...relapse? Self-control Starting To Fail Again

So here is the situation: Im 18 and I've had a boyfriend for nearly 3 years now, and he is great, i mean he's such a good person, so caring and he loves me so much. But, this last year didnt start well, we kept fighting for like 6 months.

The firsts 2 months of this ****** period I met a guy, he was just so diferent from my boyfriend, so alive, so artistic, i was fascinatied about him, and after a lot of internet talking he took me to the movies and we made out... It felt so weird, I would never ever had thought of cheating. He told me he was inlove, made a song for me recorded it and sent it, what can i say, i just melt. However the thouhgt of leaving my bf never really crossed mind, it was too crazy.
We met once again and wow, the physical chemestry was obvious, but I had a boyfriend and it was unconfortable for us both so we stopped talking.

All good until summer, I was still in a bad situation with my bf and I met this other guy...he rocked my world, he put my life and all my world upside down in matter of a few days. We just clicked, I dare to say he's probably muy soulmate. We have the same ideas of life, same spirit, and the days i spent with him i can say it was full happiness. When you feel the world can just stop when you're with that person.

BUT i stil was with my bf (although at the edge of breaking up becouse of this guy) and i went to a whole month to my homwtown. When I came back he barely talked to me, it seemed he had decided it was too complicated. I met my bf after that month with the idea of breaking up, but it was like nothing happened. We spend a whole day like the old times, I couldnt leave him.

From summer to now, almost november, i've been good with my bf but always thinking about this other guy (the second one)). He really got through me. I felt I love them both. He started talking to me again a couple of weeks ago.. i dont know what to think, maybe he's 100% over me now...

Oh and the first guy who i still talk to wants to have dinner with me for his birthday, at his place. I want to say yes, my body wants me to say yes so bad but I promessed myself I would do things right this time.

Shold I stay with my bf and not see either of them again? Should I ask my bf for a break and collect my thoughts...But I do love my bf, Im such a mess, does anyone understands me???

(By the way, I dont need to be told im a horrible person, I've got through that already myself).

sream sream
18-21, F
Oct 28, 2012