Does He Love Me???

I wasn't surprised to see that I was the first to put this topic on here... To begin I will admit that there is no fixing what I did. But I did do it. It's done. It was over four years ago. We had just had our one year anniversary. And then I deployed. It’s not even as though I cheated because I didn’t love my husband or because I did love this other guy. I don’t know what it was. But after being gone about four months I cheated on my husband. This went on for about 2 months. When I got home I was a wreck. I didn’t want to tell my husband for obvious reasons. But after about two weeks I broke down. I tried to get him to leave me… That’s what a lot of people don’t understand. At first I left him. He fought for me to come back. When I did I did everything to make him hate me. I don’t understand why he put up with anything at all. He threatened to take his own life. He let me do whatever I wanted. Things were absolutely crazy for about a year. It was like he wanted to show me that he still loved me and I was giving him a million reasons to hate me. He even joined the military so that I would be able to get out (of the military). He let my younger brother move in with us (to make me happy). He even tried using money. He did anything he could to show me that he still loved me and that it was okay if I still loved him. You would be surprised to learn that a lot of men are actually like this. By that I mean forgiving. We never really resolved the entire thing. There were a few moments of tears and frustration but never anything real. It’s not something that you just talk about freely. I do remember the day that he forgave me. I remember that same day was the day that I knew I had something that most people didn’t even know existed. It was the strangest thing. To have someone actually, truly honestly love you so much that they really could forgive anything.  What was stranger was to realize that I loved another person the same. We have been married six years now…
PaperRoses PaperRoses
18-21, F
35 Responses Jun 26, 2007

I had a similar situation, and I immediately forgave my wife. I wanted her back under any conditions! I still love her, I forgave her, but I can not ever forget!! I also used to trust her 100%, regardless! Sadly I find that I can't ever trust her again. That is the saddest part.

i cant understand what sort of "man" would stay with someone like this. hopefully the fact that her purposefully being a complete ***** to him ended with her leaving him for the guy she was cheating on him with was a wakeup call to him.

My wife cheated on me 2 years ago, and I too got mad, felt that I had been a big part of the problem and try try be a better partner to her. I begged her to tell me everything, but kept finding out more and more. I even found evidence of possible past indiscretions. We have been togetehr 20 plus years, married for 17 of them. I love her very deeply, still find her an attractive and sexy woman. We love to snuggle naked when we sleep, and the sex has been great! I try to forgive her in my heart and mind, and have done so to a certain extent. But..... not one day goes by that I don't think of the other guy and what might or might not have happened. I doesn't help me pu this to rest because my wife still won't fill in all of the blanks. Before, I trusted her 100% and never doubted her fidelity and that she would be alone on her business trips. Well, on one of these trips her "friend" was driving our brand new car, maybe a bit faster than he should, and a car turned in front of them. The car was demolished and my wife could have died. Instead she just got a couple of broken ribs. It took her 10 hours before she called me, and it was 8 more hours before I drove to where she was. Imagine how I when I saw a strange bag and 1/2 finished case of beer in the car at the impound yard. My gut felt like a knife was thrust into it.<br />
I got the usual, it was just someone to drive for me, we had separate rooms, well ok seperate beds, well.... "but we never did it'!!!! OK fine!! Well after we got home I find her nicest (and used to be my favorite) lingerie in her suitcase as I was putting it away. She said she never got the chance to wear them (funny there seemed to be a bit of a stain on the crotch of the panties). The lies continued, one by one I found out the truth on most of them. Today I still love her, do cheerish the many years and things we have been through, and plan on staying together for life. BUT!!!! I will never ever trust her completely and fully as I used to. Every time she goes away, part of me wonders.....It is sad, but I can forgive but part of me will never forget.

Can you accepted her again ?

Always accepted her, forgave her, understood why she did it. The real problem is that she has yet never come completely clean about everything. So, that makes me wonder about what is still being hidden. I look back and am now sure that there were other instances and other people. Sadly I will always love her, will probably always forgive her, but can never forget the betrayal and the lies. If she would have fessed up everything when I found out, I might be looking at it differently today. BTE|W, before your man gets too
"holier than though, you might ask him if he too cheated when you were off defending our country?
In spite of everything, don't be too hard on your self, and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY AND DEFENDING OUR FREEDOM!!!!
Most Americans do not come close to understanding the sacrifices and problems related to military service families endure!!

