal & forgive you. (and the tough truth is that she may not be able to forgive you, at least not for awhile).

hang in there, go talk with someone (like a counselor) if you are open to that, and learn from your mistake... maybe talking to her before cheating about why she was emotionally unavailable might have resulted in you two fixing things. you cant say for sure now, but you can learn for your next relationship that cheating isnt fair for her (or you) and you can be more proactive about dealing with the real issues at play.

Get some counseling that would help.