My Wife Cheated On Me..

We have been married for 15 years. We have three daughters. About a year ago I started noticing changes on my wife's behavior. She was always on the phone texting. I didn't think anything of it at first, but after a while I noticed that she carried her phone with her 24/7. She became distant towaards me. We started having sex less snd less. I asked several times and she always answered that she didn't know what was going on, that she thought she had a hormone problem, and maybe that was the reason that she didn't want to be intimate with me. Of course I didn't believe her because the few times that we had sex she enjoyed it, or at least that is what she made me think. Anyways, I confronted her, so she confessed that she was talking to one of her customers at the insurance office where she works at. She said that it was nothing else going on. So of course i was furious, she said that she was gonna stop talking to him and that she was sorry. I belived her, big mistake. Our relationship got a little bit better, not as before, but everything was slowly getting back to normal. A few months later she strter to go out with a "grilfriend" after work. Like to grab some lunch, or do her nails, which I don't see anything wrong with that. The thing was that she never answer phone calls during that time, somethimes she even turnrd off her phone. Sothat went on for a couple o monts. On november she asked me if she could go with her friend to San Antonio, Tx, which is about 4hrs away. They were gonna goto pick up a car for her friend mom. Ok, she went that night so they could be back by the morning cause she had to work. By that time I had noticed that her mestrual period had stop for a couple of months, and I noticed her brest alittle biger than usual. She said that it was because of the stress. I know stress can mess up women's mestrual period, I don't think it will make your brest grow. Anyways I didn't believe her, but I just didn't say nothing. Later that month I went to pick her up so we could got some lunch. When she got in the car she ssaidthat she forgot someting, so she got offand left her purse there. I heard a beeping sound out of her purse. It was her phone, she had gotten a message. I don't know why, but I opened her purse and gt her cell (that was the 1st time that I got int her purse). So I saw messages from another man, love messages, back and foward. I I called the # and this guy answer thinking it was her calling. I confronted him, I went off on him, so he hangedoff. When my wife got back in the car she saw me with her phone and got mad. She even got ofended cause I got her phone. That that was the reason she was doing that, becausei was alwas in her business, that I nevergave her trust. That she was sorry,that it was just talking. Since that day webeen growing appart, looks that she doesn't care about the marriage, like she's proud of what she did. The weard thing is that she says that she wants to stay together. I staid with that doubt about the time she went to SA with her friend. About a month ago I was checking my insurance activity online, so I clicked on claims. I saw something that make want to die. I saw a claim from the hospital. They charged mi insurance; delivery room, recovery room, medication to sspeed up labor. Icalled her, and she didn't know what to say. Everything sahwed that she was pregnantand she eather had an abortion, or a miscarege. I know she wasn't pragnant from me cause we rarely had sex and the few times, I made sure she didn't get preg. With all problems I didn't want to bring a baby this environment. Finally she told me that it was her friend. That she took some pills to have an abortion, that she didn't went to SA. That her friend didn't take any ID and that she had to register her friend, but since she had no money, no insurance, she used her info. Of course I don't believe her. The next day she got home, she told me that her period had started and that she was super tired. I don't think that was a coinsidence. I filed for divorce already, but she doesn't know it yet..
juan76 juan76
31-35, M
10 Responses Jun 13, 2011

did you get a divorce from your wife,,,,

I hope that the divorce eventually comes through and that you move on with your life. Good luck to you and your children.

Lol hormone problem the problem is the whoremoans to much.. Sorry get rid of her cheaters are always cheaters do yourself a favor and let it go

Emotionally you move out.
But she is still a lying cheating w-hore, according to your comments.
And you still support her 100%. Financially.

Thats so sad. Why cant you get rid of her?

People still think you are the cheater? I mean, he said she was sorry but she is also a liar...

You said you filed for divorce but still are married. Since June of 2011 thats a long time for divorce proceedings....

I honestly Feel for you as we men have to be strong and act like it does not hurt although it is not the case. The same happened to me quite a few years ago really, I have had a sad life and I loved her completely, hence when it happened I could not bare to lose her, the truth is I did not have the courage I guess. Now many years later its a living hell you can never forget even if you forgive, when someone cheats on you, someone you have loved cherished and most of all TRUSTED you lose that trust especially if like me you were fragile in your own confidence and belief. I can honestly say to you that I made the wrong decision and you are making the right one. I know that it probably does not help you with the pain but reading your story tells me that you are a genuine and nice person (They always get hurt) and you will find someone who will love you back and fulfil your life for you. I am truly sorry for what happened to you and feel the loss and pain you are now feeling. I wish you all the best and god bless you and ease your suffering.<br />

Dump her, she is a liar and a cheater, and, she is trying to blame you. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

The poster above said well - better be from a broken home than living in one. I admire the fact that you have failed for divorce. I am in a similar situation and am weighing my options right now. It is hard when there are kids involved. I did the couples therapy thing and did nothing for me. I, just like you, wanted to set example of how to build a happy family, but I don't think I could do it in dynamics like those. I feel that starting fresh would be the best option to find piece and move on with your life.