I was in the same situation bro. The knowing but not knowing how bad or how often drove me away. Good riddance

Come on, people!<br />
Her stories show he had serious problems with her relationships.<br />
She seems to suffered a lot.<br />
Stop kicking a person who is (or was) down.<br />
I am judgmental but what`s too much is too much!

Some of you people are just sick, there is no good from this in any point of view except that he isnt with this cheating woman anymore. Im sure this guy went thru a liveing hell because of this woman weather he is weak minded or at heart doesnt matter he still loved her and she back stabbed him. I was cheated on by my wife I kicked her out for it for about four months ago. then it started haveing a terrible effect on my 4 year old and 13 year old daughters. My wife begged and pleaded to come back said she was sorry and would do anything bla bla bla.. But when you do somehing like this to your spouse its a deal breaker anything els could be forgiveable and dealt with. You people that cheat on your spouses have to understand this causes dire consequences<br />
for them emotional and physical and for your kids if you have them, its a discusting thing to do to a family.There is no excuse for it and you should not be forgived but forgotten.

Well I don't think we're 'you people'. I don't even know what to say to you except ok. Or maybe wake up. Sorry it happened to you. And it's good to know there are still perfect people like you in the world :-/

Can I ask who divorced who? Was it due to cheating? or you just can't love him? I can sympathize with you. Some here are harsh and bitter. Love come in all different shape and form. It's too bad his love for you didn't last or your love to him can't materialize. Hoped you found happiness at the end..

Oh, I read further. You left your husband for your bf. How's it working out?

Well that of course didn't work out. And really that's not why I left him as that other man was never my boyfriend. He never left his wife. A lot of bad came of all of this. And while it may look like I was the sole contributor here I wasn't. And in reality I think all of us are better off now. Now that we aren't all in those toxic relationships. But that's another story.

Hey there!
I understand, but honestly.... did you ever cheat on your wife? Maybe in person, or even the "secret EP" account your wife does not know about?? In my opinion, only GOD can truly judge us!!

2 More Responses

I love how people keep commenting about the relationship even though it's over. They aren't together anymore. She left him. I'm glad she shared her story and I doubt that 4 years later she gives a crap what you have to say about it.

She is still talking and thinking about this to get closure and be able to move on and maybe establish a better relationship the next time. Too often, people go on making the same mistakes over and over again, with the same sad results.

Paper Rose, <br />
<br />
I find your story a complete disgrace.

Are you talking about her last comment?

Yeap, i am talking about her last comment and the comment she made to Jamcojay and other who told him to get over himself, Men are different from women, we value what is ours to be innocent, I think the world needs to abandon support groups like NOW, and other hate groups that are in existence. Many of these are killing the USA and other parts of the world through negotiation through love. If I were her husband, I would have gotten a divorce and not looked back. No man who is honest deserves being cheated on, Not no way, not know how. Never.

I don't know wy people does those things. They should end the relationship before even think of cheating on ther spouse. If they want out of the relationship, they should just sit down with their huseband or wife and end it before someone gets hurt. The worst thing is that is not only the cheated spouse the one getting hurt, but their children too, if any.

Your comment about your husband loving you enough to forgive you - resonates with me.

We got a divorce.

your husband is a loser

That is a story of true sorrow and forgiveness. Something few have. That is a special gift. I'd say he loves you...

wow. hard to believe there r men out there like your husband. true love is rare. dont let it go.

dear PaperRoses .. i read ur story & understand almost of it .. 1st sorry cuz my english is not very good ..<br />
u r lucky cuz ur husband love u so much like this way & his Jealousy not in high lvl <br />
i love my wife so much & more than u can imagin .. but if she did it i will leave her even if i will die without her .. but belive me dear paper cheating is very bad .. every human get mistakes in his or her life .. but we all have to learn from our mistakes .. right ? :)<br />
hope u got great life with ur beloved husband .. by the way .. i wrote my experience in the group & really need advice about it .. may be cuz i never talked about it before with any one .. hope u help me by ur advice :)<br />
c u :)

