I have been married for 15 years and like most people on these boards I had many issues with my wife. I was angry so many times with how she would "nag" me about my mother and my situation with my fathers illness (he had cancer and passed away a year ago) but what I learned in all this time was that communication was the key to a happy marriage. With the help of a counselor we overcame our differences. Sure, it wasn't easy and many times I went on my own to the sessions but as she saw a new "John" transform before her eyes, she realized that she needed to go to counseling as well. Please understand that I had chances to cheat and be unfaithful but I fought the urge because I knew that I wasn't that kind of person. I could leave her when I wanted to leave her if that was what I had to do. There was no rush, if the "other" person loved me enough then she could wait for the time I was single. So I kept going to my sessions, kept showing her the new "John" and in the end we have been married happily for 15 years. Please don't discard your marriages, please dont hurt the ones you love. If at one time you loved your husband or your wife it can be rekindled. It just takes determination and hard work sometimes but in the end its worth it. Please believe me.
JohnChoo79 JohnChoo79
20 Responses Apr 10, 2011

Your wife must be very proud. :]

When you Find your spouse having done something wrong and you want to correct them then humble yourself first and advice with the best possible manners in privacy, not in public . Make very sure you don't hurt their feelings .
"Whoever protects the honour of his brother, will have Allah protect his countenance from the fire on the Day of Judgement" [Al Nawawi, Riyad al Salihin p 488, Hadith no 1530]

I wish my boyfriend had understood this.

I lot of women don't respond to this though. They want things there own way and they more than realize the have the ole divorce card they can play at any time they want. For men, sometimes an affair is the only way out. We can't rush to judge those who do decide to have affair. many times hey have tried, as I have, all ways to try to save they marraige and it can't be done.

Good inspiration! We are divorcing and a lot because of communication skills, or lack of. Wife thinks marriage is all butterflies and honey, and I'm more realistic and that any relationship is going to be rough times... it depends on: fighting fair, find a solution to issue, realize that you're partners and "show" appreciation... don't just say it and then do something different.

Great words!

Two thumbs up! Very good for you!

I was very impressed with this story. Many people in marriages do not realize that marriage IS difficult and it's WORK. It is not all lovely and dovely all the time. It requires constant effort.

You are very inspiring :)

i know whot you mean once you walk away some one gets hurt if you try to sort things out its to late

Dreammmer, You have me all wrong. I speak about leaving if the other person continues to cheat or admit they have no remorse for what they did. Any other issues can be resolved or at least tolerated. Screwing another woman or man behind your spouses back is not acceptable and can't be condoned at all. If you look at my points concerning leaving it always always always involves people who are cheating and/or un remorseful.

@JohnChoo79, you are a normal man, but one who cares! <br />
I also tend to not run away from problems and stay by my mans side through all our ups and downs. We had good and horrible times, but in the end all what counts is to love each other, with all our failures. I only would leave him, when he stops loving me. That I couldn't bear!

Once again have to thank you all for the kind words. I try not to portray myself as being better than anyone else. Its just that divorce and extramarital affairs hurts relationships. Many times children are in the middle of this and have issues that aren't so easy to address after a divorce. I swear I have no feelings of superiority. I just feel that things can be communicated and fixed or if not then leave in a respectable and honorable way.

You're a good man John. You have good faith in God and in love and you have let Him guide you well. God bless you dear and thanks for sharing your wonderful story. xox

What a lovely, positive story. So many people think love just 'happens', and that if it isn't perfect, it should be discarded. You have illustrated that love takes work, and I couldn't agree more with you, it is so worth it. Thank you for sharing this.

God guides you dear JohnChoo79!<br />
God bless you my dear!

I love you all for commenting about my story. I thank God for His blessings and forgiving me for those things I did wrong.

Thanks for sharing dear JohnChoo79, I've been through all ups and down since 27 years with my hubby and thought I couldn't bear it anymore to stay by his side, because his character changed. <br />
He has lot's of stress at work. <br />
But then I wrote a letter to him, made clear that I love him, but will leave him if he continues to treat me and his sons in that mean way. Things are better since, not super, but better.<br />
It's worth to fight for a love.

You sound like a man with great character which is harder to find these days. I hope everything continues to go well for you and your wife. :)

I only wish my wife could share your views. I am all willing to work for it, she on the other hand thinks it will heal itself or fade away.