I Felt So Lonely...

It all started when I got married very young. I was under 18. Everything went well while we had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. we had our problems like most people but  he has a son by another women. I always knew that, but i didnt find it out by him but by his sister. he never spoke about his son. he would see him behind my back and i never had a problem, although it made me feel bad. it made me feel like he didnt want me there or very insecure. after being married i didnt get along with his family and i told him how i felt about him and his son and how he always keeps me on the otherside. later we had more problems going by the minute. fighting, never agreeing with anything. I always tried to be better at everything than him and so did he. i tried to be right and so did he. it was a competition between the two. He started to ignore me, to not look at me, not listen, or even try to get along anymore. Everything had fallen down the gutter. It was getting worse. but i still love him. i dont know why! and i started feeling lonely, the nights were getting cold and my lips were dry. he takes weeks to touch me. and he reather watch tv. We have our baby and i take care of her and nothing makes me happier than being a mother. I cant explain how much i love my baby. but things only got worse after i had her. he started to get more distant and would work more. i saw him less and less and spoke to him every now and then. i kept doing what i was doing. everything was ready when he got home dinner, clothes, and the tv to tthe right channel. but none of that was worth it. And i still love him. the situation is bad we fight and he calls me names and tells me to shut the hell up or watnot. later i started texting  from a guy i worked with. he is very nice and caring. he would tell me everything my husband didnt. he told me exactly what i wanted and needed to hear.  he told me that he understood the situation and asked me what i was still doing with him. i told him how i felt and realized that he was right. we started to talk about eachother and i learned that i was more than lonely. i was sad and depressed i was untouched and i needed someone by my side to be there for me in the hard good and bad times. a few days ago i saw him nd felt something weird wen i hugged him. i knew something was happening between us. we talked and finally i went to his house. he hugged me and told me that he was there for me. when i was in his arms i felt safe, i felt loved and cared about. we kissed, and he touched me, every single stroke from his hands  to my body was full of pleasure and what was like love. he told me he didnt want to have sex. and so we stopped. next thing you know he was on top of me  showing me that i needed a man like him. it was devastating! we went to his bed and our clothes started to come off slowly. When the time came I knew i was having sex with him. I was :/CHEATING! .... I got off of him and asked him to give me my clothes. I got dressed and he told me he loved me. and he told me that he ws ther and he didnt mind waiting for me. then i left. i went home and told him to forget about what happened and to let me think things over. I couldnt cheat on my husband. even if he treated me like ****. i was so disapointed in my self. also my husband was out of the country because his father had passed away.  he left without saying bye and he never called me while down there. i knew he didnt care for me but that made me feel worse. what did i do. i feel so bad. and i dont wanna hurt my husband or the other guy. . im still undecided on what to do. and i dont want to live like this. i need a solution but my head is tied up and stressed that i cant even think. Im the worst i know but he made me feel like i needed something else. now i know i wont do it again. i love my husband but i hate the way he treats me. please comment so i can know how everyone feels about what i did i would apraciated it and it will make my mind straighter.

situation situation
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 23, 2010

I must agree with queenbee.<br />
This isn't a contest of who will hold on! I also went through a terrible stage where my husband took advantage of me. Marriage is still a CHOICE. I wake up everyday and CHOOSE to be with my husband. <br />
This is the 21st century. Women don't have to live in situtations that are abusive. It doesn't make you stronger, smarter or more desireable to put up with a neglectful husband. <br />
Take the time to discuss with him what you expect, and if he isn't willing to be a partner that you can live with, then move on...<br />

Is the love for your husband worth the pain you feel every day? Reading your story just pulls at my heart . I feel like I could have written that. My husband and I had grown apart since having my daughter. He was having more of a relationship with the tv than with me. I would speak to him, and he would be so focused on the screen, he literally did not hear me. Things finally came to blows last week and everything came out. I left for one night, took my daughter nd my dog, and just didn't come home. It really seems to have set him straight. He has offered to go to counseling, and anytime he starts to be an *sshole, I point it out directly. My love for him will never go away, and I want him in my life. But what I figured out, and I hope you can take somethign from this thought as well, is that no amount of wanting is going to make it happen. Either you both want to make it work and both put in the EFFORT, or you walk away and find someone else who will. My husband may not really change, it may just be an act to get me to stay. If thats the case, I'll be out the door fast. If someone truely loves you, then they should be willing to do absolutely anything necessary to make you feel happy and loved. If you're not happy, you're bound to go looking elsewhere, as you did with your coworker. Best of luck to you, and remember to put yourself first. You can't live the rest of your life miserable, and do you really want your daughter seeing it? I know I don't want mine to.