I Cheated But I Don't Feel Guilty He Made Me Want To Die!!!

so i've been married for almost a year. When i first met my husband i was happy as could be. our love was strong for one another but what i didn't know bout my husband is he had a bad background. When we got married everything started going down hill. I found out about his past and the moment i did everything in life seemed so  horrible between us. He kept pushing me away more and more after everything came out. He has cheated on me three times and lies to me constantly and i can't take it. so Just recently i went to my ex's house and hung out with him. Him i'm inlove with but idk if he feels the same i don't think he knows i'm married...
My husband makes me feel like i don't deserve to be alive and that i'm never gonna be wanted by anyone. I feel so unloved by him that i just want to crawl in a whole and die. With the guy i cheated on him with i care for him and he does make me feel happy. For 2 hours all we did was kiss and cuddle and watch movies.His kiss's me so much to me it makes me lose control and i tried not loseing control...The only thing that bother's me here is...What if ime and my husband ever get divorced and i tell the new person of my life i cheated will he ever be able to trust me...I don't feel guilty for wat i did at all and to tell you the truth i want to be in the other guy's life and his arms....
I'm affraid to leave my husband for several reason..violence and to be alone..i hate being alone...i have so much love to share !
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2 Responses Jul 24, 2010

Number one rule for an adulteress, never tell a new lover, fiancee, etc about your dirty laundery. I would say you need to go ahead with a divorce. Things will only get more complicated. My second marriage lasted less than a year. It's not that uncommon today.

Pleny of ***** whipped men will stand for being with someone who's cheated, so don't worry