I may get bashed for posting my response but i am going to all the same. I am not taking any sides on this. Cheating isn't right in any way. I wish I could say I myself was innocent in that respect but I am not. <br />
The only reason I do agree that a divorce may be best is because she is not willing to accept the fact that it is her own fault, regardless of the situation those of us who chose to cheat.. chose it. regardless of the reason we chose it. Therefore it is our own fault. I have been on both ends of the proverbial cheating stick. Both ends hurt like mad. The cheated on side hurts the most,because you are stuck with what the other person chose to do. Should you two decide to try and work it out..( i am not suggesting either way really).. my experience is that the trust will be next to impossible to get back. <br />
As far as her reasoning behind it.. well in her mind she may truly see it that way.Losing a child can mess with a woman's head. We feel them as they grow inside of us. It's an odd feeling that cannot be described but a wonderful feeling all the same. In her mind she may have been truly desperate for that child .. to her it may be what she needs to move on. Her having that abortion may have been her trying to step back into reality .. and while the evidence against her is damning .. she may have also been telling the truth. Not likely but it is possible. Long and short of it maybe you guys should take a stab at therapy. It sounds as if she really needs it whether it is couples therapy,individual therapy or just plain grief therapy. <br />
One last note.. i have grown up with parents who did not really want to be together and I wished daily that they would just get a divorce so at least someone could be happy. They stayed together until all of us kids grew up then they got divorced. It was the best thing they ever did for each other and all of us kids agreed we wish they had don e it years ago.

Nope, your wrong

Im very sorry for you. :(<br />
But dont you agree that its better a divorce to your children than seeing how unhappy is their parent`s marriage? If your wife hates you, they will notice that! Even if you try to hide it they will realise, even if you wait until they grow up.<br />
So yes, you are right: that's the best thing to do right now.<br />
Besides, maybe that teach them to appreciate what they lost and that might help them to take relationships/marriage more seriously. You tried to avoid divorce about your kids: that showed that your experience made you care more about them. Its possible that they follow your example with more success (or avoid bad decisions).<br />
Sorry about my lack of personal experience on this, but that`s what other people`s example taught me.<br />
you said that she should wait a few months to impregnate again. How did that make her angry with you? Did you refuse to conceive a son with her these last 3 years until now?<br />
All your fault... She was the one who impregnate with irresponsible sex with lover and paid abortion "stealing" your money. She has her share of blaming and fault, and not small one, despite not only one.<br />
If she cant impregnate again, than her abortion & irresponsibility will sooner or latter finish with her lack of caring & pride. Come to think of it, her selfish behaviour isnt actually some kind of vengeance full of bitterness in a cloak of apparent pride? Im not psychologist, but thats possible & you`re in better position of knowing that than me.<br />
BTW, its ok for you to say all these things here, not in a private message?<br />
Keep posting me if that make you feel better: it makes me feel better to help people.

If you were a woman with a cheating husband, my comment would be still the same:<br />
Good for you that you filed for divorce! Lets hope she will regret the abortion knowing she did it for nothing, because she wasnt as smart as she thought and you found out. If she really wants to stay together (if that wasnt just talk) then she has too much to lose with divorce, not because of "love" as you know it. Give her what she tried to avoid.<br />
I am against all kind of deceivers: false friends, demagogues, politicians, cheaters. A false friend I had, cheated his girlfriend, a relative of mine, few months after he told me mumbo jumbo about how he fell in love with her(he didnt like to work and he liked to mock me & people whose ideas he didnt like).They ended.<br />
Can you keep posting to see if she swallow the consequences of her doing and hate it?

Well skepticaldemocrat, I'm against cheaters too. I come from a broken marriage. My parents separated when I was 10 years old, my father cheated on my mom several times. Maybe that's the reason I've waited so long, trying to fix things between us. I don't want my daughters to go through a parents divorce like me. I don't want them to suffer like I did growing up. But even if I don't like it, I think that's the best thing todo right now. She acts like if she doesn't care anymore, the only reason we are still together is because of my girls, which is a big mistake. And about the abortion, I can't believe how could she do something like that. Three years ago she was pregnant with our 1st boy. When she was five months into the pregnantcy, the doctors detected something was wrong with my boy. He was missing part of the brain and part of the backbone (spine), so the doctors said that there was no way he was gonne make it out alive. So we had to make the hardes decision of our lifes. We had to get a judges ruling soshe could have an abortion. We had to do that cause it was gonna be harder for us,specially for her to have a baby inside for 4 to 5 months knowing that he was gonna be born dead. That's why its kind of hard for me to believe that she could do something like that. Another thing is that I think she is holding a grudge against me cause 7 months after my son died, she wanted to get pragnant again. I knew she wasent ready yet, so I told her that it was better if we waitted a couple of months. She said that she wanted to get pragnant so she could getmy son back. That was the red light for me. I don't think she could of taken it if it was another girl. She told me a couple of months ago that it was my fault that she didn't get pragnant when she wanted it, and now she was never gonna get pregnant again. Maybe what I did was wrong, maybe all of this is my fault....don't know what to think any more.

