Feel like scumbag.

So, I been with my gf for about 9 months now (in a committed relationship). It's all been good, still go out with friends from time to time, more so recently because my single guy friend is back from college for the summer and needs help (hes single / shy / and clueless) Fairly good relationship, she's leaving in 3 weeks for 5 months and then coming back. We've agreed that we are going to seperate once she leaves. I've been quite recently starting to 'check out' a bit, and well, truth be told I really do miss being single, but figured I'd just wait it out. Now, here is where things get shity.

I was out this weekend on Sat. helping out my friend get some girls. I'm very hands off, and respect my girlfriend, so I usually never 'hit on the girls' as I normally would, I just keep the convo fun and just have some playful banter going on - which sometimes seems to slap me back in the face because the girls end up liking me anyways. Anyways, ended up talking to these two girls. And it's going good and I'm pretty sure my friend can pull something off here. Most of the time, we just get some phone numbers and that's it, never chat for long. But we end up pulling these girls back to mine (and eventually his). Now let me just say that the girl I was talking to was very hott, with a banging body (def. hotter than my gf : yes I feel pretty bad even typing that). This girl is clearly into me, and my friend is doing okay with his girl.

My gf is gone for the weekend / part of the week.

She ends up asking for my # and like an idiot I give it to her, maybe because I wanted to just play along so my friend could have a shot.

So we all end up staying up til like 6AM, just chatting, my friend could have easily pulled his girl into one of the rooms, but he has no idea what hes doing so just blithly continued doing nothing.

We drop them off, that's it.

My friend now 'tempts' me (I feel like some religious nut in need of repenting, guilt sucks) saying how "hott she is" blah blah blah. Then I go on this downward cycle of thinking like, "well maybe I'll just break up with my GF early, but shes gone, and I'd do it in person, shes leaving anyways"... And then go on to think about how how hott this chick is...

Following day I think obsessively about the entire thing, and what I should do, and consider my options. Lust.

I then actually invited this girl over to my house, to hang out with me, alone. Now we made plans for the next day, and when I wake up in the morning I think to myself, "what the **** did I do". But...I only wake up like 10 minutes before shes sposed to show up. So...she shows up. Clearly into me. Feeling twisted, but in the end we just chat, the entire time. That's it. Yeah I flirted, I feel like a ****, but we didn't do anything. I didn't even hug this girl, maybe gave her a handshake when I first met her - that's about all the escalation...

But I feel bad because the intent was there in the first place.

I never thought I would ever cheat, and we didn't do anything, but I still feel guilty, and it still sorta feels like I cheated a bit...maybe more mentally than physically. I feel pretty weak about this.

Looking back, it was a big mistake, even though I didn't do anything (well I did, but you know what I mean). I've told myself I'm not going to hook up with this girl, or even flirt with any girls until me and my girlfriend are broken up.

I guess my question is (soz for the sob story), should I really be feeling this guilty? Will it pass? Should I tell my girlfriend (I don't think it would be the best idea...)? Do I really have any reason to be so twisted over this right now? 

rincon88 rincon88
3 Responses Aug 4, 2009

i shouldnt be saying this to you because im a girl and i would hate for my man to do that to me and not tell me but.....if you really care about her and possibly want to stay with her dont tell her..if shes leaving still dont tell her because she should leave on good terms with you not thinking she waisted her time with you or that you a should feel guilty because it was wrong but its done,you did it already...let it go and dont do that kind of thing again..good luck hunny

I don't think you need to ask anyone this stuff...perhaps you are looking for some justification of sorts...whatever you can live are the one who has to answer your own thoughts and conscience.<br />
<br /> not tell her...move on and forget it...learn from are only making yourself feel better by telling her and in effect you are going to make her doubt you and she will be the one feeling like ****...projecting guilt is the most selfish thing you can do...

I think the question to ask yourself is how would you feel if your GF did that to you? If the rolls were reversed how would you feel? I know if my BF met a girl no biggie but inviting her over? Oh no, thats a deal breaker. The fact that you didnt do anything, well that shows a strong sense of character and obviously you care about her. You'll have to decide what the right thing for you to do is. You didnt actually do anything physical BUT you made a mental connection with the other girl. Best of luck to you!