Cheated On My Husband With My First Love...

When I was 16 I was in love with a man, he was 23.. We were together for two years. My dad threatened to kill him, so he moved away to another state to get away, we kept in contact for about a year then he didnt write back/return calls. I have built this man up in my mind for 16 years now. I have never stopped loving him, missing him. I have compared every man to him I have ever been with. I always knew one day he would come back for me (stupid childhood dreams...right?) I have searched for him on Myspace, and Facebook every chance Ive gotten. Finally found him a few months ago. We have chatted..the ol Hope your happy crap. Turns out he never married, says he was too heartbroken after me. Tells me he loves me, wants to get back together with me, marry me..blah, blah.. Well. About 4 years ago I finally gave up on my dream of him and married a man that is perfect. My mother did drugs my whole childhood and I was finally "content: in finding a man that was good. No drugs, dont drink, works hard. The typical family man. I do love him, he takes care of me and out 3 year old. But I will never love my husband as much as my childhood love. I finally consented to go see my first love, he lives 4 hours away. I went and knew I wouldnt want to ever come home. It was like I have not had to live without him for the past 16 years. My first love turned out to be a convicted felon, and says hes clean from drugs but I dont know what to believe there. But I cant help but wanting to be with him. I think im being so stupid because I want to leave a perfect husband for a convicted felon who lives with his mom and dont work. But you cant help who you love right? I dont know what to do. Its not a money issue, I am a nurse and make plenty of money to support myself (and the non-working felon, and I would do it).  Is it just the nurse in me wanting to fix him??? Is it me needing by be needed by him?? My husband truely loves me and would be devastated if he knew I was thinking about leaving him. And my son would be heartbroken not having both of us around everyday.  I think Im losing my mind.. any insight would be appreciated.  
Kimberly636 Kimberly636
31-35, F
2 Responses Nov 16, 2011

You know the right thing to do. I can understand if your husband is worse, but you say he is perfect. The love that you felt for your first love is always a great feeling but do you think he really feels the same? If he truly loves you, he will not break up a happy marriage. ( are u really happy?) He will respect that and will not make it harder for you. Are you really ready to make such a drastic change of life?

think about your son and your loving husband. what can this convicted felon give you that your hubby can't? you're educated. you know what's right form wrong.