Thanks for sharing your story, PaperRoses. You are lucky to have a husband who loves you enough to work through the problems. Sorry you were attacked by other posters. In my experience, I have found that many people have this idea that cheating is the worst thing a person can do to another person, and that there is no gray area. You're either a good-for-nothing, lower-than-scum cheater, or a saint who is devoted to your spouse.<br />
<br />
My husband cheated on me before we got married and several times during our marriage and I stayed. Not because I wanted to, but because he is manipulative and abusive and unstable. I actually fear the day I leave because I am afraid he will try to kill me. I made a plan 3 years ago to go to college and leave him when I had a job where I knew I could support our 4 year old daughter. While I was in school he cheated on me, he quit his job and racked up $20k in student loans used for "living expenses", and he continued to abuse me by threatening not to drive me to school (I was never allowed to drive the car and was not allowed to get my driver's license), and holding all the money, denying me the ability to see my family, and a lot of acts that I have to believe are far worse than cheating.<br />
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A man I dated 8 years ago looked me up some months ago. We were just friends to begin with, but somewhere along the line we crossed over into different territory. We've been seeing each other for two months now in a romantic way. So now I am a "cheater" too. I do not feel the least bit sorry for my husband. Quite the opposite. I am bitter that I have to conceal my relationship with the other man. I had planned to leave my husband before I reconnected with the guy I'm seeing. I'm not leaving my husband for him. I'm going to leave him for me. I wish I was brave enough to tell my husband. <br />
<br />
I do not even feel like I am cheating. I don't sleep with my husband and haven't in over 6 months. I don't even sleep in the same room. We rarely speak to each other. I have only slept with one man since the last time I was with him. To me, that IS monogamy. What my husband and I have...that's just a piece of paper, a couple of cold metal rings, and a whole lot of broken promises.

LCFR, you are sir a condescending idiot. I'd like to think you have something more worthwhile to offer but I have a feeling you never will. Thanks for contribution to society with the security equipment. Thanks... I mean it.

As long as cheaters are out there and their insecure partners want to keep tabs on them it is all good I make lots of money selling them surveillance equipment- So PaperRoses I should be giving commissions to people like you, you are the true supporters of the security industry:)

Well LCFR, disgruntled maybe? Ha! You know, I really don't care though. Because it may have taken a few years but I left him. Not he left me, I left him. Maybe cause mostly what I post on here was the bad stuff I did. But we had, well have our issues and we got tired of trying to fix them. That was our whole relationship. Trying to fix our problems. And once a cheater always a cheater? Ha! That really makes me laugh. Cause only an ignorant close minded person would say that and mean it. You have no idea why everyone cheats. Nor do I. But I don't claim to either. Thanks for the insight though! Sheesh!

At least you came clean about your affair, personally I wouldnt stay with you as the old saying goes a cheater is always a cheater it is in the persons make up and cannot be changed. <br />
<br />
On the other hand your husdband must be such a weak and insecure person to go through this humiliation and still stay with you then he deserves what he gets.

I just don't know what to say anymore... I said before that I didn't have an answer or excuse for what I did. I am not perfect, neither is my husband. No one is. This is something that I am not proud of, never will be. I agree with almost everyrthing that most people have said here. But as for the fact that I told my husband does not make me selfish. That is ridiculous. Cheating whether you get caught or not is still cheating. And there are other ways he would have (& did) hear about it. So, who tell him, his wife or some idiot just being an idiot? (that's a whole other story). As far as his suicidal threats, I never thought of it that way. I'm sure what he wanted to really accomplish... I guess it was me not leaving...

It's nice to have a love that forgives. Sometimes people that desperate to hold onto their relationships, though, aren't doing it out of love. If my girlfriend ever threatened to kill herself if I left her, I would leave her and then have her committed. I don't believe in love at gunpoint. If your life is less important to you than whether I'm coming home for dinner tonight, then you obviously don't love yourself enough, you know? And I could never be with someone who didn't know how to love themself.

