"...why Did You Do This to Me..."

Let me start from the beginning. I met my girlfriend back in August of last year at a church conference. She was from Chicago and I was from Houston. We started off as friends and the attraction grew, despite the distance. After a few trips to visit one another, we decided to be an exclusive couple in January.

It was great from that point; I would head to Chicago to see her whenever I could and every trip was greater than the last. We were growing together and getting ready to establish a happy life together.

Last weekend, my friend got married and had the reception in Houston. My girlfriend wanted to attend, but she was busy studying for Step 2. I attended the wedding and got extremely inebriated. We went with another friend of ours to meet up his girlfriend, who was out with several of her friends. One of her friends was coming onto me a lot, and I did like the attention...but I shook it off as innocent flirting at most.

As the night wound down, I was too intoxicated to drive, so my friend offered to drive me to the apartment he was staying at for the night. Little did I know that the ladies we met up would be joining us. Whe I got to the apartment, I went to a room and passed out. The remainder of the night is a blur, but I know that the lady I was flirting with and I had sex. I believe that she put protection on me, but I am unsure.

I felt uneasy the next day as I talked to my girlfriend. I tried to act as if nothing happened, but my girlfriend knew something was not right with me. Two days after the incident happened, I told my girlfriend; The guilt was tearing me apart. My girlfriend cried on the phone and told me that she would call me later to talk about it.

Later that night, my girlfriend called me and asked me about the details. I told her what I remembered and she started to cry again. I cried along with her, feeling miserable and giulty. In a sad and quiet voice, she asked me "How could you do this to me?" and I had no answer. The sound of her voice is like a sharp dagger being driven in my heart by...me. I have no one else to blame but myself.

I am trying to reconcile things between my girlfriend and myself, but it is going slow. I can feel as if there is progress...since that incident, I have decided to quit drinking for the time being. I believe that my drinking was a precursor to this and is an underlying cause of many of my problems. (Believe me, I have a handful of problems...) I have also started to look more to my faith to help me through this trying time. Over the last few years, I have grown distant from my Christian faith...and I think that my faith is what can carry me through this time in my life.

My girlfriend has been an angel through this whole ordeal. She has been praying with me and praying for my life decisions. It will be a long time before I know whether or not we will be back together...and I look to make these changes knowing full well that she might not come back to me when it is all said and done...but I know that her prayers will be with me and the changes I make will benefit me in any relationship I might find myself in.

26-30, M
4 Responses Sep 9, 2007

There is hope for you. Things are not nearly as bad as you think. You were honest with her about what happened and you were under the influence. You are being proactive about making the relationship work and working on yourself to prevent future indiscretions. There is still Honest and trust in your relationship...the foundation is still intact. I think this is a storm you can both weather.

Oh, and telling her... No matter what, it was damn brave.

Happyman... If my girl ever finds out, I'll use your little sentence... :/

I dont know if there are rules on these boards. please forgive me if there are. YOU'RE A PIECE OF WORK! Rule number one in a relationship--DONT CHEAT Rule number two is if you cheat and you feel bad-- dont tell your significant other no matter what. You did that for you not for her. You told her because u felt bad. So first you cheat then you can't handle it so you destroy your mate. Smooth move