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Cheating?

I think 'cheating' is a somewhat ambiguous term.
The experience I went through, I don't think I would refer to as cheating... But I was in a very distraught and confused place!
I had been with my boyfriend for an entire year. It was a fantastic year. I felt as if his home was my own, and we spent all our time together. He showed me so much affection.
Later in the relationship... I started feeling extremely attracted to other men, without even wanting to be. I would just feel this magnetic force?! Pulling me towards other guys.I developed so many unbearable crushes, that I could not tell anybody about. I just bottled it all up, and made up excuses to see them.
Then one of my closest male friends and I started falling in love. I didn't know it at the time, but we would spend endless amounts of time together, just talking. He looked after me, took me out to places. Made me feel so much happier than I ever had with anyone else. At the time I was just like, 'It's cool, we're just best friends.'
But then it got to the point where we couldn't go a few days without seeing each other. My boyfriend started to get very, very attached, like he could tell something was up. He kept mentioning his suicidal thoughts and depression, to try and get me to stay with him, and pulled a few... erm... dramatic stunts. I realised that it was a very poisonous relationship. Not just for him, but for me. Without me, he felt like nobody cared about him and that he was worthless. What kind of intense pressure do you think that put on me? I was COMPLETELY RESPONSIBLE for someone's state of mind. It freaked me out.
I was no longer in love with him. As harsh as that sounds, it happens. We went on a break, and in that period, me and my 'close friend' fell even more deeply in love, without anybody else knowing.
I phased out of one relationship, and into another.
I don't know or care if this makes me a bad person.
Me and my partner are insanely happy now. I have never felt more amazing about myself, and we have balanced lives, with ups and downs... but more importantly... we are in love (: He is my hero, and I know he will always look after me.
Fink91 Fink91 18-21, F Jun 16, 2012

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