Constant, my issue is that once it is done, then it is done. There is no going back, and it is what it is. You seem to take issue with me, because I do not understand why she felt the need to confess. Unless she intended on leaving her husband, confessing does nothing but alleviate the burden of her guilt and causes pain within the marriage. In the absence of her feedback, I interpret her confession as a second act of selfishness. I suspect that what you are taking issue with is the ethics at the heart of my question. The guilt is her cross to bear, so why would one want to saddle their spouse with such information. Confessing a transgression, which ultimately inflicts pain on one's spouse, does not make it right. What benefit was there in telling her husband. I am simply asking why she could not bury it and move on. I take no issue with the sin, but I am extremely curious about why she acted as she did after the fact. I have never cheated on my husband. However, I could not imagine telling him if I suddenly awoke in a hypothetical world in which I had cheated on him. I do not have the benefit of knowing anyone who was in this position in my personal life, so I am asking.

and i failed to follow up on your reply to my comment regarding jamcojay ...<br />
<br />
when you post a story in this type of format (the site) you run the risk of people who will disagree with you - regardless how big or small, trivial or menial, or how life changing ... there will always be those who respect you for what you say and those who are not going to. in this format both sides have every right to post what they believe whether it's to the contrary of your post or not. this is the risk we take when we post something. the best thing to do is try to take something from those words of opposition and utilize them to further yourself in your own process be it; healing, maturing, or what have you. that's truly the spirit of this site - sharing and growing through each other's experiences...<br />
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i did not say that *YOU* paperroses attacked him but cheleanne telling him to "get over yourself" is a bit too much ... i suspect she'd be a bit upset being cheated on by the man she loves. if getting upset by such a thing (being cheated on) and being sensitive about it makes jamocojay and myself immature or self absorbed then i say, "so be it!" <br />
<br />
i respect the fact that it does take a toll on both parties if not all 3 parties involved ... but the person who's been cheated on is the one left to shoulder the vast majority of the guilt, shame, frustration, gnawing questions, embarrassment, etc. <br />
<br />
i'm sure you recall how raw your emotions were in that first year after you confessed to your husband. surely you can recall that and cut jamcojay some slack because his reaction is rather appropriate for someone who's in the position he's in...<br />
<br />
in my humble opinion ...

luckygurl, i suspect the author of this story has a conscience and thus is the VERY reason she HAD to tell her husband!<br />
<br />
let me not speak for you and by all means, paperroses, please explain to luckygurl why you were unable to keep this from your husband since she's unable to understand ... (eek!)

PaperRoses, I am glad that your story ended happily and thank you for defending our country. However, there is one thing that really piques my curiosity. Why did you tell your husband about it? So you had a short period of time of infidelity.... Why didn't you just leave it in Iraq, move on, and forget about it?

I am not belittling you. My initial reaction to your story was to the "Majority support of your story". The first poster basically said it's cool he prob cheated on you too.<br />
<br />
The second was saying ah your so strong as if you were the one who had the hardship.<br />
<br />
I served as a marine, I know how hard it is when your away from everyone you love. You feel alone and easily rely on anyone who will listen. I also know what it feels like to have someone spit ten years of my life in my face, by deciding sleeping with someone else is a far better alternative than talking to your husband.<br />
<br />
Your husband is a far better man than I will ever be when it comes to this aspect. Through my marriage there was never any shortage of women who wanted to sleep with me. The reason I never did wasn't out of fear or consequence. It was out of commitment for her my family and our life together.<br />
<br />
For someone to waste my life like that is a worthless human being. We only get one shot here on this planet. I don't want to waste mine on someone who doesn't share the same respect for me as I do for them.<br />
<br />
I am glad your marriage is working out for the better. It says allot about the man you are with. Remember that.

I just want to reiterate that I did not 'attack' Jamcojay. He posted things on my story that were just uncalled for. Had it been his story he can say whatever he wants. There are many MANY different stories out there about unfaithful 'love'. Some work it out and for they some don’t. I'm not saying that someone loves their spouse anymore because they can forgive them for something as awful as adultery. Spouses should never be put in a situation where they have to forgive such an act. I was simply sharing my story. It is not an attempt to gain forgiveness from anyone. I would like to say that I am sympathetic towards Jamcojay but I am sure that it wouldn't have a lot of meaning to him. Although I am. I know what I did was wrong. I know that I will never be able to forgive myself. “you betrayed him knew you were betraying him”. I don’t think that I defended my actions in my story??? “rubbed it in his face” so, I guess I shouldn’t have ever told him? “decided he had enough of your betrayal so you came back to him out of pity” that is Jamcojay’s opinion. I don’t know what he may think was going on while we were separated but I wasn’t galloping around anywhere having the time of my life. “He should have dumped you where you stood.” I am grateful everyday that he didn’t. “How dare someone not agree with it”. I have no idea what this means… “Turn the tables” “pain, humiliation, distrust, anger, frustration, heartbreak” Everyday… <br />
As for the other’s; thank you for your support... I am sorry that something like this has to happen to anyone or that someone has done so. There is not ever a reason. But until you have been where someone else is or are going through what are, did or will you really can’t judge them, huh? I know what I did was wrong. I think that I know that more than what someone would like to thank they know. If someone called me out to my face I wouldn’t be able to argue back. I have no argument. But that doesn’t give someone the authority over me to belittle me.