Its been almost two years since I posted my story. Since then alot of thing had happend. My story took place in 2010, and what I,talked about kept goin on for another year. Well, since I last posted, things got worse. My wife kept cheating. Making up stories to ho out with this guy, lying. She kept doing the same thing she had come doin for from the previous year. She kept bringing me down, calling me a loser, that any man would be better than me, to stay out of her life, that I was a soured loser because she had fallen in love with another man, that I was patetic, to go look for another woman because there was nithing between us, and that there was never gonna be ever agan. to be honest, and looking back I,dont know why I put up with all that bull....maybe it was because of my girls, or maybe I just,loved her that much. So I started going to theraphy, I went for a couple of months. I decided to do it bacause I was too depress, I lost my business because I wasnt paying attention to my customers. I spent entire days sitting down on the couch, just thinking, by,the time I knew, it was time to go to my night job, time went by with out me knowing. I stop eating properly, I stopped mantaining my,house, the lawn, the cars. I was a mess. So I went to theraphy, the best decision I ever did in my life. I saw tjings clearly, istaarted to get over her, I raised my self sorry, im kind of tired, i'll continue with the story another time. You guys,will never belive what happend, ..

When you are ready, tell us about it.
If that's good news, I mean.

Only degenerate losers like to hear sad stories from real life with unhappy endings.

Im back, I went to theraphy for a couple of months. I know some people say that theraphy is, useless, but for me, it help me alot. She helped me to see things clearly, to meke.meel I was worthed. I had two options, to try and get her back, or to let her go. So I went with the second one. She showed me how to let go of her, is amazing how powerful the mind is using the right techniques. I decided to move, go up north to work, with my brother. Around september 2011 I left the,house. It was hard to leave, after 15 years of marriage, and even harder to leave my girls. I left, she continued her life the way had been doing for the last couple of years. I started talking to a couple of girls, texting, talking on the phone, chating in line. I never had eyes for another woman, and never crossed my mind to talk or text to another woman before, I guess I was that much in love. ut felt good, I felt a little bad because I was still married, but it,was nothing on my part just talking. Its kind of an amazing feeling to see that other woman interest in you after been put down for a some time, after been yelled to your face that you are a wimp, that any man will be better than you, that you are soured because she fell in love with someone else. douring the time I was away, I came home for a couple of times, she looked different. She actualy was nice to me. Im not gonna lie to you, I kind of liked it. On december 24, my oldest birthday, we were at her party, and I had to go home to get something, cant even remember what, so I went on her car, and again she,left her purse. And again, like people say, if you seek, you find, l got a little calendar where she keeps track of,her mestrual period and appointments. I got it, opend it and I saw somethung that made me want to die. I saw, for the last two years, all the times she slept with this guy, how many times a day.......heres an example of what I saw, *1x in, *3xin, *2x out, and so on, at least three to four days a week for one and a half years. She also wrote the,time she went to,the,hospital to,have an abortion or misscarriage. She also wrote when she got a pregnancy test, no once, but three times. I,guess she took a pill or something to stop the pregnancies..i just gever the book and walkes away, staid at my daughters party but as soon as it was over I went to a hotel. So time went by, we kept in contact because of the girls, I kept supporting her and my kids, I continued talking with these other girls. One day she called me cursing at me, I dont kbow how she did it but she saw the phone bill with all the calls, so she called the numbers...she made a big deal out of it, she told all relatives and her relatives that I was cheating with two girls, I only meet one of them, we went out to lunch, thats it. Till this she keeps calling me and texting me, anyways, she told dverybody, so now im the cheater, the lier. Now she tells me that shes sorry, that she regrets everything she did, the she relized she loves me and that,shes gonna fight for me. Now shes the one begging, crying, asking for another chance. To forgive,her, that,she stopped seen this guy for over a year ago. But how can I beliver her, how can I,trust her and how can I forget everything she yelled at me, all the insults, plus if its,true, how do I know she ended it, what if he did, and the only reason shes stopped seen him is,cuse he dompped her, sometimes, words can do more damage then actions. so thats where I am right now, still working away, moving city to city, state to state, making good money. But im still scared to start another relatiinship, well im still legally married, but were separated, but im still supporting them financily thats my borring story, up to now...

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