So Sick

I've always had pretty low self esteem. I have been married for over ten years with two children. I started flirting online with an old friend. It seemed harmless and almost like a fiction. I've never touched another woman (since I've been with my wife I mean), nor did I ever intend to. I just flirted and made innuendoes and things, over a period of a few months. It wasn't an everyday, or every week thing. Just occasionally. It was inappropriate. I've been feeling guilty, really guilty and filled with shame, for about a week now. It suddenly all caught up with me and all of a sudden felt real. I hate myself. I want to tell my wife to alleviate my guilt, but I don't want to tell her because I have zero intention of behaving like this again and I don't want to transfer my guilt to her pain. Thoughts?
groupcaptainmandrake groupcaptainmandrake
1 Response Sep 10, 2011

DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE!!!!! My ex told me about a similar situation and it ruined our relasionship. WE carried on but I ended up leaving him for a more reliable man! Telling your wife will not alleviate your guilt and it will make her feel like ****. Instead of telling her resolve to treat her with more respect in the future.

Thanks pinnyx. I actually already told her. She immediately forgave me and confessed about her own indiscretion many years ago. It's funny, her indiscretion would be regarded as "much worse' by ordinary qualifications, but I didn't give a damn. I know she loves me, and she knows I love her. We've been through so much together that these moments can be viewed as mistakes, not endings. We are humans, not angels. And as humans we will make mistakes, some of them terrible mistakes, some of them not so bad. But while we are not angels we do have the capacity to learn from our mistakes. We are now both armed with a shield. Instead of letting myself be so susceptible to flattery, to a woman's attentions, I now know that this is not a road I want to be on. Even if the first steps are bright and sunny and innocent, it leads to a dark place where you can easily get lost. Even though your input was too late to sway me, I thank you for reading and offering help. Thanks!