my s.o. cheated on me within the past couple months and ... we DID speak about it openly. had we not, we would not be together now! it IS something that can be worked thru, talked about openly, and so on. <br />
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i don't agree with what you did. especially since you had no reason and 5 yrs later still don't know why you did it. (not that a reason substantiates it but ...) but the fact is what it is and the two of you worked it out in your own way.<br />
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i hope you took something from that experience and are able to work thru all that comes your way in the future.<br />
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as for what swagonwheels is presuming ... i'd not be willing to put too much thought into the idea your husband was cheating on you in your absence. even if he was, which i doubt (by the way he's reacted to you & what you did - the love), it's over now and things between the two of you are okay .... let it be okay. leave well enough alone.<br />
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as for what jamcojay has to say ... i can't fault him. he's in the hurt right now. and there are a lot of cheating a-holes out there who don't give a sh!t about the people whose lives they're destroying. not to mention the children... i feel for him and i would think you two ladies would also rather than attacking him.

Where in my comment do you see where I am not honest?<br />
<br />
Get over myself? So you and this other cheat screw around on your men and "How dare someone not agree with it".<br />
<br />
My wife is a worthless cheating scum herself. She hasn't seen her kids for more than a day in the last three months while she gallops around Europe having the time of her life.<br />
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Turn the tables around see it from the other side. The pain, humiliation, distrust, anger, frustration, heartbreak. The only good thing out of this discussion is you can admit your a heartless person who has no problem stepping all over your spouse.<br />
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Good luck with that by the way. Can't wait for it to come back and bite you in the butt.

I am the wife who cheated, and you are right I was selfish. I hurt my husband and my children. My husband did leave and for 2 1/2 we are working on our marriage, like on your post he call me the names you call your wife on your post. Just so you know I hate myself for what did. I was selfish,I broke our trust,I hurt the one men in the world who loved me. We did have marriage problems before this. But just because someone pays attention to you. It is no reason to hurt the people you love. I should have just keaped fighting for what I wanted in our marriage.

Hey Jamcojay, get over yourself! <br />
<br />
She came clean about what she did and that took a LOT of guts to do. I commend her for that!<br />
<br />
You obviously have an issue with honesty. How honest are YOU?

You are so lucky to have a husband that forgives you completely. I had an affair also, but I don't DARE tell him (and by the way, he didn't even notice anything different about me). I would be out on the street and without my kids... so I keep it to myself... and post things about it here, but that's it.<br />
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You are a very lucky woman! I envy you and commend you at the same time!

Wow, you are exactly what this site is not about. My husband loves me. I love him. If that's not enough for you... Well then I really don't care. I didn't share my experience for your benefit. Thanks for your comment

Oh thank you so much for cheating on your husband! Are you kidding me? To me it's pathetic, you betrayed him knew you were betraying him. Came home rubbed it in face. Continued to rub it in his face for a year and than decided he had enough of your betrayal so you came back to him out of pity for him.<br />
<br />
He should have dumped you where you stood.<br />
<br />
There is nothing fulfilling about this story, just another women stepping all over her guy and than rubbing it in.

I have read your story a number of times. It always touches something inside of me. Thank you for sharing it, and for telling it so well. I am glad that you have found and share the love that you describe, it is indeed special :)

First I want to thank you for the kind words. Not to mnay people understand or even care. (Only a few people know, my BEST friend and my mom-wierd huh?!) Also I had thought of some the things that you said. But I always thought that was just my way of taking off some of the blame. I never asked my husband what he did while I was gone... I think I might have been afraid of the answer. It was strange because he was friends with this really bad guy (that was cheating on his wife-who was with me) that was also always putting bad ideas about what she and I were doing while we were 'away'. So I guess he was using your theory so that he could cheat and I never wanted to think like that I guess... At least not out loud. You may be right but I really don't know if I want to know... Especially now. I just wanted to again thank you for all that you said.